• writing things to everbody and nobody in particular
  • many people have been wanting me to post my old stuff back on here, i don't know if any of these things could mean anything to you, but this, there is a significance in this (to me) and i'm trying to understand what that means.
  • dear world, i am slowly evaporating. it would mean the world to me if you could show me something amazing. love, asher.
  • i will be the best boy ever
    • i will document all of our greatest moments
      • we will always remember - together
        • these, i promise
  • digging the potential energy from underneath my fingernails to tell someone i care
  • maybe "ocean" sounds like "notion" and we're all trying to find them. on the way there, little waves are lined with notes and colors and remainders of you. what if our bodies formed like water, our language is rippled in the shores. our bodies are nothing if not a playground, the body is nothing but an ocean.
  • how you feel when you reach backwards and touch something you don't know. you've said something significant but it's foreign. i thought you spoke french. don't tell me things of this world anymore. i've moved past from it.
  • i woke up in the middle of the night with a sore throat but focused more on how sore my eyes were. for some reason four hundred and thirty lightning bugs ended up in my room when i opened my eyes.
  • you find my feelings deep in a book but on thin pages.

you find my love under the dense rind but it's always easiest to peel when it's so thick.

  • making friends with shadows has never been easier.
  • we walked into the woods that day, I remember because the trees were in bloom.
  • insomnia is killing me, I can feel it sucking the life from me.
    • slam all your thoughts into the front part of your brain
      • under the bangs
        • behind the eyeballs
          • where the magnetism of your ideas to the rest of the world
            • will eventually pull the gray matter right through your fucking skull
  • nothing really interests me anymore, whenever I do find something interesting it ends up feeling like battery acid on my tongue.
  • I regretted not making time to think of all the things I should have made time to think about.
  • I have got to be more productive and focused.
  • I have got to be more productive and focused.
  • I have got to be more productive and focused.
  • I have got to be more productive and focused.
  • I have got to be more productive and focused.
  • I have got to be more productive and focused.
  • what is this propensity of love you carry inside you, is love such a visceral feeling?
  • I hate when people take themselves too seriously.
  • come on. please.
  • I hate when people don't take themselves serious enough.
  • Maybe we will never speak out loud to each other again but I like to think at least about my palms making contact with the railing up to your apartment. instead of climbing the stairs.
  • It has a nice ring when you laugh.
  • The back of your hands are of no importance to me.
  • I kept pressing stop on my watch, time ruins everything.
  • I speak words of honey but I'm overflowing with tragedy.
  • I'm not here.
  • i think if i were anything less i wouldn't be here.
  • you reached your fingers to my face. from my perspective you had a grin that extended from your mouth directly up your arm into my cheek. i stared, as if you were a performer waiting to move. but just as our shared silence became about the space of nothingness full of potential-everything, so was your movement. your blind intentions. i thought about how the silence became a positive space. this gesture without an ultimate action had taken the same form- both the silence and your reach.
  • human emotions are beyond me
  • there are some things i want to show you, things i want to make for you, things to cook for you
  • i want to teach you how to create worlds, i want to teach you how to create a house of cards, i want to teach you how to stand on your hands, i want to teach you how to tie cherry stems with your tongue, i want to teach you how to read backwards and sideways and upside down, i want to teach you how to do yoga, i want to teach you how to flambe fruits (help me swallow you)
  • where do your fingertips lead? they lead everywhere.
  • a scoop of vanilla ice cream on your forehead to watch it melt and cover your face.
  • we are just trying to find an excuse to be together.
  • saying things outloud to each other and to everyone else.
  • your poor heart swells at the thought, your hair moves itself at the idea, guard yourself just a bit so you aren't hurt this lifetime, at this point death seems like it would hurt less. but maybe i'm being melodramatic.
  • you're like a dream... you're real.. but then you're not. you're somewhere in between and that's where i want to be.
  • emotionally charged dreams
  • i'm not who you think i am, i am a potentially constructed memory of who you want me to be.
  • potential energy, right now: we have a lot of potential energy.
  • if i ever find myself in your hometown, at the airport, with you in my periphery: we'll have so much static energy.
  • and one day, the kinet ic. hopefully--please.
  • i like you, i like your words, and if you told me you breathed fire i would look for the pillars of smoke in your breath
  • i hear that monarch butterflies go south for the winter. i'd like you to do the same to me.
    • i keep walking with my chin rested on my shoulder and my eyes rolled back, watching the world pass under my ankles.
      • i wonder if you were walking next to me or in front of me if i would continue to sink my eyeballs into the landscape.
          • maybe i should just close my eyes.
            • i bet you're in your REM cycle right now.
  • one time i thought about asking my dad for help by asking what he would have done but i realized that he was as dead of an idea as you were.
  • i drew a line that leads to your eyelashes.
  • it's been a couple of days since we've spoken. but i'm not sure, i haven't heard you.
  • maybe i'll die with my eyes closed, with no hands.
  • he used to rake the fall leaves every saturday on his day off. the yard was densely populated with oak trees. he would rake the leaves onto his driveway and i could see the grasses relief after being able to breathe again. all of the green stalks pointed every which way like they just woke up with a cowlick. once the leaves were on the driveway he would burn them in his purple converse and incredibly short shorts. one time we passed him, my sister and i, and threw a strip of red devil firecrackers at his feet. the fuse sparked, he had no clue, and the popping made him dance faster than i'd ever seen him move.
  • these are the sort of things you remember when you are missing someone. if i understood a scenario like this i wouldn't miss someone. with understanding or knowledge would come peace or calmness.
    • but death is shrouded in some sense of mystery that leaves us all feeling useless
  • Autophobia: An abnormal and persistent fear of loneliness, of being alone. A fear of solitude. Sufferers from autophobia may experience anxiety even though they realize that being alone does not threaten their well-being. They may worry about being ignored and unloved, or they may worry about intruders, strange noises or the possibility of developing a medical problem.

Autophobia also has another sense, that of an irrational fear of oneself, intense self-fear that is groundless.

Autophobia also has another sense, that of an irrational fear of oneself, intense self-fear that is groundless.

Autophobia also has another sense, that of an irrational fear of oneself, intense self-fear that is groundless.

Autophobia also has another sense, that of an irrational fear of oneself, intense self-fear that is groundless.

Autophobia also has another sense, that of an irrational fear of oneself, intense self-fear that is groundless.

Autophobia also has another sense, that of an irrational fear of oneself, intense self-fear that is groundless.

Autophobia also has another sense, that of an irrational fear of oneself, intense self-fear that is groundless.

Autophobia also has another sense, that of an irrational fear of oneself, intense self-fear that is groundless.

