- Oh Jeffery.
- Women remember, Steve. It's like they have minds of their own.
- I mean, where exactly do you take your socks off? My advice is to take them off right after your shoes, and before your trousers. That’s the sock gap. Miss it, and suddenly you’re a naked man in socks. No self-respecting woman will ever let a naked man in socks do the squelchy with her.
- I am a prison for sperms. Those poor little tadpoles have been sentenced to life in Jeff Murdock's groin. And let me tell you, that can be a pretty lonely place.
- I've got the key to the gates of paradise... but I've got too many legs!
- I think breast brains would be over-egging the woman pudding. Besides, you give breasts the power of independent thought and the next thing that happens they don't get on. 4. She's leaving the country, doesn't speak English, I insulted her friend's breasts and she thinks I collect women's ears in a bucket.
- I need breasts with brains. I don’t mean individual brains, obviously... I mean, not a brain each. You know, I like intelligent women, but you’ve got to draw the line somewhere.
- Being a lesbian. All the advantages of being a man but with less embarrassing genitals. Plus, every time you have sex, there's four breasts! Two guest breasts and two you can take home afterwards, oh, it's bloody brilliant!
- Asses are the human races favorite thing. When God gave us our asses he had to stick them round the back just so we wouldn't sit and stare at them all day. Cause when God made the ass he didn't say "Hey it's just your basic hinge, let's knock off early." He said "Behold ye angels, I have created the ass. Throughout the ages to come, men and women shall grab hold of these and shout my name"
- It’s like a feedback loop. You're somewhere quiet. There's people. It’s a solemn occasion - say, a wedding. No - it's a minutes silence for someone who's died. The minute is ticking away... tick tock tick tock... and suddenly this thought pops into your head - The worst thing you can do in a minute silence is laugh. And you almost do, as an automatic reaction. But then, you think how awful it would have been if you HAD laughed, and you almost laugh again, only its a bigger laugh. But, then you think how funny it would have been if you'd laughed that bigger laugh, but this time the laugh is an enormous laugh. Let this one out and you get whiplash! So you're standing there, in this quiet room, shoulders going like you're drilling the road, and what do you think of the situation? Dear Christ! You think its funny!
- Many men have fallen through the sock gap Patrick. Under the sexual arena of earthly delight, there lurks a deadly pit of socks.
- Do you know what would be the best way to wipe out all of human kind if you were a space alien with a special kind of mind ray...? Make all women telepathic. Because if they suddenly found out about the kind of stuff that goes on in our heads they would kill us all on the spot. Men are not people - we are disgustoids in human form.
- Been there two years but I missed the buffer. That redhead has been naked in my head for two years now, performing *deviant* sex acts that would make the world's top porn stars go white and steady themselves on the furniture. I lose the ability to speak the moment she comes into the room. Every time she passes me in a corridor, I walk sideways into the wall. She thinks I'm a mute with a balance problem.
- Yeah, but we're all the same as Patrick. See, women think we're normal, like them, 'cause we talk to them like normal people, you know, we say, "hello, how are you. Haven't seen you in this place before. What kind of music do you like?" But all the time in our brains, we've got the word "breasts" on a loop. If we ever lost control for a second, we'd all start shouting "Breasts! Breasts! Breasts! Breasts!"
- You know what's great about skirts? When a woman's wearing a skirt, you know, you know that somewhere in that room, shifting all the time, there is the VAA: the Visual Access Angle. A clear line of sight back to base camp.
dec 29 2012 ∞
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dec 29 2012 +