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What a beautiful face I have found in this place that is circling all round the sun. What a beautiful dream that could flash on the screen in a blink of an eye and be gone from me. Let me hold it close and keep it here with me. And one day we will die and our ashes will fly from the aeroplane over the sea. But for now we are young, let us lay in the sun and LIST every beautiful thing we can see.

bookmarks:
listography messages
IMPORTANT (ALL PASSWORDS RESET)
Ryan activities (Hikes + Trips + Outdoor Activism)
travel (National Parks)
LaTanya books (Books I've Read in 2020)
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  • If a man was not the best husband for you, it does not mean he is not a good father. (Also, doesn't mean he's not a good husband to someone else).
  • If a man is not a great husband, he often loses his parental rights.
  • You start fighting for your rights and the kid is in the middle. The kid loses.
  • You’ll never win if you fight a kid's mother.
  • Surrender.
  • When they're 13 they’ll come look for you.
  • There are cultural roadblocks to fathering.
  • There have been historical and systemic hurdles to African American fatherhood.
  • There is a necessity that mothers make room for fathers.
  • Mothers have the kids. They’re yours. They came from your body.
  • But, I can’t father if you don’t make room for me and you don’t support me.
  • And you have to make room for me in my imperfections.
  • You can’t say you’re going to make room for me if I get perfect cause I’m not perfect and I’m never gonna get perfect. And never will be. (Neither will you)
  • Motherhood is the doorway to successful fatherhood.
  • The mothers have to value fatherhood.
  • — Will Smith on fatherhood

My partner has a daughter from a surprise pregnancy who lives many miles away. He was given a situation he would not have chosen but does what he can under unfortunate circumstances. The judge was always favorable to creating better conditions to father but he chose to surrender because he was exhausted and knew and was told the court order would be ignored. Distance and the time and financial costs of travel make it complicated for both parties.

I have told friends not to say they "won" their custody battle because winning is losing for the child. We need to find different words and expand our definitions that are INCLUSIVE of the experience of the child and not just the parents. Watching James father Hollis made me realize how important the fathering role is. She is in love with him. A father is part of a child's identity and bond, and it's sad when it is broken. All will work itself out, like many of the things that happen to us in life, but I find Smith's thoughts valuable in a world where MOST relationships don't work out. We need to remove children from the bitterness and vitriol of failed relationships and altruistically provide them with both parenting experiences.

jul 11 2020 ∞
aug 7 2020 +