  • i'd just like to be able to say to a person one day, "this is all i want. all the time."
  • i feel young, you know? i am. i think i have a lot of growing up to do. a lot.
  • you lay sick in my stomach, like the flu.
  • everything is dark, it doesn't matter if your eyes are open or closed.
  • like opening your eyes in a public pool, you just want to close them again.
  • in high school i was in love to the sounds of school bells
  • in the very end of my teenage years i was in love to the sounds of spinning bicycle wheels
  • in the very beginning of my 20's i am in love to the sounds of you and there is nothing i can do about it
  • "what makes you emotional?"-"you mean cry?"-"yeah, cry."
  • i have lost all motivation. i lost vision of my goals. my existence has broadened past visibility. what could be so optimistic seems so limiting and negative.
  • i lost sight of a lot of things in the past year or so. but i also feel like i might have realized the truth about a lot of things as well. i feel as if my pursuit of my dreams were a bit insincere almost. i was doing things for the wrong reasons maybe. i just think that i have been in a hole for a while. i recognize that i'm in a hole but i still can't do anything yet. i feel sort of queezy typing this because i know i just have to wait to get out of this way of feeling for all of this to make sense. someday in the future it will hit me like a brick. i will realize what needs to be done. i will become excited again. My goals and future will seem as bright and in focus as ever before.
    • I can't wait for that day.
  • Proprioception is the ability to detect the position of the body in space.
  • i told someone at some point that i wish i knew what was going on. they sincerely asked why and i just decided to go to sleep.
  • i started remembering my dreams once you appeared
    • i can't distinguish the difference between you and my dreams anymore
        • the parallels are uncanny
  • it calmed me to finally realize that if i lost you
  • i would be very sad

