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Remember that all suffering is made up by your & others' heads ("pain is inevitable, suffering is optional"). Remember that state of serenity on Oct 22-23, 2019 as a truly healthy state. And gently steer yourself into doing 3/3/3+1 with curiosity, self-compassion, mindfulness, the learning-goals approach instead of the performance-goals approach where possible (Er. S.' stuff helps!)

bookmarks:
listography TERMS
GIVE A GIFT OF MEMORIES
FAVORITE LISTOGRAPHY MENTIONS
IMPORTANT NOTICES
MESSAGES
  • Jul 2: "When we think probabilistically, we are less likely to use adverse results alone as proof that we made a decision error, because we recognize the possibility that the decision might have been good but luck and/or incomplete information (and a sample size of one) intervened."
  • Jul 6: "I find it helpful to visualise responsibility as bags of shopping. If you go through life carrying everyone else’s bags, eventually you become so weighed down you can’t move. You then have a choice: either collapse under the weight or stop, divide the bags and give them back to their owners. This isn’t unkind, it’s the start for a potentially equal, healthy relationship." x
  • Jul 7: "These people didn’t repudiate, regret or feel guilty about their good memories. But because they also dug for the exceptions and sacrifices that lurked behind their one-dimensional view of the past, they were able to adapt to change. Both as individuals and as a society, we must learn to view the past in three dimensions before we can move into the fourth dimension of the future." (Beware Social Nostalgia)
  • Jul 8: "Most of it is simply a means to an end, a play for power, on a vast scale of potential returns. Many of the women find pleasure on their own terms, when they choose to. It is a show created by women, and it shows. The female gaze is the only gaze."
  • Jul 9: "Drama is not just about learning performative skills, it is about interrogating ideas and feelings. […] Performance and storytelling are ancient arts, they provide the oldest kind of education known to humankind." / there is something wrong logically with the last sentence though
  • Jul 11: "when we declare something as 100% fact, others might be reluctant to offer up new and relevant information that would inform our beliefs for two reasons. First, they might be afraid they are wrong and so won’t speak up, worried they will be judged for that, by us or themselves. Second, even if they are very confident their information is high quality, they might be afraid of making us feel bad or judged. By saying, “I’m 80%” and thereby communicating we aren’t sure, we open the door for others to tell us what they know. They realize they can contribute without having to confront us by saying or implying, “You’re wrong.” Admitting we are not sure is an invitation for help in refining our beliefs, and that will make our beliefs much more accurate over time as we are more likely to gather relevant information."
  • Jul 17: "The questions here are the ones that I’ve found to have the most impact, and I do believe that if you can make just these Seven Essential Questions part of your management repertoire and everyday conversations, you’ll work less hard and have more impact, and your people, your boss, your career and your life outside work will thank you for it. / But the real secret sauce here is building a habit of curiosity. The change of behaviour that’s going to serve you most powerfully is simply this: a little less advice, a little more curiosity. Find your own questions, find your own voice. And above all, build your own coaching habit."
  • Jul 18: "There are plenty of obstacles that come with living with ADHD, but I've also found focusing on the benefits has been a major help. We see the world differently and can be very creative. My doctor often says that we are the best at finding new ways of succeeding. You may not take the same path as others but if you really want it, you'll find the most unique way of getting it. Use that and stick to your goals!"
  • Jul 19: "Experience can be an effective teacher. But, clearly, only some students listen to their teachers. The people who learn from experience improve, advance, and (with a little bit of luck) become experts and leaders in their fields. […] We can’t just “absorb” experiences and expect to learn. As novelist and philosopher Aldous Huxley recognized, “Experience is not what happens to a man; it is what a man does with what happens to him.” There is a big difference between getting experience and becoming an expert. That difference lies in the ability to identify when the outcomes of our decisions have something to teach us and what that lesson might be."
  • "The benefits of recognizing just a few extra learning opportunities compound over time. The cumulative effect of being a little better at decision-making, like compounding interest, can have huge effects in the long run on everything that we do. When we catch that extra occasional learning opportunity, it puts us in a better position for future opportunities of the same type. Any improvement in our decision quality puts us in a better position in the future."
  • Jul 20: Obstacle "9. Attempts at structuring keep falling apart. Once the individual understands the importance of structure and goes to the trouble of setting up a solid system of organization for himself, he often finds that the system keeps collapsing, or that his attempts to abide by the system repeatedly fail. This is where a coach can be invaluable. Rather than letting the system collapse, the coach can help the individual revise the system, or can offer encouragement to stay with the system. It is not surprising, after all, for it to take a while for the new system to start to work; it is replacing a lifetime of no system. However, the person with ADD can get discouraged very quickly, not wanting to experience another failure, and so back away. At these moments the coach can intervene, offering reassurance, support, and hope." / SB' design & weekly email reminders from BHQ & lists here in listography perform this function
  • Jul 26: "Most problems are potential improvements screaming at you. Whenever a problem surfaces, you have in front of you an opportunity to improve. The more painful the problem, the louder it is screaming. In order to be successful, you have to 1) perceive problems and 2) not tolerate them. / If you don’t identify your problems, you won’t solve them, so you won’t move forward toward achieving your goals. As a result, it is essential to bring problems to the surface."
  • "I stopped thinking about whether I can do it or not. I just decided to keep going."
  • Aug 5: "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." - Hanlon's Razor
  • Aug 7: "But, as there seems to be some appetite for a more complicated answer, here’s a little further information."
  • Aug 13: "The best way to predict the future is to create it."
