• (101024) i'm still trying to get it all down, it's a sickly sweet feeling knowing that you're as lost as i am but it stings to know im hurting you. how exactly am i supposed to live with myself knowing that i have made you scared and upset? how do people do this so often; how did you treat me like this without feeling horrible?? but trying to hold you up like this is killing me. i love you, im sorry, i dont know what else i can do

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• (101124) i hate this feeling, it's like filling my heart with sand. god, i love you so much. it hurts how much i love you. i know you dont really care about me unless im getting you off, i know you'd rather me take over everything for you. i still love you, and i always will

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• (101724) part of me debates putting the link to this on my social media, knowing that you'd see it eventually. i am constantly torn between my love for you and my respect for myself and my time, and there is no clear winner.

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• (010425) im grieving. it's a grief that i do not have the size to hold, and that i do not have the strength to carry. im sore and tired and full to the brim with love that i cannot give because it is only meant for you. i try, by god do i try, but it is a love that only you can receive. i know you kept your collar, even if i told you that you could destroy it; you once told me that you keep every gift and card that you've ever received and i was hoping you would make an exception for your own sake. but i know better. i know it is still there, hidden in some crook of a shelf that it always has been. i wish i could take it gently and slip it into my pocket, knowing i would have one last piece of you because even the pieces i have do not feel like you. i have a music box from you, but it does not feel like it is from you. im not sure who it is from, but it isn't from you. it can't be, a lack of heart for something so sweet could not come from you. i wish i could have held you when i told you, even just as much as your hand, but this is for the best. i hate telling myself that it is for the best because it doesnt feel like it.