Students

• "Was Buddha a Muslim?"
• "So where about in the states are you from?" -american
  • "......London" - brit
  • "Oh, which state is that in?"
• "We'll go out, have a few beers, you'll laugh at me, we'll have a few more beers, laugh at me again, then maybe I'll laugh at Will and then I'll probably punch Paul in the face. It'll be a sweet night, dude."
• looking at a dog on the beach
  • "What flavour is it?"
• "...On the German-Russian border...in the south..."
• "Man did that Pontius Pilate guy come-up with pilates?" - american 1
  • "Who else would he be?" - american 2
• "I didn't realise they got flies in Scotland!"
• "Do chick peas have chicken in them?"
• "How can you tell if it's red or white wine?"
• "...In countries such as India and Africa..." - in an essay
• "I hate how the library turns me into a pervert. All I do is sit a stare at people's asses."
• "I love Scotland... It's the only place where you can wear sunglasses and a pashmina at NIGHT!"
• "Dude, I hate doing laundry. It makes me feel like I have a vagina."
• buying salad in Tesco
  • "You know it's time to think about diets for summer now" - american girl 1
  • "I know right, it's like I wish I could lose like 100 lbs right now, right here in this store." - american girl 2
  • "That's like so funny, but seriously look how much food we have here, it's like I feel bad for Africa."
• "Other couples high-five after sex, right?" - one girl to another
• "I would like a bike. but I seriously don't think I could trust myself to stay on the left."
• "Wait, dude, is Canada a continent or a country?"
• "Do you think it's safe to take an iPod into a tanning booth?"
• "So, where you from?" - american
  • "New Zealand." - kiwi
  • "So near Boston, yeah?" - american
  • "No, nowhere near Boston."
  • "That's cool, I'm from Boston too."
• "He saw a dead person. Like, a real live dead person."
• noticing vitamin milk for kittens in Tesco
  • "Oh my god look, cat milk!" - american 1
  • "Oh my god really? As in milk from cats? That's disgusting." - american 2
• "I have a friend who's half Parisian and half French."
• "I've been playing with Lego ever since I was old enough to drive"
• "You know how Heinz baked beans have beans spelt with a Z, well do you think that means they aren’t real beans? Like, they are fake beans – and that’s why they aren’t allowed to spell it with an S..."
• "Does everyone have a cervix?"
• "Dude, I'm totally prairie-dogging here."
• "You are totally, completely, uncompetent."
• "Is Singapore in China or Hong Kong?"
• in tesco
  • "Where can I get food?" - american girl
• american girl on pavement shouting up to her friend on a balcony
  • "Juliet! Juliet! Let down your hair!"
• On double yellow lines
  • "I like it how they mark where you should walk with these bright yellow lines beside the sidewalk"
• "Dude, I just learned that February has an extra 'r' in it!"
• waiting for a lecturer
  • "Maybe he's sick, and he won't turn up." - american 1
  • "Maybe he's dead..." - american 2
  • "Oh my god! That would be SO cool!"
• "So, um 'Leavers', is that like a school or something? Cause everyone has it on their sweaters..."
• "I never realised that Latin was a separate language before, because in my high school chorus whenever the teacher said we were going to sing Latin music it was always in Spanish..."
• "Is this your first time in Scotland?" - scot
  • "No, my parents took me to London a few years ago." - american
• "As I have some free time this week, will you teach me about the Middle East? You know, what's going on, where it is etc..."
• "I didn't think Orientation was actually a real word!"
• outside Tesco which was closed for a bank holiday
  • "OMG, it can't be closed, it's a GROCERY store!!"
• group of americans walking, one of them points to Starbucks
  • "And if you get lost, here's the national embassy."
• in a bakery
  • "Can I have those pancakes." - american
  • "They're actually potato scones." - baker
  • "No, I mean those pancakes there" (pointing at the scones)
  • "No, really, they're potato scones."
  • "I think you're confused, scones are made of cream and flour, and are round, not flat and made of potato."
  • "Scones can be made in all shapes with a variety of ingredients" (getting annoyed).
  • "Right, well give me them anyway."
• "Is Japan a country or is it the capital of China?"
• On hearing "free bird" by Lynryd Skynyrd
  • "did they write this before the plane crash?" - american
• three americans pointing to a pigeon in a tree
  • "Woah, have you ever seen one of those...in a tree"
• "So, um, we like decided to go to Bermuda instead." - american girl 1
  • "Oh you mean like Saudi Arabia?!" - american girl 2
• "Do you celebrate any American holidays over here? Like...St Patrick's Day?"
• in a philosophy tutorial
  • "...and that's when you achieve nirvana." -tutor
  • (Laughs hysterically) "Nirvana's a band, you idiot!" - american
• "Well you know, they're like identical twins but they don't look at all alike..."
• "Wait, is Austria an island too?"
• "Yeah, you can get really cheap ferries from like London to Calais"
• examining a tenner
  • "This note says 'Sterling' on it. I hope it's legit..."

Golf Tourists

• in a shop
  • "that comes to 29.99!" - sales assistant
  • "now, does that have to be in pounds?"
• a bunch of drunk american guys tumble off a bus late at night and right under the big lit up St Andrews sign...
  • "Excuse me, how do we get to Princes street?" - american
  • "The one in Edinburgh?" - passing students
  • "Yeah, how do we get to it?"
  • "Go to Edinburgh?"
  • "You mean we're not in Edinburgh?!?!"
• looking out at the north sea
  • "Is that Ireland over there?" - american 1
  • "Yeah I think so. Or France." - american 2
• in a coffee shop
  • "So I can't use these coins over here?" american
  • "Sorry no, we don't use shillings anymore" employee
• "Excuse me, are you girls university students?" - american
  • "Yes" - students
  • "Which university?"
• "Where's the loch ness monster?" - american
  • "Oh he's not here. He's moved to 10 Downing St" - scot
• "This must be the only town in England without a MacDonalds."
• "Heyyy are you guys part of that group of girls in the corner?" - american
  • "Um, yeah." - girls
  • "What is it, a bachelorette party?"
  • "No."
  • "Well why else would so many hot girls get together?"
  • "... it's a birthday party."
  • "Happy birthday!"
  • "Um, not either one of our birthdays."
  • "Well it will be someday. Ha ha ha... I'm married."
• At the cathedral looking out to the Fairmont
  • "Look, see, right there, I told you! It's Gleneagles."
• "Is there some sort of University here?"
• Old golfer to young female student
  • "Will you just put your arm around me so my friends over there will see?"
• "Why are they all wearing dresses?" - american
  • "Oh you know, it's like Harry Potter." - wife