- How to get a driver's license in CA: 1. wake up early on your only day off. 2. study to pass the driver's test, again 3. borrow your roommates car 4. realize car has no gas 5. get gas 6.drive 20 min to a non-scary near by town 6. find DMV is no longer open, has moved but given no directions to new location 7. get directions 8. MAKE IT TO DMV 9. wait in line 10. get told to come back some day when you have your birth certificate 11. call mom to mail birth certificate from MN 12. wait one week 13. get your shift covered from work so you can go back to the DMV 14. get birth certificate in the mail on time.. oops didn't happen 15. make sure co-worker shows up to cover your shift.. oh wait that didn't happen! 16. call post office to pick up birth certificate before delivery time... with confirmation number 17. go all the way home and get confirmation number 18. wait an hour until post office is actually open. 19 drive to post office 20. find out you're at the wrong post office once you've waited in line 5 minutes 21. drive to correct post office 22. get package 23. drive 20 min to a non-scary near by town 24. MAKE IT TO DMV! 25. wait in line to get a number 26. wait in a chair 45 min for number to be called 27. give them forms 28. pass eye exam 29. take a new picture 30. take written drivers test 31. get asked if you're just getting your permit... no sir I'm 21, renewing my license 32. pass test 33. get asked for your number by strange guy next to you in line 34. drive back home after an hour and a half. Finally a success.
- Get off of work and have a police officer ask "shouldn't you be in class by now (8:30am), I'm on my way to class right now sir, "how old are you anyway, 16?" no i'll be 21 on monday, I'm a senior in college at UOP, "oh. my daughter goes to college."
- Get woken up at 2:30 in the morning when you don't have to be to work til 8:30am by a knock on the door and two little voices, "Grace, Ben's in the hospital.. can you drive us??" Very disorientedly get dressed, get downstairs to a house full of people still awake, drive to the hospital, and wait in the waiting room. Finally get called to the counter, "how is he?" Mean. "oh" You can wait until he's ready, 20 minutes. 1 1/2 hours later.. Get notice that we can go see him one at a time. "How is he?" Really fucking drunk. "Oh" Apparently the hospital staff doesn't get that we're actually concerned for his health. Go back to waiting room. Wait some more. An hour later old man comes bursting through the door laughing and is staring right at Cody. "Haha, yeah I like you, you little blond bitch, B-I-T-C-H. hahaha" The creepy old man looks at me, sitting next to cody "oh you too, you look like you could be cousins, C-O-U-S-I-N-S. hahah. pretty little bitches. hahaha." No idea what just happened.
- On doing laundry publicly: Get a time where you and the roommate can drive to the laundromat together. Decide you're both going to spend the extra time to do sheets. Fling laundry into the living room. Find a pair of boxers in the hallway, ask roommate about them, only to realize half way through your question, they came from your room..too late, roommate is already aware.
- On having a yard sale by yourself: Run around town putting up signs. Get followed home by at least 3 cars. Frantically put out yard sale things. Arrange clothes on a blanket. Find a pair of underwear you've been missing in one of your sweater pockets. Have a man buy 5 bags worth of your old clothes.
- Get dressed up on your birthday. Get on BART to go to Oakland for dinner and a show. Have bum sit across from you and feed you lines like the following: Did you come from texas? You must come from Texas. You got KFC going on baby, legs, breasts, and thighs. You remind me of bananas. Banana what? Banana pudding. Did you just come from the pretty party? Real talk baby, you's beautiful baby. All the while touching my hand. Get off BART early and move cars unnoticed. Turn around and see he's made his way to the car you moved to. Get off BART and sanitize your hands 5 times.
sep 23 2010 ∞
aug 28 2013 +
aug 28 2013 +