  • Aug 21: "It’s a strange world that Harding has created, but it’s also an inviting one."
  • end of August: "Look, the reason anybody’s addicted to drugs or, you know, their cell phones in the first place is because they’re constantly trying to process trauma, and find a moment’s relief.” Lyonne squeezes half a lemon into a glass of ice as if she’s wringing its neck. “They’re not doing it because they’re stupid, or bad people. To then punish them for having an internal experience that is inherently punishing, is so malicious. So without grace. So brutal.”"
  • Sep 12: “Women with AD/HD often move away from relationships in the initial stages of forming friendships because of their difficulty in making small talk or difficulty with finding the words that they want to say when they want to say them. Sometimes it is as difficult to find the words in your messy mind as it is to find a paper on your messy desk. Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo (1995, pg. 66) call this a “reaction time irregularity” They go on to point out that a person with this difficulty might look rude or disinterested when they actually may be having “trouble retrieving things from memory in a demand situation.”
  • Sep 15: "We are particularly susceptible to bias when we are hurting or desperate."
  • Sep 25: "The apps were then analyzed to see how much their content included components of health behavior theory such as goal setting, self-monitoring, self-rewarding, self-efficacy, and overcoming barriers."
  • Oct 1: "For centuries, scientists have argued that there are inherent differences between male and female brains, which accounts for their different roles in society. That’s not true, argues Gina Rippon in Gender and Our Brains. She makes the case that much of that research suffers from bias; researchers confirmed what they already “knew” to be true. Instead, she believes, our brains are gendered because our experiences are. We are treated differently based on our perceived gender, and our brains develop in response."
  • Oct 7: "Finally, you asked what you could do, how to behave. Please, take care of yourself. Seek out beautiful things, inspirations, connections and validating friends. Perhaps you could keep a journal and write stuff down. The written word can put to rest many imagined demons. Identify things that concern you in the world and make incremental efforts to remedy them. At all costs, try to cultivate a sense of humour. See things through that courageous heart of yours. Be merciful to yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be kind." (The Red Hand Files Issue #65, Nick Cave)
  • Oct 9: "It’s a curious truth that when you gently pay attention to negative emotions, they tend to dissipate — but positive ones expand."
  • Oct 10: "In looking for poems and poets, don't dwell on the boundaries of style, time, or even of countries and cultures. think of yourself rather as one member of a single, recognizable tribe. Expect to understand poems of other eras and other cultures. Expect to feel intimate with the distant voice. The differences you will find between then and now are interesting. They are not profound."
  • Oct 19: "Sally Wainwright’s tough and witty writing, Suranne Jones’s stride and wink – and Anne Lister finally finds her public, two centuries on."
  • "I was always interested in pleasing adults and scoring 10/10 in tests, and I have been diligently reading and writing since I was eight."
  • Oct 27: "In ACT, our main interest in a thought is not whether it’s true or false, but whether it’s helpful; that is, does it help us create the life we want?"
  • Oct 30: "Suppose I am making some serious mistakes in my work and my mind tells me, ‘You are incompetent!’ This is not a helpful thought. It doesn’t tell me what I can do to improve the situation; it just belittles me. It doesn’t inspire me to improve; it’s merely demoralising. If I really am making mistakes, then putting myself down is quite pointless. Instead, what I need to do is to take action: brush up on my skills or ask for help." / Yep, but he missed one more option: improve my sleep & nutrition if they aren't on point
  • Nov 2: "The ambient noise and activity keeps the squirrel part of my brain happy - leaving the learning part free to actually study. Note - not scientific in the slightest - that's just how it feels."
  • Nov 7: "I heard these stories so often I could often guess what the problem was the moment someone walked in. Heartbroken young men, for example, talk about it to psychics, because it’s less risky than telling their friends. Sometimes I’d mischievously say, “Let her go. She’s not worth it,” as soon as one arrived. Once I heard, “Oh my God, oh my GOD!” as an amazed guy fell backwards down the stairs."
  • "I also learned that intelligence and education do not protect against superstition. Many customers were stockbrokers, advertising executives or politicians, dealing with issues whose outcomes couldn’t be controlled. It’s uncertainty that drives people into woo, not stupidity, so I’m not surprised millennials are into astrology. They grew up with Harry Potter and graduated into a precarious economy, making them the ideal customers."
  • Nov 30: "Have you ever thought, Work would be easy if it weren’t for all these annoying people? Surely it’s not just me. Certainly, situations are always made more complex when you—in all your imperfect, not-always-rational, messy, biased, hasn’t-fully-obtained-enlightenment glory —have to work with others who, surprisingly, are also imperfect, not always rational, messy, biased, and a few steps short of full wisdom and compassion."
  • "People who are neurotic respond worse to stressors and are more likely to interpret ordinary situations as threatening and minor frustrations as hopelessly difficult. They are often self-conscious and shy, and they may have trouble controlling urges and delaying gratification. […] Generally, geographical studies find correlations between low neuroticism and entrepreneurship and economic vitality and correlations between high neuroticism and poor health outcomes."
  • Dec 11: "The Observing Self: Recognising that you are not your thoughts, feelings, memories, urges, sensations, images, roles or physical body. These are constantly changing, peripheral aspects of you, but they are not the essence of who you are. Take time to regularly connect with the one part of you which is unchanging, ever-present and impervious to harm: the observing self."
  • Dec 14: "People don’t really learn when you tell them something. They don’t even really learn when they do something. They start learning, start creating new neural pathways, only when they have a chance to recall and reflect on what just happened."
jul 2 2019 ∞
mar 8 2020 +