- I really want to get stuff done today but i am so worn out from Dollywood and not being able to sleep as long as i wanted to because of the motherfucking sun
- Mentally i feel up to doing things but once i actually start to do something i just wanna pass the fuck out.
- I had a dream that i woke up and made coffee and i think its funny how when im in my dream world all i wanna do is be awake but in my awake world i only wanna sleep. i'm always so exhausted. I really really have no clue why maybe if i were a little sleepy i could blame it on just not getting enough sleep. But even with sleep i feel like a zombie. i seriously wonder if it's bc i dont have much to look forward to each day besides the small things in the usual routine. i don't really know what to do about it
- I feel like you can sometimes act like a 9 year old and it really annoys me bc i wanna be able to be cute and affectionate with you but you act like it gets on your nerves. i try to hug you or touch your stomach or set my head between your shoulder blades and you ask "what?" like you're getting annoyed that im not talking to you or laughing at your excessive joking and im being touchy instead. i just get kind of tired of talking sometimes. and i wish you would get the message that i want you to set your hand on my knee or play with my hair or something instead of being so sweet at one point then acting like friends for the rest of the week. i like your joking sometimes, but it gets tiring. relationships are hard.
- i'm mad at myself for not getting my english homework done or cleaning, but i feel in a haze today. i'm too tired to do something productive and too awake to sleep. i also want to be able to sleep tonight. i have church in the morning but i really don't want to go. i never do. i actually hate going to church. and the youth group keeps trying to get me to come. but really i cant help but thinking about how much the bible is bullshit and im so tired of smiling around old people. i want to murder every bitchass christian that is demanding of people converting to our religion and coming to church. christians are so full of themselves. I hate being in a group and community. i just want to be independent from this "family" i've grown up around. i want to be on my own. this year has been the slowest year of my life. and i feel like im never gonna have freedom and i think that thought depresses me more than anything else. that and having a shit future where i wont be able to support myself. that's literally about where all my thinking goes. i dont want to have to care, but we're kind of forced to. im really bad at finding a happy medium anyways. im always on two completely different zones.
- i hope i do fun stuff during spring break. i plan for it to be mostly just fucking around. i want it to be really memorable and eventful, but it really depends on what other people are up to doing and how jill is feeling about letting me do things. hopefully it wont be to much of just vegging around. i hate feeling unproductive. that's like top 5 most hated feelings. i also need to do homework though that i procrastinated on, but english homework is shit i actually feel the need to put thought into. so that will take a day when im actually feeling energetic enough to have good thoughts and look things up. I tried to type some out today, but realized it wasnt long enough.
apr 12 2014 ∞
dec 23 2016 +
dec 23 2016 +