i would teach you everything you would want to know,

    • starting from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet
    • iris to iris
    • collarbone to kneecap
    • left corner of your mouth to right corner of your eyebrow
    • belly button to neckline
    • from your forearms down to the wrist
    • hairline on the back of the neck to your outstretched hand
    • the space between the earlobe and shoulder
    • back of the knee where it bends to a shoulder blade
    • tip of the thumb to tip of the forefinger
    • tip of the nose over your head to the beginning of your spine
    • one wrist to the other wrist
    • around your thigh
    • around your elbow
    • around your mouth between your lips
    • chest to shins
    • farthest back tooth to big toe
    • corner of jaw to the top of the hip bone
    • chin to eyelid
    • and finally around a finger of your choosing
  • "what's the opposite of a bruise? - luv"
  • I did this thing where I would write something but just as quickly erase it. Half attempted charm, half amazement at a situation. All I wanted to know really is what color your eyes are.
  • you've always been right, I never liked it but I always loved it
  • i think i miss you but i'm not sure what it means to miss something you've never had
  • what are my thoughts chasing today: obligation or aspiration
  • i could mean a lot of things to a lot of people one day
    • maybe i'll mean something to you one day
  • she, was really pretty. naively pretty.
  • i hope to become innocent again, to find comfort in your comfort, i just can't fathom what it means.
  • where are you now, what are you doing? i thought i'd take some time out of my day to miss you.
  • all right, let's talk about ideas. oh, you felt this long ago but i doubted it all because i didn't doubt what i felt, at all. even if we wanted to stop we couldn't. the winds keep moving don't they?
    • fuck, even my own eyelashes miss blinking when i think about you.
  • It's not so much the it, it's more the out. the out of hands the out of control the out of time, money, energy. there is nowhere up from there and nothing but sides to sides. if I could translate the jello, all hard and sweet and eventually breaking into mush, that those soggy sockets are shaking from the stomach. the bit IT would not be a big out and would instead be the big IN. as in entering you from that point of understanding deep in your brain where everything tried to get to but often gets long lost in a lock of abstraction and obtrusion. inhibitions and exhalations. it is okay that your it is out and will never be in. maybe it's the past, the present or maybe it's something that never occured, it's the rushes and the crushes. but it's certainly not anything i can stomach for more hours than time.
  • your voice rings in my ear like day-dream bells, may i touch you softly to be sure of you.
  • i wish you could have seen the face i just made. i'm all smiles and frowns.
  • i'm sorry for the selfishness of my heart. i would like you to be where i am so i could get lost in the mass of your hair. you're golden, love. don't change a bit. just let that lovely mind of yours leak some of those sincere and talented ideas out.
  • feelings feelings feelings
  • i left you leftover chow mein and two scoops of ice cream in the fridge. i'm trying to comprehend my surroundings, unsure of where to go. where can i be content? come with me.
  • i tried walking to the gulf of mexico, i gave up when i realized i didn't know which way was south.
  • i stumbled through the trees and ivy this morning, still feeling in pursuit of something specific but I have yet to pinpoint it. i know very few things. i've found myself floating and floating quite often. it is pleasant to let go sometimes. however, it has been very frustrating. my sense of responsibility has gone out of the window. i can't help but feel this emotional sensitivity to the world and to everything around me
  • summer depression. like letting the faucet run on leftover syrup on your plate.
    • stagnation
    • multitude in solitude
    • ability
    • articulating statements
    • speaking something specific
    • proclamation
  • i was tired and happy, sitting next to a person that i imagined was you on a smushy couch. i asked her to write down her deepest, darkest secrets. she told me that just because i asked her doesn't mean she would ever tell me. i told her a secret because the idea of having no secrets makes my heart pulsate. after that, i stopped revealing everything about myself and went home.
  • i feel my teeth falling out of my face. what was keeping them there in the first place?
  • i am realizing there is caring but then there is caring too much. it's not my agenda, it's theirs. i set my bar really high for people. but i wouldn't do that if i didn't know they had it in them. that fact makes it so much harder for me when they stop pushing themselves because i know they have it in them. everyone has it in them. and it's only after that point of realization, is when the immensity of my love can blossom.
  • inspirationally uninspired
  • when we were younger we would adventure and we would just get lost in your forest. we'd go out every which way in every direction. then at one point i started realizing that it wasn't as big as we thought it was. i watched my feet step on pine needles and i would always find you on the bottom of the forest by the river.
  • love, love is so good. spending your time naively obsessing.
    • in our silent glances, our silent introductions, our silent words, we lie to ourselves about our emotions, we captivate each other with our movements and sensitivity. i hope to god that god is real tonight because i know that we both will be gone one day and if this is the furthest i get, i will have to just fill the space separating us with love and beautiful, stunning and shocking things. we are just two worlds, as in two completely different spectrums of being, your planet is full but never full enough because it's always growing, mine is expansive and vast but filled with a hollow core. this is all so much bigger than 'us' bigger in a sense that we are two human beings with the possibility of enlightenment and genuine feelings but smaller in the way that i am too flawed to be anything you aspire me to be.
  • we are just two planets and i love you.
    • everything i love in life is revolving around your face
  • i'm lost, and this sensation is filling me fully.
  • let's be all the things they told us we couldn't
  • let's get this momentum going
  • right now you are somewhere thinking pretty thoughts
  • feeling pretty melodramatic today
    • i'm bored. i need a job
    • i have nothing to say. i feel unproductive.
    • i ask questions still. women are always the ones speaking to me
    • i allow my insecurities to show themselves. i show them so they aren't insecurities any longer.
    • i'm sorry i left you lying stagnant
  • you may see things, but i have the upper hand. i feel with my eyes and know with my hands, yeah i felt you but you know facets of this world i'll never know
  • i think about it all day. i turn my happiness off. i turn it on. i slip in and out of this mentality like your eyelids flashing up and down. on my own i question every thing and thought. these thoughts float above me and nothing else matters.
  • don't feel abandoned. i'm behind you with nothing but sweet dreams
  • i'm haunted every single day but not like a ghost haunted. it's the kind of emotionally crushing feeling you'd want to tell someone while they are sleeping
  • trapped and tired is the breath of what i'd say and not have the ideas and intentions flown by you. but the problem is that it will never let you sleep well, but keep you up with reminders of me, my thoughts lay under your covers but are as easily removable as biting your lips to remove the dead skin.
  • (thinking about making my way towards you before i move back to my home for good)
  • i'm crossing my heart because my fingers are busy right now
  • you can't breathe it all year long - we're not going anywhere fast
  • what does it take to be like you
  • how much of ourselves are we
  • everything changes in order to exist
  • you don't want to live in this body bag with me do you, i could see myself spending my entire life in here.
  • IT'S LIKE... THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE WAY SHADOWS LAY ACROSS SIDEWALKS IN THE EAST COAST AND THE WEST COAST. IT'S LIKE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN... I DON'T KNOW.
  • r
  • re
  • rea
  • read
  • read t
  • read th
  • read thi
  • read this
  • read this w
  • read this wh
  • read this whe
  • read this when
  • read this when y
  • read this when yo
  • read this when you
  • read this when you a
  • read this when you ar
  • read this when you are
  • read this when you are s
  • read this when you are sa
  • read this when you are sad
  • read this when you are sad :
  • read this when you are sad :(
  • There's nothing left. What had been the significance has now become insignificant. I'll breathe it in until I stop breathing, too many god-damnits, too many fuck-its. One day I'll visit from the east. The desert is as dead as me, and that's where I'll be.
  • i hardly heard the sound of your forehead making friends with a tabletop of ice. where trapped inside is what I'd say to make you wake up. it's almost 12 a.m. and i'm making up a story where we always come out the other end, so we step carefully and kindly, as to not raise awareness that we are avoiding the fact that this is just a story i made up in my head. you're the crease on my blank page. you're a sticky mess, and a piece is trapped in my hair. i'm glad you are who you are. i woke up with knots all over my knots, swallowed into my intestines in the part of my stomach where my fears live. and that was it, that's the end of the story. and this is it, this is the end of the story.
  • i grind my teeth, rupture my organs, drift into unconsciousness and pretend that the world will stop revolving
