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Train yourself to be your own best friend.

andwuwei follows:

a reminder: consider reading only a few pages a day on Mon-Fri, otherwise you get too scatterbrained, can't focus on the work properly

  • The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever by Michael Bungay Stanier (Jul1-…)
    • You Need a Coaching Habit
    • Question Masterclass Part1. Ask One Question at a Time
    • Question Masterclass Part 2. Cut the Intro and Ask the Question
may 8 2019 ∞
jul 17 2019 +

a reminder: since they feel like a deep conversation with a friend, try to listen to them in the first half of Sat-Sun, when the post-effect (mind-wandering & elation & insights) won't distract you from moneymaking

  • How to Fail S5E2: Phoebe Waller-Bridge (2019), July 7 (gets stronger close to the end)
jul 7 2019 ∞
jul 8 2019 +

2019 :

  • Sigrid at Paste Studio NYC live from The Manhattan Center / the performance
  • Sigrid - Anything Could Happen (Ellie Goulding cover in the Live Lounge) / the performance
  • Aldous Harding - Imagining My Man (calming down & healing)
  • Aldous Harding - Horizon - Later… with Jools Holland - BBC Two (the performance as a whole)
  • (the whole audiovisual thing) Aldous Harding - The Barrel (Official Video)
  • entertaining:
    • ("One key to Straus’s appeal is that no matter how explicitly her songs celebrate (or mock) the queer experience […]" + another magazine described her in person as a mix of sassy banter and self-deprecation)
      • (some visuals in the video are just geniu...
dec 6 2013 ∞
jul 14 2019 +

a reminder: consume this stuff very sparingly - replace with active training & active entertainment as much as possible. Why:

  • watching movies/series/interviews regularly creates an illusion of living a life / dynamic life / making progress / expressing yourself (via individual consumption choices)
  • it's a way to eat away existential pain / emptiness because of not doing anything properly nourishing with your time, not building any skills / not growing - and you don't need that, you need to leverage that pain & hunger to move forward!
  • it triggers your biological programming for coupling, for getting well-connected socially, and it's a big no-no for you now, so you will just experience the pain of longing, increased loneliness, etc., and this, in turn, will decrease your productivity and income, which is a big no-no t...
may 8 2019 ∞
jul 15 2019 +

2018:

  • Gentleman Jack S01E08: getting off/out of the carriage and coming in sequence (when came back home); a passing head-touch moment with the sister
  • Gentleman Jack S01E07: "All off…"; the thermometer part of the dialogue

2017:

  • (reliable mild fun) Wynonna Earp: "shut up your mouth" scene in 2x07, showing her health situation to Doc in 2x06
  • (sly stuff) Sophie Phillips as Minna Häkkinen in Veep (found on Youtube)
  • Dix pour cent S02: Colette Brancillon / Ophélia Kolb in her best moments (the ending of the running dialogue; the monologue that ended the storyline for the season): that combination of vulnerable strength +naivette+comedy

2016:

jan 25 2014 ∞
jun 15 2019 +

"favorite" = those people's goodness + fun (e.g., good chemistry of comedic sensibilities)

"interviews" = EXLUDING the host's monologue part or audience segments

2019

  • The Gifted Sophie Rundle Discusses New Drama 'Gentleman Jack' by BUILD LDN
  • Brit Marling of Netflix's 'The OA' had a Near Death Experience at Goldman Sachs by theoffcamerashow
  • Dax Shepard Wasn't Sure He Wanted to be with Kristen Bell by theoffcamerashow
  • Vicky McClure Can’t Stop Folding Her Arms | The Graham Norton Show
  • Directors Roundtable: Ryan Coogler, Alfonso Cuarón, Marielle Heller, Yorgos Lanthimos | Close Up

2015-2018

  • video interviews: didn't track
jan 6 2014 ∞
may 26 2019 +

"best" = made me think, feel or/and maybe even learn a lot

(sorted by when I watched them)

2016 :

  • Virgin Mountain / Fúsi (2015) for its therapeutic effect
  • Wetlands / Feuchtgebiete (2013) for its freshness, fun daring stuff
  • but this year it's mostly some TV series episodes/storylines that affected me strongly

2015 :

  • Stations Of The Cross
  • (rediscovery) Meet Joe Black
  • Youth (2015)

