Some things that Professor Kong Wan, master of Mechanics, has said.

• On Impulse: "You will all have experienced impulse some time. Like when someone slaps your face, or slaps you somewhere else. Or when your parents beat you when you were a baby."
• On...muscles?: "Muscles make you more attractive."
• On the comparable negligibility of Gravitational Force: "Don't try to attract people with you gravitational pull, it is too small. Instead you should use you personality or you money. Unless you're reeeeally massive."
• On the two types of fundamental particle: "Weakons and leptons..."
• On Schrodinger's Cat: "Well, think of it this way. If your girlfriend was lying on your bed when you go into your room, would you think about whether she was there, in London, or in a superposition of both states?"
• On moment of inertia: "it's easier to swing a cat than a pig."
• On Newton's second law: "it's like an idiot running through a corridor who doesn't stop until he hits a door."
• On Newton's first law: "Think about if someone pushes you, you don't like it, you push them back...Well when the block exerts a force on the table and pushes it, the table doesn't like it so it pushes it back."
• On...well...I guess Quantum Mechanics: "Quantum mechanics means that vampires exist."
• On time averaged force: "Bang you head off a wall. Now bang your bum off a wall. Which hurts most? Now bang your head off the wall of a bouncy-castle..."
• On Albert Einstein: "A lot of people think he was mentally retarded. Well, I do anyway." Ouch.
• On time dilations: "You age slower when you go fast. You ever seen any old stewardesses on the planes?"
• On spontaneous emmission: "If you kick a person, they gonna kick you back...You kick an electron, you never know - he might like it."
• On circular motion: "You all know about circular motion. It is when you move...In a circle..."
• On life: "Quantum Mechanics does not predict everything - you can't explain love with Quantum Mechanics. You'll never get a computer to love you like your boyfriend."
• On...another planet??: "Someday one of you may make an important discovery" *wry chuckle*

It should be pointed out that he says all of these in broken English. But I figured it might be quite racist to type like he speaks...