  • it's almost winter but the only thing i remember is a summer dream
  • the remainder of my life is spread thin upon your doorsteps
  • “i got back from a funeral”
    • “who died?”
      • i think me”
  • (an old journal entry marked 04/2007) i deleted your number from my phone but soon realized immediately afterwards, what if i get hit by car or my heart stops working and i only have a couple of breaths left of life and what if in that final moment of my life you were the person i decided to call and i fumble for my phone to dial you, but your number is gone and i haven't memorized it. so then, i put your number back into the phone and memorized it just in case. ever since i did that the other day, i've been thinking how much it would ruin your life if you were the person that i called right before i died. so now i just feel guilty.
  • making my head and heart spin when you sink yourself into my presence making me feel like melted butter.
  • why are you sad? why not? it’s cognitive and real to me. my sadness exists somewhere between my brain and my fingertips. i want to share it with everyone. i want to wedge it into all of your tiny bodies, under the skin until it worms it’s way into your heart
  • a reciprocated sadness in your eyes from being within my domestic space. i meet your eyes every day but it's like i haven't seen them in weeks. that's how much they are pinned up inside me. i don't know whether to be happy or sad. in case you've forgotten, a letter to remember.
  • it's certainly not anything I can stomach for more hours than time to know that my words, dirty and sad, were the ones tongued into your teeth and the air was too embarrassed to hang around. it's not me anymore, we have to realize that my eyes are closed while yours are open.
  • you said you wanted to kiss me
    • i want to kiss you too, i want my kisses to fall on you like a blanket of moonlight
  • i'm sorry, i'm sorry for the bony elbows and the scattered letters i have written, you want something sweet and pure, a beautiful boy to take root into your heart, but the only thing you'll find here is left bruised and ruined.
  • please give me time, i need time, your time, my time, our time
    • hearts warm and break but nothing is new
  • i quit my job, i left home, i crafted a new philosophy that influences how i perceive the world, and my role in it. i have taken what i needed and moved on, leaving behind anything meaningless. you're a really special person. you're not physical just more of a beautiful idea where i can rest my thoughts. i made sure to bring my bicycle.
    • you and i don't have a story yet
    • i'm not a writer
    • but i'll keep trying
  • moving to tokyo to lie in purple cherry blossom petals, anything to help me sleep better
  • and like that she was gone, i saw the potential of your life, and it spoke more to me more than you can imagine
  • and like wet timber, i will bear the weight of you for days or months or however long it takes for you to dry, until i can spark a flame in your heart
    • where are you
  • you had these eyes, they were really just raw and honest, limited yet with endless potential. i want to love you as if i were to die pretty soon ( don't worry i won't )
    • we will be comfortable like old people
      • but old people with a lot to do.
    • every eyelash on her face has its own soul, i swear
    • what if my eyelashes grew and grew until it brushed against your face, would it tickle?
  • it's like how i hate ricotta cheese. then one day you might say "fuck, I like ricotta cheese." and then the next day i eat the shit out of them because you like them.
    • that's how it is, i hit an emotional breaking point where i want a new place to be, clean house, a new hair cut, not being alone for the first time in a long time.
  • just spent 17 dollars at starbucks
  • you should see the bruise on my knee
  • we're gonna get so much ice cream together
    • and none of it will melt
        • and none of it will fall on the ground
  • we met in a dream, i wasn't sure what that made us, we met in a dream, our minds, you being there, and something came of it all, i think about how fast my heart could stop beating if i had woken up at that precise moment.
    • carve my name into a tree
    • let me know you're gone
    • you will be missed
  • the only reason im not completely afraid is because i know i can fail and fail and fail again at everything i do in life, and it wouldn't matter because i could just go back home.
  • i'll welcome you next to me
    • we will live for the loss of inhibitions
  • i don't remember the first girl i ever spoke to, i don't remember the first teacher i had a crush on, i remember you making my heart feel like warm syrup
    • trying to reach out to you in a way, even if i never get a chance to speak to you again
  • my mother told me to keep her in my thoughts. i felt bad.
  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tfsL9Kq8R8 why did the sloth cross the road? to eat your cadbury chocolates
  • 12 am. as i feel more and more tired i feel the quiver on the skin covering my arm, you make me feel homesick
  • i'm imagining you as the bagel and me as the butter
  • all hard and sweet eventually breaking into mush, maybe it's the rabbits, maybe it's the birds, the distinction has been brewing in my thoughts for days now, i composed a letter, it read long but felt short, what's the problem with that? it was dense, emotionally charged with confusion and separation. i quickly erased it and took a nap with my finger pressed against what i thought was your temple. lying there waiting for the smoke signals to seep from your lips of all the things you would say in this silence. i'm sorry i love you. i'm sorry, i love you.
  • where do those petals lead? where will you go when you are tired of this place? i always thought you were above the clouds until i saw the dirt on your heels, it's a perfect day to ride anywhere
    • can i bathe you in syrup
  • i was reading all my posts realizing how much someone could know about me if they read this. i was quite embarassed seeing how much things matter to me, but im okay with that i think.
  • i buttered my toast in your name
  • what if i sent you a singing pink gorilla telegram who would sing elvis' love me tender when you answered the door. i can't stop laughing at the idea.
  • wanting to pick the bits of grass from your hair; not wanting to touch it because it's perfect that way
  • yes we are all going to die soon. if we spent more time surrounding ourselves with life, beautiful things will happen that will be incomprehensible to us; everything i could have possibly dreamed you would be is the catalyst to what is happening right now.
  • i want to eat ice cream when i'm sad, i don't think there is enough ice cream in the world for when i talk to you
    • god damnit little bird i still love you, i'll miss you during my late night ice cream run
  • i like waking up and realizing you don't have to wake up
  • can someone build me a brother
  • http://i51.tinypic.com/2utnmnr.jpg stood outside and finished cutting the rest of my hair
  • stand still in the creek and immerse yourself into the water and watch how the water flows around your being and gently forms around you like you were never there.
  • "what are insecurities if we show them to everyone?"
    • fears, hesitations, i don't know
  • "sometimes you get so close to someone you end up on the other side of them." it's a good thing you're over 700 miles away
  • biting my loneliness; swallowing it whole. learning to crawl before i walk, learning to drown before i swim. my love is 3-dimensional, and there's nothing i can do about it.
  • my hold on existence itself is tenuous at best, as of right now this is the only thing keeping me from disappearing
  • we'll be pretty happy for two sad people
  • things i'm going i will make at home for you
    • strawberry focaccia
    • macaroni and cheese
    • hummus
    • crêpes
    • bread pudding
    • tomato fennel soup
    • chocolate dipped pretzels
    • creme brulee
    • banana nut bread
    • blueberries in cream and sugar
    • french sugar toast
    • greek salad with agave nectar
    • i won't make you fried chicken
  • right now you are sleeping and i'm making cat sounds
  • saying your name feels like vitamin c on my tongue
  • that's what makes the sauce so awesome
  • committing my life to peanut butter sandwiches 2011
  • i want to teach you how to breathe on purpose all the time
  • it's hard to look at the moon and pretend that it hasn't formed there just for you. my doctor asked me why i looked so down today. i told him that i was always sad and that it's just a defense tactic
    • for the longest time i thought everyone contemplated and analyzed everything as much as I did. the more and more people that i'm around the more i realize that that is not the case. and that i'm not sane at all. i'm tunnel visioned in the anxiety of my life, dealing with gravity, dealing with not knowing what to do, of wanting to kiss someone, of my education, of work. i beat it into the ground, i cannot stand to be like anyone else. i've never had a huge grasp on my emotions but if i really care about anything or anyone i will think about it all day long, i mean it makes sense. if you care about something you will want to be good at it. i've dealt with things that i've been horrible at but caring is just something i've always been good at.
  • http://www.moviemobsters.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/graduate.jpg - just a thought
    • let's build a fort in the back of our minds
  • my only prerequisite is that you be willing to trim my facial hair
  • T A K E O V E R T A K E O V E R T A K E O V E R T
  • A K E O V E R T A K E O V E R T A K E O V E R T
  • A K E O V E R T A K E O V E R T A K E O V E R T
  • A K E O V E R T A K E O V E R T A K E O V E R T A
  • K E O V E R T A K E O V E R T A K E O V E R T A
  • K E O V E R T A K E O V E R T A K E O V E R
  • if it's anything, i don't know, but it's something
  • maybe you woke up and i didn't, maybe i'm still waiting to wake up