2014 : non of it cracked me open/affected me as strongly as the movies from 2013' list, except for 20 and d'ecart though

  • Ida (2013) and Sara Prefers to Run (2013)...
jan 6 2014 ∞
may 9 2017 +

will work only once a year; imperfect films with some fun/great/therapeutic/human-warmth scenes OR perfect films

not sure they are remedies though. they might express what I feel or give me what I need in terms of human warmth, but this, in turn, might actually increase the hunger/need -> make me less functional.

most of them aren't realistic enough to learn life lessons from them

in random order

  • Meet Joe Black (1998)
  • Hallam Foe (2007) / Mister Foe
  • Big (1988)
  • Forrest Gump (1994)
  • Stealing Beauty (1996, Bertolucci)
  • Notting Hill (1999)
  • Two Weeks Notice (2002) - Sandra Bullock & Hugh Grant
  • Mad Dog and Glory (1993) - Robert de Niro & Uma Thurman
jan 11 2014 ∞
jul 1 2016 +
  • aunt in Ida (2013), seen in Dec 2014
  • bartender in Ali: Fear Eats the Soul, seen in 2012 or earlier
  • yoga teacher in The Skin I Live In, seen in summer 2013
  • that women mentor/psychologist/community advisor or whoever she is in Little Jerusalem (seen somewhere around 2008)
  • Piglet in the USSR version of the animation movie
dec 31 2014 ∞
dec 31 2014 +
  • Bill Murray in Mad Dog and Glory. And in the dinner scene in Rushmore
  • Hugh Grant in Two Weeks Notice, Four Weddings and a Funeral, Notting Hill. I like this shade of "life is meaningless" about him (his characters?) in combination with a relevant comedic sensibility & pretty youthful energy - still an inaccurate characterization though, review it
  • Daniel Auteuil in comedic roles (e.g. in Chameleon)
  • Fabrice Luchini 's eyes in comedic scenes
  • Gerard Depardieu 's efforlessness in comedic roles
  • Harrison Ford in Witness (1985)
jan 27 2014 ∞
jun 13 2016 +
  • TV: Melanie Scrofano in comedic bits of Wynonna Earp
  • Olivia Colman when funny or dramatic - her animated childish (& mature at the same time) face, the way she is (very organiclaly - as if its a vital part of her) always apt for comedy, the way she says comedic lines
  • Valeria Bruni Tedeschi as a comedian
  • Micheline Lanctôt in Sarah Prefers to Run (2013) - I guess she was just being herself, but still she seemed like a beautiful human
  • Cecile de France in Chinese Puzzle, the demonstration scene in L'Auberge Espagnole, The Kid with a Bike
  • Emmanuelle Devos in comedies (subtle physical comedy, gusto, unbeautiful appearance according to conventions) and being seductive in In the Beginning (2009)
  • in comedies / comedic scenes
    • Imogen Poots in She's Funny That Way (201...
jan 3 2014 ∞
jul 23 2017 +
  • (comedic) 20 ans d'ecart (2013)
sep 21 2014 ∞
sep 21 2014 +
  • "inspiring, electric, she's like a great wild horse" (about Vanessa Redgrave)
  • "brisk, earnest and articulate" (about Anna Paquin in person)
feb 25 2014 ∞
jun 23 2019 +
  • "Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant."
  • "Take mistakes seriously, but never personally." (from The Talent Code)
  • "You can’t do a project. You can only do the next step."
  • "change occurs gradually through tiny adjustments"
  • "Jung said the only way to achieve true selfhood is to create what no one but you could possibly create and all the other stories are just guides to get us there."
  • "There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy. By being happy, we sow anonymous benefits upon the world, which remain unknown even to ourselves, or when they are disclosed, surprise nobody as much as the benefactor. …A happy (person) is a better thing to find than a five-pound note. He or she is a radiating focus of goodwill; and their entrance into a room is as though another candle had been lighted. …they practically demonstrate the grea...
apr 11 2014 ∞
jul 4 2019 +
  • feeling well-rested in the morning, after getting enough of deep sleep, on a healthy schedule
  • a quiet morning (being alone & not talking for the first 3h after getting up)
  • hitting my moneymaking goal for the month
  • when I notice that the green tea I've drunk is indeed producing the desired effect
  • the pleasantly tired & buzzing mental muscles after a 20-30min session of BrainHQ
  • when after being dark and rainy, the morning weather gradually but quite quickly changes into friendly & sunny - feels like a start of a new, idyllic life
  • patches of ground with a variety of lush green wild plants of various heights & textures
  • the hush of a breeze ruffling the trees' leaves - during the hot, quiet part of a ...
jun 24 2019 ∞
jul 11 2019 +
  • getting sociable online = in 95% of the cases, it's a sign that I'm unwell (routinely not getting enough sleep, enough B vitamins; not managing the stress or agitation properly; eating something so sweet that it makes me very impulsive), and if it so, then socializing now would just add more stress and distractions and damage (unlike what I'm told by the way friendships are depicted on TV/film & all those research studies showing how health-promoting and stress-reducing it is to be sociable/socially connected; I assume this abnormality of my reactions could be because of hyperreactivity of ADHD brain / dopamine production issue OR/AND because I'm not good enough yet at finding people who are a good match for me).
    • QUICK FIX: to prevent yourself from contacting someone online:
jun 4 2019 ∞
jul 3 2019 +
  • Identify clear pause points (the points at which you / the team must stop to run through a set of checks before proceeding).
  • Consider preparing checklists for all stages of the process ("during the research phase, during decision making, during execution of the decision, and even in the period after making an investment when one should be monitoring for problems").
  • Consider choosing a DO-CONFIRM (instead of a READ-DO) format. It gives greater flexibility in performing the tasks while nonetheless having you stop at key points to confirm that critical steps have not been overlooked.
  • Keep the checklist short (generally, 5-9 items, although in some contexts it makes sense to make them longer) by focusing on "the killer items" — the steps that are most dangerous to skip and sometimes overlooked nonetheless (checklists are NOT comprehensive how-to guides; they are for supporting expert professionals; they shouldn't include the ...
jun 22 2019 ∞
jul 11 2019 +

