• i used to know who i was

i used to have a clear understanding of my own personality, my own likes and dislikes, interests and passions. simultaneously (2010), i was undergoing a complete identity crisis, and my life was, to say the least, dramatically changing. how i thought about myself was dramatically changing. how i viewed myself was dramatically changing.

• yet
• i
• still
• knew
• who
• i
• was

and more than anything, i could

• be myself

and when i say

• be myself

i refer to having conversations with people and having my own opinions, views and ideas and being able to reference and argue them. i refer to having a distinct identity, and not laughing at his jokes because i had to but because i wanted to.

i can't decide if it was lack of social interaction for a very long time (2011)/having to sacrifice some aspects of my personality because i was so desperate for friends (2011) but i no longer understand myself/know who i am. nor do i know who my true friends are.

a fear of mine is that underneath it all, i am illnesses. i am nothing but my sickness.