-I'M HEARTBROKEN

-OH, DO YOU WANT A TUMS?

  • To see a tsunami in your dream, represents that you are being overwhelmed by some repressed feelings or unconscious material that is rising up to the surface in some waking situation.
  • But tidal waves are also symbolic of our feelings. They may show that we are overcome with strong feelings on an issue. The sea in dreams symbolises the feelings we have and the land the facts about some issue. For the sea to sweep over the land shows that we are making very emotional decisions.
  • TREMBLING
  • TASTING
  • I HAVE NEVER BEEN A PICKY EATER
  • BUT I WOULD LIKE TO CONSUME YOU
  • THEY KEEP OUR DESIRES AT BAY
  • IT ONLY TOOK A SHORT TIME
  • TO GET HERE
  • THE LAST YEAR FEELS EFFORTLESSLY ERASED
  • TO LOOK AND FEEL LIKE WHAT THIS IS NOW
  • TOO BIG FOR ONE
  • MAYBE RIGHT FOR TWO
  • TIME AND TIME AGAIN I EXIST HERE
  • I THINK IT'S WHAT THE FRENCH CALL 'DÉSIR ARDENT'
  • http://imageshack.us/clip/my-videos/193/ylyh.mp4/ i wish it was nice outside to do that again
  • you are waiting for me to tell you what you are waiting to hear, which is something i closely guard, i will shrink myself down and live inside your hair, if i could be close enough to touch your lips i couldn't tell you what i would do to them.
  • i want to build us a converyor belt
  • two of them
  • that will roll towards each other
  • and stop and go in reverse at one point, at the same time
  • you and i will stand on either end
  • and stand perfectly still
  • so that it runs in reverse right when our lips touch
  • and it just repeats
  • fuzzy kitty brain
  • http://i56.tinypic.com/2vlqiko.gif
  • http://i51.tinypic.com/i77l2g.jpg
  • http://i52.tinypic.com/2qlcrc5.jpg
  • DELETE FOREVER AND BE NOW
  • make a list of everyone's favorite place to watch a sunset / go there
  • each other's other
    • feelings too big for words, a feeling in the corner of my mouth, endless possibilities of feelings
  • she didn't think she actually existed. i think this is what made her so beautiful.
    • 2 = 1 = ∞
  • i don't really write anything at all, just things that need to be said
    • maybe it's okay to say something as long as you want it to be true
  • theme park food is where it's at
  • looking at you through a kaleidoscope, maybe you're better off meeting a cute french boy who speaks only one word sentences. i'm not even real. i'm the one with the sunsets.
    • i have difficulty in feigning a real existence to myself, i'd like to think that you are what's keeping me from completely disappearing altogether.
  • magic child, we fold into each other so well, you will always be my nicest and prettiest universe.
  • can't tell if im in a really bad place or if everything is 'okay'
    • ⃝ ⃝ ⃝f ⃝a ⃝l ⃝l ⃝i ⃝n ⃝g ⃝ ⃝ ⃝ ⃝d ⃝o ⃝w ⃝n ⃝ ⃝ ⃝
      • so this is what a black hole feels like
  • 90% of what i say comes from my dreams, i am so frustratingly taken away by you, i never liked this feeling but i've always loved it. love me and don't tell me this is a dream. dreams don't weigh anything.
  • (∵)-☞♥☜-(∵)
  • your love hits and sticks to me like the raspberry jam on your fingers
  • i'm not sure what brought you here, but hello to you. i don't think people realize how naive i really am. what i'm beginning to understand (i already knew this obviously but now i am experiencing it first hand) is that it is easy to get sucked into drinking friday and saturday nights and recovering on sunday and telling those annoying stories on sunday afternoon to my roommate. i hate those stories. i find myself a bit selfish saying this but everyone is saying 'me me me' but what about my me. i don't want to be shown the moon (as beautiful and celestial as it is) i just feel the need to be shown something meaningful, when someone says anything to me i want to think to myself, 'maybe the next words from their mouths will save my life'. i don't particularly feel that i can find happiness in myself as a human being if i feel like that. i've developed something real in you, i've found something that tastes tangible in the air, it's what i want, it's you i want. but i don't know how to react to it because i've never been in this situation, but i can't do anything about it without you, i want to absorb your thoughts and have profound conversations with you, i want to be closer to you. what am i doing? i haven't seen the landscapes of california, i haven't gone sailing on the northern coasts yet, but i believe in balance, and i feel happy knowing that everything in life eventually connects. this morning i woke up like a contortionist. i stood up in the middle of the ocean on a boat while it spit waves onto my face, my arms were completely asleep and my fingers felt a tingling sensation. but i think you might have had something to do with that.
    • i think i'll have my last cigarette today.
  • i just want to sleep until i'm nothing but memories
    • nothing
  • let's start by saying, that you have all these little bits of soul carrying flutters in your eyes, i wanted to notice all the little things about you that no one else seems to realize, taking all the fragile steps around you to not disturb the lava boiling underneath us all just to catch a glimpse of the way the hair on the back of your head waves when it get's cold, always hiding, always out of view.
  • more than thoughts
    • more than ideas
      • more than a thought
        • more than an idea
          • i am
            • more
            • more
            • more
  • http://i55.tinypic.com/sgtrtc.jpg
  • i swear like... your soul was illuminated in your face. i just want it parallel to mine so i can see something ineffably perfect every day. you're the smell of really nice french toast in the morning, the kind my mom used to make me before i had to go to school. man, i've always liked that french toast better than school.
  • it's hot right now, i've been really making an effort to create and find time to relax, i can't seem to get more than 2 hours of sleep because of this terrible heat. i don't feel in control of anything right now. i plan on escaping, thinking of all the places i can ride my bike or watch the trees. i guess it's like an exercise or rhythm, it's working out all the lumps. i can imagine in a perfect future, before i know it, i'll be walking out my front door at 6 in the morning, leading myself downstairs, to the right of 8th and main street, waiting for a train to pull up, maybe my coffee will be good, hopefully working my way toward some greater goal i'm unaware of, watching the ways my feet kind of form a triangle as i stand in front of you,
  • my heart just melted into a thousand tiny pools of blood, everything feels right, i enjoy you.
  • http://i51.tinypic.com/x6ek8.jpg
  • it is all about intent. aren't all things?
  • disappear or appear, evaporate slowly, there and gone, at once, everything, you are blurred shapes on the horizon where i put my thumb across and trace it gently with my hand. you lay where the blinds draw in their lights across your body, where your head rests in the corner where the walls meet and touch the floor. permanence, ephemera, i don't mind either.
  • http://i55.tinypic.com/e9ev77.jpg
  • i smoke cigarettes because it's the closest i'll come to kissing something i love
  • here she is, a new chapter in his life, a black eye on his living skin, this boy, half-destroyed, half- filled with cities of light. i said kiss me here and here and here and here.
    • and you did
        • young and beautiful and in love and waiting for you
          • it's been waiting inside of me this whole time. do you want it? do you want anything i have? will it ever be real enough to lay down next to you?
  • pictured everything, left with nothing, and nobody cares. i'm done. done. done.|
  • will you still love me even when we're both dead?
    • don't be silly
        • you were crying and smiling and laughing in a way that never made any sense.
  • who needs girls when you have wheat thins
  • it's good to feel things, and if it hurts, we're doing it right.
  • tator tots for breakfast
  • heartbreaking but so fascinating
  • open your eyes
  • http://imageshack.us/clip/my-videos/641/t2b.mp4/ karaoke with m & e
  • you can tell pretty much everything you need to know about a person by the way they say hello, say it now because you will never run out of things to say
    • i've always wanted my lips to crack and bleed forever
      • everyone take a knife and cut a piece of me
  • The aztecs used to sacrifice butterflies and hummingbirds to their god Quetzalcoatl (who was opposed to human sacrifice)
  • " i am the messy in your hair asher "
  • have you ever stared at a dead person you used to love? what gave them life pools at their lips. their skin turns an awful color some describe as white. you feel a presence, it's a negative space filled with positive matter.
  • my sadness drips off the corner of my mouth like a tall glass of ice water that you forgot to drink dissolving on the kitchen counter. it blows and dissipates like the smoke rings floating towards the sky on those nights where you climbed trees to see as far as you could as if you were looking at your future.
  • weak limbs like the way you lose strength over your life time, sapped memories of things i wish i could remember.
  • he wanted to be in love, and she just happened to get in the way
  • everything and nothing and all the other things in between.
  • her eyes were a deep blue like the atlantic ocean, it was as if you could see pools of light reflected in the corners of her iris every time she blinked. i could have drowned if I stared long enough. maybe i wanted to.
  • tonight is one of those nights that you call ‘every other’ nights. tonight, i’ll dive onto my matress face down into my blanket, curl underneath and use my breath and body heat to warm the cool, bed sheets, you know, like every other night.
  • Jenny told me she barely could live after she lost that person, I asked how they died. She told me they didn’t; he left her. I dealt with my losses early in life. They still happen so why would I add onto them?
    • In one of the most life-changing conversations I have had this year, I ungrounded the idea that my struggles are that I am in a constant pursuit of finding someone to wholeheartedly support and believe in and someone to do the same to me.
      • I’ll keep trying.
  • her features are statuesque and perfect. she’s not beautiful like in cinema or tv, but alarmingly like someone specific, like an anonymous painted portrait, eternalized but blind and quiet. the only movement in her image is the deep dark pupils which reflect the landscape flowing in from the space outside her being. so there she is. the symphony of loveliness and flower petals, she is stuck in the cycle of perpetual light and continues to watch the passing landscape, her face, and the landscape embedded in her face. her image is illumated. her nose, her eyes, her cheeks ripples and flashes with passing forests and the light that shines through them.
  • does writing letters to people still even exist today?
  • if everyone has an iphone do they even bother writing notes?
  • you can’t write a text message on soft lined paper and fold it elaborately to someone
  • ‘where do you see yourself in five years?’
  • ‘me falling through the sky’
  • i’m just a deeply sad, deeply confused idiot, i’m not very good at showing love but i love very much. i wish i had a person you know, like that thing that two people do when they really care for one another, i don’t know what they call it now, it’s like a tango for two, it’s fawning over each other, it’s like when i look at you and think that you’re not really possible but definitely positive, come rest your tired fingers on one of my eyelids.
  • one time i was happily sleeping on the side of the road with my bike laying next to me, dreaming of something warm because whenever the sun hits my face i feel distinctly tired. i woke up a bit later and found 6 one dollar bills lying next to me, i think someone thought i was homeless, it was a nice day
  • i have two bruises on my right knee, they look like two sad rain clouds
  • i like the word Connecticut because it has the word connect in it and when things connect, everything seems to make more sense. One time I sat on the bus for a very long time and dozed off to the rhythm of the pavement, my hand accidentally brushed against the other person’s hand next to me and it felt like two souls were touching.
  • every time you look at the stars you're going to see her face

