• I've been ruder.
• You've been nicer.
• She tells me you regress, then progress, and regress. It's a cycle.
• You talk soft to me.
• I don't understand the issue.
• Actually I do, but I wish I was wrong. It's something I've cared about my whole life, and to know you care about it too makes it worse.

I don't know what the point of this list was. I'm just trying to get some thoughts out.

• I'm actually doing my homework.
• I worked out.
• I don't care about anything right now.
• I've been a mess the past 1/2 year.
• I'm in a happy place.
• I'm finishing resolutions, it's been 4 days.
• I feel like I'm getting my control back.

• Individuals.
• People who do things despite the rest of the world.
• People who read.
• Those who don't mind being nerdy.
• Smart people.
• Genuinely nice people.
• People who don't mind sitting inside on a Saturday night.
• Party people.
• Easy going.
• Laid-back.
• People who like things for reason.
• Mix-it-uppers.
• People who play instruments.
• People who don't hate people because they smoke or drink, or whatever.
• People who mind their business.
• Say what they think, not what they want you to hear.

• I've gotten a swollen eye.
• I found out I need glasses.
• I failed a Chemistry test; 18/100.
• I lost my binder filled with everything I need.
• I've cried.
• I hit a curb, and scratched the rims of my car.
• My kneecap came out of place.
• I banged my head off the granite counter.
• I've been freaking out over little things.
• I've had a panic attack.
• I haven't been able to sleep.
• I lost my Vans. My favorite Vans.
• This has been the worst 5 days of my life.
• Hopefully it's up from here on.

This isn't a list. I'm just thinking my thoughts, to myself. You confuse me so undeniably so. I love you to the point where I never thought humanly possible. I never knew or felt love before you. It hurts and it sucks. I wish I knew if I was that friend who could only be your friend, or the friend who could possibly be more. Even a little chance is all I need. I don't know what to do anymore. Keep doing the same thing every day, every fucking confusing day, love you? Or move on to someone else, and still feel the same about you. Who knows, I could find someone I love who loves me back; I want to know if there is anyone who would care for me the way I care for you. Do you feel the same about me even if you don't realize the lengths? I want to know, I need to know. Because I go every day feeling this way, and I can't contain it any longer. There's so much I'd do for you. I don't give a shit ...

• You try to make me feel bad.
• You TRULY care about my feelings.
• You've never been so funny.
• You influence me alot more than I thought.
• You're scared to say the wrong thing.
• I'm not sure if you care about me, or are just selfish.
• You flip out, for NO reason.
• You let me talk for hours on hours, no complaints.
• You're genuine, you don't need to try.
• You're shy.
• You just wanna get laid, that's cool though.
• You get jealous, but I'm not sure what it's from.
• You won't look me in the eyes for too long, weird, but I kind of get why.
• You care more about me then I do.

• You send me mixed signals.
• I never know when you're annoyed, or just tired.
• The way you hate yourself.
• You get down easily.
• Everyone notices there's something there.
• You won't come out with it, but you're so certain there's nothing more for us.
• I HATE HATE HATE that I'm in "like" with you.
• You'd rather have someone who will just take you, you won't bother waiting for a real thing.
• You cross the line sometimes.
• I don't know where we stand.
• That I over-think us.
• I hate that I've always felt like this.
• I can't think of anything more I hate.

• I start drinking tea everyday.
• I wake up to an alarm clock that's been going off for 5 minutes unoticed.
• My fingers get so cold they can barely bend.
• The words "family party" happen more than once a month.
• I start craving snow.
• My feet need more than the usual-thick-socks to keep them warm.
• I wake up at 7 in darkness.
• It's dark before dinner.
• I start to relax, feel less stressed.
• I try more in school.
• There's never anything on TV.
• Movies start taking over my life.
• I start preparing for summer.
• I'm constantly shopping online.
• I'm constantly making "to-do" lists, and writing things down to remember.
• New music arrives on my IPod.

• I got a 1440 on my SAT
• I have a 2.9 GPA
• I'm in the top 50% of my class.
• I have the list of schools I'm applying to.
• I doubt I'll get into UMASS Amherst, but it's worth a shot.
• If I go to UMASS Boston I can get an apartment.
• I want to move to New York or London.
• Marymount (NY), Richmond AM.U. (L)
• I want to teach English.
• I'm scared I can't do it.
• I'm not aiming for BU or anything anymore, I realize it's a stretch, UMASS.A. is my aim school now.
• I don't care I'm not the brightest bulb in the room, who gives a shit? Wow, you have a high GPA, fucking claps around for you.
• I can't wait to get out of here.

• You're hair.
• You're eyes.
• The weirdness of your teeth.
• You're so genuine.
• Your scrawniness.
• Your muscles.
• When you wear your glasses.
• You care about me.
• You don't want me hurting myself.
• You took care of me when I was sick.
• We have the same mind.
• You're smart.
• You know what to say, and when.
• You're not an ass hole
• You love me back
• I can be myself around you
• I can cry, and you wouldn't care
• Your weird since-of-style in girls
• You let me take you shopping.
• You'd never use a person.
• You're REAL.

• People who dislike others based on their clothes.
• Those who dislike others based on their physicality.
• People who only do things to be different.
• People who lie.
• Those who embrace things, because they think it's "cool".
• People who act like they're a fucking king/queen.
• People who don't know someone, but judge them as if they do.
• Those who think they know EVERYTHING.
• People who think the world revolves around them.
• People who befriend someone because they want the "privilages" the other has.
• Users.
• Back-stabbers.
• People who are two-faced.