• In which even my sleep eating is now accompanied by obsessive, controlling thinking. In a half conscious state with a chin-trail of strawberry juice staining my skin I become aware that I am sitting up in bed staring at the five am dark in front of me and that my mind has been chasing, grinding "working out" imagined "problems" that aren't based in any reality I know, but a fever less fever dream's baseless logic. I am suddenly awake enough to be scared, but not to understand of what which feels worse. I had eaten a strawberry without any real hunger or reason or knowledge. With the same purposelessness began to command the sleep-shadows of coherent thoughts into worry, pain and regulation. I can't accept and be comfortable with how things are when they aren't even actual things!

In my nap earlier today I became convinced that someone had entered my unlocked apartment. Hard as I try I was not able to fully wake up and prove it to myself. I was asleep on top of the comforter, face down with my shoes on, frantically trying to bring all of me to consciousness to protect myself from the intruder.


jun 21 2013 ∞
jun 21 2013 +