everything’s up in the air

Things to think about:

  • Space
  • Blood
  • Empty Glasses
  • Someone Meaningful
  • Sleep Patterns
  • City Lights
  • Sappy Memories
  • Almond Milk
  • Moving Forward
  • more later, i guess.
  • What can be said about what we love and how can we make others love it?
    • tastes like melted chocolate and honey
      • you loved chocolate the best
  • connectivity is a fact
  • collectivity is a disposition
  • we make a collective
  • her sadness is coveted by me, i want to make it tangible and hold it within the palms of my hand so she can see the soft delicate folds and intricate ways it infinitely curves against my fingers, it's beautiful and exquisite and something neither of us should be afraid of.
  • the density of affection i carry feels like a population living inside my body, all my feelings lay domesticated by your love.
  • i feel everything all the time
  • i’ll send you more love, i’ll send more affection to you. i’ll send more to you. where is your face, there it is, i’ll send more kisses.
  • everything hurts, i am torn, what i thought i knew is skewed by dreams.
  • if i reached further, stretched my hands until my fingers were blurred shadows on the horizon, i could almost feel the soft fluffy clouds hovering above your head, i tried reaching her from far away.
  • i'm sorry about the cuts and bruises that befell your legs that day, i wish they were mine.
    • i will never understand her, she will never understand how i felt, i still think of her from time to time, i think of her name, i keep it in a nest safely tucked away in my heart. but she will never be more than that, a memory and a name and a soft face.
  • i can’t help but feel the remnants of where you mix your feelings with someone else, like staring at a painting where the paint itself is more interesting than the painting.

my interests lie in the evolution of the process of learning how these feelings crash into existence, and one day you find yourself in a place where you are enthralled and captivated by someone else’s presence, but it is never as interesting as the process it took you to get there. the conscious decision to speak to someone, the adrenaline, the dopamine, the serotonin, the not knowing and then the sense of a completion and finality, then it’s done.

  • between you and i, i know she could tear me apart.

//

i used to be sincerely worried about the state of the earth and the gravity of the world.

but now i’m letting you know that i’m terribly immersed and consumed by something entirely different.

my lips at your neck, your eyes are heaven, your name on the back of my hand.

i’m saying your name at the cafe, i’m saying your name in the park, i’m saying your name on bicycle rides to the convenient store. it’s like a little song that i sing to myself to keep me from sinking into the sadness, when everything else feels so far far away.

she is the sea of stars

and she is the tide that keeps pulling me forward

and i know there is no going back

my heart is about to explode through every pore of my body

if i can just get out of this dream-crushing city by the time i’m 22, i am sure all my impotent rage and teen angst over the last decade will surely evaporate

i am fascinated by everyone’s annular casualness in and within their own lives and this world, their wants, their needs, are not driven by the necessity of desire or the willful ambition to become transcendent in this life, but to form a complacency, to mold themselves through a perception taught to them by an exposure of ‘the american dream’. we are all precariously perched above an entire world of abstraction, of articulated colors and individualism, rough tides and smooth currents, where we are free to live and speak the language of the birds. nothing is ever one thing, i am inextricably intertwined to that world, let me take you there, it really is amazing, you just have to open your eyes first.

radiating love

short term memory - writing my thoughts down now before i forget

“i love her so much i name my nosebleeds after her.”

story for this post: i got a nosebleed in public. i apologized to the people around me and said i would try to stop because i didn’t want to offend, or disgust everyone. i completely agree with their discomfort. it does make people uncomfortable and i am compassionate to that idea. i feel an enormous swell of passion for you. it’s almost as if my heart pumps too fast, too irregularly which is why body tends to react to this stimuli that she produces. i would never force my love onto someone. i don’t want to possess or own any one, all i’ve ever wanted is to look, which is all i have ever been interested in doing. i don’t want to frame them, polish them neatly and organize my collection of everyone i’ve ever loved on the shelf above my fireplace. i just want to look and look and look and look til i can’t look anymore which won’t ever happen. when i look at you your permanence is forever embedded in my mind and heart, as immutable yet persistently indicative to what you represent to me, which is this continuous catalyst of everything i ever dreamed my life would become.

