- Cb, E
- I was hoping that one day I'd have a chance to tell you about the moths. I thought I'd be able to press you open like I used to do with flowers, thumbing the petals, running fingers up the scale of leaves.
- it's almost funny how acquainted I've become with the delicate. I've twirled smile lines around the tips of my fingers. I've held the redness of an apple and sank my teeth into the wholeness.
- F
- don't you even dare you fucking piece of shit all it ever was about was you. I've stitched along the edge of all four chambers and for the first time let a living breathing human being see the glint of darkness I hold under my tongue I bound your bandages and wrapped your wounds (and didn't even get the slightest of acknowledgment) and repeated the prettiest of sentiments, extracted deep from within, like a fucking mantra, over and fucking over again. The only consolation I received was a clouded mind and bruises and I'm done with all this pathetic shit leave me alone I thought this was over god damn it you got what you wanted
- I forget your name I don't even know how you sit diagonal from me in that one class I'll remember eventually though I promise
- I'm a rude girl I'm sorry. There's no filter and I'vbe thought long and hard it's been a couple of weeks yikes
- dude bruh you're a good writer yo
- A, Ir, Dm
- I'm so very sorry
- I really do mean it
- BP
- Yo I'm friends with your boyfriend's ex he's a douchecanoe asswagon I wish this was the kind of thing that only happened in specific things to specific people, just the kind of incident due to irrefutable/inconsolable differences, but, well shit, it's not.
- you seem like a cool cat though woo yeah
- cc (correspondence?)
- you metamorphosed into a huge throbbing cock but I still like you I guess
- or maybe I just want to like you
- Best of luck to you I wish you the best forever and ever
- ir
- ive hid the card and all its tatters (the remnants of a broken heart? At this point I don't know who's anymore) in between my shoeboxes. (this isn't even a metaphor i'm being quite literal here) I'm sorry for hurting you i really am
- friend
- im still waiting for that adventure
- I just want to be young again. There used to be a fence and I used to be able to fit in between the cracks and run for an endless amount of time, a procession of moments, along green grass and large pipes an security cameras and some strange buildings. I had no idea where I was and that added to the beauty of it. It had the sheen of a young adult novel,a fairytale, so what. These things lose their spark when you acquire a map. I don't want to grow up. It's too late.
- friend
- G
- I'm sorry but I know you're not. I'll lock up all the words we've ever exchanged in a little black box. No matter the case, I'm so very happy that you're happy. It touches my soul to see you smile. I know the endless ribbons of smugness lodged inside of it but I also know there's selflessness in it too. I wish you the best. I can't say I miss you because I'm not too sure of that any more. But I hope you're happy and that you stay happy and that everything turns out all right.
- F/Cb
- I feel so much genuine sorrow for you
- ✔
- Come to think of it, I don't think I ever really left anyone
- c.c (again but I don't feel like adding to the above)
- you'd be the worst person to come to when one needs help. I'll cross stitch this into my souls. Embed the fucking words in my heart, under my eyelids.
- c.c. And f/cb (same message to both, though individually)
- you're so incredibly mean. Either you're toxic or I'm toxic or we both just kill each other but in all honesty it seems to me to be the first thing I listed and it kills me because how in the name of hell would I know if that was true? It could just as easily be me that's the bad one. I'm argumentative and have to much pride and am too stubborn in such arguments.
- but. I'm not sorry. Actually, I do admit that in some ways I am. But as a whole I am not. You've made me cry and told me I was overreacting and swore and yelled and then covered it up the next like it was nothing. You wouldn't know how much that hurts. (Ps don't expect me to be nice after you send me offensive and aggressive messages. I told myself I wouldn't anymore.)
- I'm nice again and I don't mean to be rude I'm so very sorry
- I'm going to retract that in a couple of days
- friends
- I haven't been able to leave the house this break I'm so very sorry I know I said we could do fun things but we won't. I'm not very fun right now
- maybe tomorrow? (Saturday)
- a bunch of people or maybe none at all (vague, huh)
- because it really is that easy. I used to think such things when I was little too, and perhaps that is why it was so effortless. I told myself I was falling in love, bit by bit, with something I had forgotten. Or maybe even thrown away.
- because I have to be the fucking surgeon, going after you with knife in hand, trying to find the worlds that spark in the midst of bone. and oh, how they wither.
- because that's how it is, isn't it? Dropping words like orange peels into the trash.
- My intentions follow the curve of your finger.
- go ahead, make my grief into something tangible.
- cb, cjq
- I remember you telling me that I had small hands, and in the dark of movie theaters we'd press the two together. You'd smile. At that time I know I did too.
- See, the thing is, I could clench my hands into fists around you and your heart would still be untouched. That's how small you are.
- L
- Dammit I did the thing again. And to think I didn't even call you by name.