FIRST OF ALL: BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND (and yes, this attitude is a muscle to build & maintain throughout your life)

  • a 3rd person perspective ( "What would you say to someone you really care about?" ) when you are emotional/sabotagey allows you to get a clear-headed point of view because it switches off your ego. "When difficult things happen… we can get overwhelmed. We need someone who can introduce thought and reason." - be that someone to yourself, via the aforementioned question.
  • Stay focused on what actually MOVES YOU FORWARD or/and gives you DEEP JOY (your custom SuperBetter power-ups and quests cover all this). "What do I need to do NOW?" can help.
  • Remember: for your brain, a daily 5min+ meditation AND getting 7-8h of sleep per night are pre-requisites for emotional resilience, for consistent and long-term life, income, and health improvements; for making and implementing good decisions in tough situations, consistently; is your protection, your vaccination against...
nov 19 2013 ∞
jul 15 2019 +

Happify's S.T.A.G.E. framework (5 key happiness skills, research):

  • Savor
  • Thank
  • Aspire
  • Give
  • Empathize

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From the handout from a Coursera course:

The PEA is:

  • Being in PNS arousal; feeling positive and hopeful; thinking about the future, dreams, and possibilities.
  • Being optimistic, focusing on one’s strengths.
  • Excited about trying something new, experimenting.
  • Being in resonant relationships.

The NEA is:

  • Being in SNS arousal; feeling negative an...
apr 14 2014 ∞
jun 21 2019 +

some kind of manifesto:

6t: R-only (how-to-cheap, film-cheap), E-only (comedy, foreign-country-perspective, multiple perspectives, textbook reviews)

--

"Nothing could ever happen out there in the world with one of my books that could be NEARLY as interesting and transformative as what happens internally while I’m creating it. Alone in a small room, operating at the very furthest edges of my talents, building an imagined world and peopling it with characters who must seem real, and—most challenging—constantly navigating the voices in my mind that want to limit and sabotage me...THAT’S the ...

