- 12/12
- so, I guess I'm feeling a mix of emotions and need to get my thoughts in order...
- regarding the whole taking-my-sister-to-disney-thing, I guess one thing I'm feeling is a bit of resentment, not jealously because I'm so happy for her (and would always want for her to have everything I never did, doesn't matter what I did or did not get), but because when I graduated high school there was nothing.. no party, no gift, no trip, nothing, so I makes me a little sad and resentful that I didn't get any of it (but of course I remember that my parents didn't like me much back then, which on itself makes me so sad because I felt so alone and unwanted at that time, and my sister is surrounded by so much love right now, but then again we were fighting different battles and I'm so proud and happy for her, and I am a different person now, all I can do is decide what to do with the time that is given to me)
- regarding the whole will-i-join-them-on-disney-thing, I guess they would go free-of-charge but I'd have to get the money to go myself, and now to the problemas:
- will I be able to get that much money?
- if I do get that much money, would I want to spend it on a disney trip?
- is going to fucking disney even worth it?
- would I even want to step on the USA? is that still a thing? with my dad?
- how would this even be like?
- would the damn USA even let me in?
- are there better things to use money for?
- what about my job and my master's degree?
- the airplane trip?
- I don't know...
dec 12 2025 ∞
dec 12 2025 +