- (well I do now. But I don't think I've ever seen mine form between the hollow of your mouth)
- Let me unlock you down to your fucking bones. I want to see what's inside and why.
- I've wondered too much and this is where's it has got me. That's how it goes, isn't it? I've twirled a story around you in about the time it takes a class period to end.
- I'm writing this to clear my head but I guess if one has to write about it is already too late.
- W
- Why were you feeling bad?
- Why do you feel bad?
- The kids (yes, multiple) who I talked to a couple of times and I'm think I'm supposed to be irritated
- It has been said in the Qu'ran that Jesus breathed life into clay pigeons.
- I look at you and wish I could be doing the same. there's some kind of hardness visible, and I think that maybe it's your heart; and I want to hold it in my hands and warm it up and maybe the rest will follow suit. A one track mind;a one track heart. And it's frozen shut and maybe you want it that way. Imagine that.
- Something about the way you talk and act and move (like a desecrated monument, and yet I'm sure you still think you're all that) makes me want to invoke some kind of violence. Break you into pieces. Make you HUMAN. Vulnerable.
- but no softness exists inside of you. It would only make you harder.
- If anything happens I'm imagining my arms, hanging limp and outwards while you hold me in place-- a crucifixion of sorts.
- And then I look up from where I hang and my eyes meet yours and oh,
- how i pity you.
- J,E
- you're a p cool kid and I wish I could be nicer and engage in deeper conversations but it appears that lately I have become a callous individual. Nevertheless, I hope we become closer friends because it seems like you've got a lot to say.
- G
- F/Cb
- You are just manifestations of every single person you've talked to. You've stolen her hands! And his sorrow! And my words! I am fifteen and walking in between faces of men, hundreds of men, who burn in and out of existence, and consequently stamp themselves onto the back of my mind. And you are/were one of them. A tragedy. A friend talks about you as if he was the moon and you were the sun; a reflection, a giver of light. He couldn't be any more wrong. I am fifteen and my mother is crying about you; and me; and us.She would know about these kinds of relationships; which explains why I know about them too. Unspoken truths passed along the flesh. I want to bite free.
- ramblings of a broken brain. I can't think straight. Someone mentioned you a week ago and I checked in for the first time in a very long time to find proof that things could have gotten a whole lot worse. It's sickening, really, how you use soft words to fix your own faults onto others and the attention onto yourself. I imagine myself brushing beige onto blue. If I had stood up for myself more we would have become a cliche.
- soft and sour people
- If you fall, I will catch you.
- KM
- You are a dumb and manipulative bitch and your eyes don't land in the place they should and I smelled the shit on your breath and shook your hand anyways??
- Too forgiving I guess
- everything moves in circles
- AL
- Why did you burn your poetry?
- km (again)
- I
- want
- to
- be
- seen
- as
- a
- PERSON
- and I know it's not going to happen but I can't help being upset about this
- AL
- I guess you don't wanna talk to me anymore (which is a rather abrupt conclusion to reach, I suppose, but it seems very likely). I still wanna be your friend I guess, but I never really knew you, and the whole thing was rather disconnected
- I don't care as much as I thought I would, I guess writing this is my attempt at trying to do so
- H and A
- I feel like-
- I am mean to you, and I am sorry
- E and J
- You guys are the bomb.com
- <33
- AF
- I have to write you a note because I've written everyone a note but man, I've already written so much
- no one else ever in the history of my entire life has ever made me so nervous
- before I ever even saw you, or the other stuff happened, etc. i don't know how or why. That's the real reason i avoided you all the time. I'm sure you'd be happy to know that. Which is why you never will.
- You were one of my closest friends
- stay safe, and I hope you grow up and feel better and become happy with yourself soon
- I really cared about you dude, and i still do kinda
- do you believe in the red string theory? like connects everyone to everyone, etc etc etc. Example: if i think about eli in a certain way, the cord ripples and he will, without a doubt, snapchat me when the line reaches him either that night or the next day. I am worried about how you left it up to me to cut it. Here I go. Snip. I hope I don't see you in this college next year. Know that I want to wish you a happy birthday, know that I won't, know that you won't understand a single thing I think or have thought or said. That's what makes it all pretty bad.I told the mendota about lots of things but one of them was you, and she hit the rocks in her hard way like a cat lapping up water, and I said, alright. I will pour out a drink for you and all the other dead men out of the equinox apartments. Snip.
- 10/11/16--> i never want to see or hear from you again
- 10/28/16--> every dream i have about you is a bad one and idk why i'm suddenly having any in the first place but please leave me alone
- also idk if there's meaning to be ascribed to anything but if we can believe the old and the ancient and the ascetics if fate and symbols are real, and your plant broke today (on accident, and i'll try and save it i guess, because it's a plant and also the most beautiful one i own and don't want it to have anything to do with you anyways), then what would that mean?
sep 29 2013 ∞
oct 28 2016 +