jan 15 2014 ∞
jul 7 2019 +
  • may vs might:
    • contrary-to-fact hypothetical: "might have", not "may have"
    • "Genetic analysis […] hints that the prehistoric world may have been filled with "hybrid" humans"
  • verb: lie
    • "has turned and lain down" (here, we need the past participle of “lie,” not of “lay”)
    • "After a week of lying low"
  • singular / plural
  • "one of the areas that were hit hardest" / "one of the hardest-hit areas."
  • possessives, etc.:
    • "In precise usage, the gerund “blowing” should be used with a possessive; make it “without their blowing up.” (Another fix would be “without having them blow up.”)"
jul 7 2019 ∞
jul 12 2019 +
  • rosy retrospection
    • why it's bad: a) "Something may be fairly enjoyable, but a comparison to a positively distorted past event may diminish your perception of the current event. // b) Without storing negative experiences, you may fail to incorporate constructive feedback. Rosy mechanisms may help to explain why people often seem to repeat the mistakes of the past."
    • reasons behind RR, theories: a) "our tendency to not take note of moments occurring in the middle of a story, the less dramatic or exciting parts, and thus less memorable ones"; b) "people steer their recollections of events towards their pre-constructed narratives."
    • vs nostalgia: "nostalgia describes a general longing for the past, while rosy retrospection is a cognitive bias in which we...
jul 9 2019 ∞
jul 9 2019 +
  • Equivocation / A word is used in two different senses in an argument / Major premise: Nothing is better than eternal happiness. Minor premise: A sandwich is better than nothing. Conclusion: A sandwich is better than eternal happiness.
  • False Cause / Supposing two events are connected when they are not
  • Hasty Generalisation (Overgeneralization) / When a conclusion about a group is drawn from an unrepresentative sample, especially a sample that is too small or too narrow. It is the opposite of slothful induction.
  • False Dilemma / Something is falsely claimed to be an "either/or" situation, when in fact there is at least one additional option. The false dilemma fallacy can also arise simply by accidental omission of additional options rather than by deliberate deception.
jul 7 2019 ∞
jul 11 2019 +
  • Satisficing / a portmanteau of satisfy and suffice / searching through the available alternatives until an acceptability threshold is met
  • Eliminate the worst options first, to simplify the choice between multiple (similar) options
  • Decision Hierarchy: take as given, decide now, decide later
  • WRAP (widen your frame, reality-check your assumptions, attain distance, prepare to be wrong) / see this article for basic explanations & Heath brothers' Decisive Workbook and the book itself
jul 14 2019 ∞
jul 15 2019 +

2019:

  • there is lecithin in cabbage!
  • consume less carbs and more fibre, if you want to protect yourself against PCOS or slow down its progression (PubMed)
  • losses in general feel about two times as bad as wins feel good (source: Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky’s work on loss aversion)
  • that the more carbs you consume (or was it just refined carbs?), the higher is your body's need for vitamin C. that's why people on carnivore diet or zerocarb diet don't need veggies/fruits/supplements to get enough vitamin C. (learned this in winter, but forgot to log it then)
  • that if you want to build muscle, you should exercise before each meal
  • aluminium:
    • that factory-made baked goods can have lots of aluminium in them (the one that pro...
dec 31 2014 ∞
jul 17 2019 +
  • Jul 2: "When we think probabilistically, we are less likely to use adverse results alone as proof that we made a decision error, because we recognize the possibility that the decision might have been good but luck and/or incomplete information (and a sample size of one) intervened."
  • Jul 6: "I find it helpful to visualise responsibility as bags of shopping. If you go through life carrying everyone else’s bags, eventually you become so weighed down you can’t move. You then have a choice: either collapse under the weight or stop, divide the bags and give them back to their owners. This isn’t unkind, it’s the start for a potentially equal, healthy relationship." x
  • Jul 7: "These people didn’t repudiate, regret or feel guilty about their good memories. But because they also dug for the exceptions and sacrifices that lurked be..._(Beware Social Nostalgia)_
jul 2 2019 ∞
jul 17 2019 +

"Don't raise your voice, improve your argument. How can you change someone's mind? Unfortunately, facts aren't always enough. You need to understand and engage your audience's:

  • Prior beliefs
  • Moral values
  • Trusted sources"

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4 rules for dealing with negative feedback

  • Is it true? (yes or no. If no, move to number 3.)
  • Can you absolutely know it's true? (yes or no)
  • How do you react, what happens when you believe that thought?
  • Who would you be without that thought?

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On public storytelling / presentations:

jun 30 2019 ∞
jul 14 2019 +