a vast and fertile future: my future goals in life right now involve running away, buying a tiny sailboat and letting the little blue waves carry us away to the far east, along osaka, kyoto, eventually tokyo, loving you in your entirity, memorizing all the words from the science of sleep, crooning songs from 60’s films, forming attachments to the cherry blossoms, late night bicycle rides in the city, adventuring a lot, smiling more, immersing ourselves in pastel candy, rocking over-sized wool socks, not eating ramen ever again, eating sushi every day of the week and neither of us feeling a single ounce of guilt, discovering beautiful, stunning and shocking things, diving headfirst into the north pacific and submersing ourselves in the dark water to share a brief kiss and then going back to shore to drink long cool gulps of the coldest, strongest iced tea they have. sharing something with her that people never get a chance to experience much of (an amazing taste of something enlightening, inspiring and poignant)

i felt all throughout my life, the selfishness i carried in my heart would lead everyone i love to their deaths and everyone else to heart break. she penetrated the translucent barriers that exist between my heart and my eyes with the sharpest (s)word she had. love. it all became crystalline. i don’t dislike the world anymore, i deal with the size of the world now, i deal with confronting my own prejudices, i deal with collective guilt, i deal with gravity, i deal with the ultimate struggle of human rights. i may still find myself wandering aimlessly but it’s about overcoming all the shit. finding out all the things you like about yourself and the person you are with and utilizing it. rounding out your edges and pursuing dreams, romance, sincerity. doing things for the right reasons. it’s about jotting down thoughts, writing stories, filling the pages of my moleskines with drawings, sketching the girl i love’s nose while slowly realizing how my mind works. i am learning to cope with my attention deficit or pure disinterest in anything, and now my focus lies in only the things i want to do or think about. our movements and decisions are conscious and full of awareness. only you can create a level of excitement and adventure that grows with every experience. realizations, epiphanies, intellectual sensitivity. the balance is about understanding yourself and the space around you. the things and loved ones that inhabit and exist in that space and confiding in your own articulations, beliefs, pursuits.

i think about my life overflowing with emotional repression isolation, detachment and abandonment dealing with family problems and dilemmas of the past

i feel sort of scared because i realize we will have something

i have written out a rough draft for our new life and i am finding the means to fufill it but right now we don’t actually even know each other

in the ways i would like

this is where it will accumulate from here on out

i have been doing more dreaming than doing it is pleasant to let yourself fall sometimes when you look at your life you get that feeling that you are stumbling into something momentous come december i’ll find myself on that train platform i have never been on those elevated northern lights will pull me deeper to you than i will ever think possible one final cigarette for the nerves heavy smoke in the cold winter air a still vision of you pressed against my forehead then the smoke dissipates

“even though it makes sense in pictures i do not understand it”

holding hands with my guy friends girls who look like cats finding patterns quirky little hand movements vintage bicycle helmets hairy side of the arm vs. smooth baby side white people acting really white on a pretty beach

i have never been interested in sharing my heart. but i am interested in devoting mine to yours.

the smell of jean paul gaultier classique masking her natural smell of sweet vanilla and rose water. i bet her mouth tastes like red wine.

2 coffees and a 2 hour drive through the city later, i can’t quit

so many things. like spending time walking beneath the skyscrapers in the east until you step across the street through a deep, golden sheet of light, the warmth hits you while you gently see everything you thought was a problem come into perspective,

sometimes we think things will stay where they’ve been but world won’t stop for anyone.

i wonder how fast my heart could stop beating if i had thought about it.

no..

i couldn’t, i can’t

(move closer)

(now we are one)

(tomorrow i’ll take you for a boat ride)

going to document my feelings in a text post i think this is like a ‘moment’ or something i wish i could save this moment as a .jpg ‘memory is not enough’ i wish somebody paid me for living i wish somebody loved me for a living

“you’re the piece of gold that flashes on my soul”

a while ago i would wake up in the middle of the night

and feel the night move like mad

for the longest time i thought you were upstairs waiting to come down

but suddenly a month later i realize that it is not going to happen

sometimes i think about you so hard i forget what day it is

i want to successfully articulate to you how important some of you have been to me. i might have just become uncomfortable with the energy i’ve invested into this site. anyways i hope you have found your way to this post, some of my words, and let them travel safely to your thoughts. i have lost contact with a lot of you, some who may never read this, and i do miss the people i’ve never met. little bird. i have created a pseudo-love-familyhood with you, i have created a space for you in my mind, hug you all, love you all, i’m sure i’m not making any sense, it’s 5:30 i probably just need to sleep. sincerely, asher.

I admire people who carry a little finesse in themselves. This city drives me crazy. It’s the relationship where you know the other person makes your crazy and hysterical but ironically enough it fits your psychology perfectly and it works.

I’m going to be tired of this pace I’m moving at, I don’t know. I’m still stagnant. It’s not even the pace maybe, I’ve been in the mouth of the monster for too long to see straight now. But I know that the water, trees, air, moss, thunderstorms, and stars still treat me like their young child. I can feel it.

i felt it again, when i woke up it hit me like a ton of bricks. i was surrounded by people who were not nearly as shell shocked as i, which was absolutely fine, but it made me wonder if our perspectives were just opposite. it’s like a rorschach test when you see your life in so many different ways. there was this disillusionment of the space created around me, like a haziness of white monochromatic snow falling. the cold sat on my back and everything seemed so much about the nature and depth of the physically unihabitable place which i live. repitition, indifference, savage, descension, information, imperfection, inadequacies, false security, pale skin and shivering flesh.

the moon let me know how special i was.

i had this dream, it involves light pouring through the cracks, the light poured and poured in like syrupy milk. it was laid soft, repitious in gesture throughout the pores of my flesh. i felt the coolness on the surface of my skin. the light filled all the negative space with positive light. you have to understand, the light pouring through landed on each surface just as interesting as the mark that was being made and just as interesting as the moon from which it came. each pattern of light was wholly different from the one next to it, forming stars and crosses across my back, like tiny fingerprints. the moon dictated my life, the moon was her, we each played our role in one perfect freeing motion.

twirling my pocket knife around my fingers until my knuckles bleed, blowing sounds into empty beer bottles, googling tips on how to sleep

and i tell her

there is a hole in my soul

(but she looks down at my shoes instead of my eyes)

while driving down highway i-85 i thought about heading into oncoming traffic. why? because it’s reckless, out of the ordinary. nobody would see it coming. every one is in a straight path, we think we’re free, just because we are more evolved. in reality it’s an opposite, society has created a constriction, a restriction. they have created guidelines on how to live our lives. get a job. no, get a career. you’ll need one to raise a family. that’s the spirit, buy a house. buy a sedan. the twins are on the way. i am drowning. break free. floating. everything floats. we are floating in space. we are floating underwater. we are standing on a floating rock that floats in space around the floating sun, which could be floating towards something even greater. we spend our entire lives struggling with gravity, preventing us from floating away into the cosmos. i feel like i’m losing you every day, float away, float away. (where is gravity when you really need it)

it’s really amazing here, the colors are really different than in the city, like saturated and deep. jesus. wake up early one morning and the whole world collides in your eyes.

i’m the loneliest boy in the world

i’m the saddest boy in the world

my eyes look to you like the north star

two soft peaches

i’m a crack of sunlight pouring warmth from above

save me: yes, no, cancel

i successfully ate an entire canteloupe in one sitting

i hope you’re proud of me

i don’t want to stay here anymore

  • Let's fuck around and listen to the velvet underground
  • To feel love, to actually feel it, to taste it for a second and let it linger on your tongue like some saccharine exotic fruit from a tropical paradise, an oasis, with beautiful trees and a girl who will talk to you like you are really there. If I could have anything I wanted, it would be something I couldn’t say out loud, it would be something that would live in me without words.
  • your wisdom seeps over the peaks of those mountaintops but my ideas find their way upwards like those lazy, dream clouds steaming away from your mind, like the glow that warms your house at night, like pulling my feet back under it all; in the places where you find the snow, where you see the haze, where you feel the weight of many. an uncontrollable force bringing everything together. i'll welcome you to my side, covers to collarbones, beds as restless as the bodies in them. every night we'll stare straight up and i'll share my deepest secret to the ceiling, please grab it for your own ears. the sounds of my words will feel like a warm bath but tastes like autumn air, it will land on your skin like a dense fog and sound like the sight of your mother's arms. i see a lot in your eyes but i feel more withering goodness in the brick walls of your heart.
  • the sweet fixations on things that can't ruin me, the infatuation with this cauldron of broken limbs and crushed organs that make up a shell of something that once blazed and writhed under neath you all like buried treasure. I only wanted something simple, something genuine, I lit my cigarette on the balcony and everyone told me to "hurry up". there's no-where left to go, in my clutched stomach nothing makes sense but there's no mystery in my fingers when i think about what it feels like to touch someone i love. your eyes like two crosses seared across chest, to lock away my heart, to mark the spot until it can be found again. it always ends the same, leading to something bigger than myself.
  • I used to think it was sad that I would never be best buddies with James Dean and careen off a cliff with him in his convertible while sharing a pack of lucky strike cigarettes, what’s sadder is how impossible it is to go back in time and change the little things that I could have done better, or to live the moments which were so fucking good over and over again. How impossible it is for a boy to be a girl or to taste fruits that don’t exist, or to see colors that don’t exist but that I wish had existed. You wake up one morning with your heart sealed in your chest and how you wish someone was there to break that fucking thing apart so you can scatter all these emotions around, so you and everyone around you will know what exactly they’re missing out on, this entire spectrum of feelings. Maybe we should all try harder to make sense of it because everything seems to make more sense when you are trying to figure it out, maybe it will all be completely worth it.
  • it’s easier to open up to strangers. the person I love most in the world is a stranger. our daughter hasn’t been born, and our one bedroom loft in the city hasn’t been rented out. she’s an empty space with no stars and no moon, in the center of the night my eyes will never adjust to her face. you could arrive here at any second of any day and I’d fling myself emphatically into your arms and say, don’t leave, don’t you fucking dare! and you wouldn’t ever leave me, because you aren’t here in the first place. this is how love poems should be. but boy I can't remember how it feels to be in love. it should caress you all and feel like a kiss, the kiss after you kissed me first because everyone knows i hate rejection.
  • "home as a romanticized concept where everyone loves you always and forever"
  • INSIDE.
  • I WANT TO KILL EVERYONE WHO UPSETS YOU.
  • BURN THE CITIES YOU DON'T LIKE.
  • GET YOU WHATEVER YOU WANT.
  • I wrote you a poem this morning, I scribbled it hastily onto a scratch piece of notebook paper and folded it neatly into a sailboat and set it down the river leading towards the Atlantic. I love you as I have loved many, you're brilliant, you're a seeping image in my dreams that I don't wish to fade away. I want to keep it that way. That idea of you, and in that sense we will always be together. I can't promise you the sea, but you're swimming, I promise you, you're there in my thoughts but you will never be more than that. We both know that. These are things that should be said. Every night the ocean at night is just a reflection of the moon and nothing can change that.
  • Tonight, standing over her. Thrusting like I had something that belonged to her. Unfiltered and raw, something I wouldn’t call love. Love is meant to be singularity. I’ve been alone all my life, my very essence is lonely. I feel like I have to paint everything around me just to exemplify that essence. My naivety will be my undoing. I can’t go on feeling this way for very long.
  • Sticky and sweet, golden honey-like in nature, that’s when I think of what love means to me. You inhale it and pull it into your mouth, let it set and linger on your tongue like some saccharine chrysalis. You roll it across your mouth, playing with it and you think it’s going to last forever but it doesn’t. You’re just left standing there in the end sucking at your gums, wondering where all that time went. There are times where I’ve caught myself digging into my skin with the blunt end of a pocket knife trying to figure out exactly what it is that I want.

6:43 am, not sleeping. please remember sleep helpers, a flask of whiskey, also movies movies movies. get rid of singularity. stealing kisses and sharing our kisses the place where home is is the broken fleshed lips and a piece of skin is trapped in my mouth

  • i saw you today, high colorized in a photo app editor, it made my eyes feel like glossy pearls.

i wanted to remember your face, because I was sitting down in a dark, division of state government basement, I could hardly tell where it was. I did watch her midsection where her high, tight fitting black jeans met her plaited maroon button up shirt. They conjoined seamlessly by a figure that barely disappears from view. Before I can comprehend your disappearance, you disappeared in my peripheral.

        • I would say wake up from this dream but you show me how seamlessly they weave together: life and dreams. here lies the issue; that you believe I land on the side of fantasy rather than reality.

i'm moving away in a month, i caught myself walking around east new york in the winter, so cold and pale, frozen remembrances, pathetic monuments, funny ghosts, piquant triggers of you, where i have spent frequent but always impermanent stints of time, over two decades, it begins with a rainy downtown, coffee cup, in the midst of your four fingers, it could end abruptly there, touching a piece cafe au lait, you think you'll finish me off with such words, but that's where you're mistaken, you're really pretty. the full moon. new york city. really pretty. y o u r e r e a l l y p r e t t y.

I could not tell you

I'm still here I'm still in a committed relationship with my sadness I hold a tentative relationship with my depravity I'm starting to progress again I find myself remembering the things I miss dearly When you find you have nothing else to live for you take those feelings you had for granted.

dec 12 2010 ∞
feb 26 2016 +
user picture Eve: asher aug 20 2011
user picture Asher: eve
user picture sleepybones: sweet baby, I love you. sep 24 2011
user picture Asher: Oh you heartbreaker
user picture dj miu: goodness nov 4 2011
user picture jenna: honey bunny nov 12 2011
user picture dearest: I read every word. Some of the lines are so beautiful they deserve to be memorised. nov 20 2011