30 Day Song Challenge

• day 01 – your favorite song: I chose "Stop Whispering" by Radiohead, although true deliberation on this has taken and will continue to take years.
• day 02 – your least favorite song: I chose "Rock Star" by Nickelback, although any Nickelback song would fit into this category.
• day 03 – a song that makes you happy: I chose "You're So Cool" by Hans Zimmer. If you've never seen "True Romance" I suggest that you do. If you have seen that movie, then you might have heard the song playing throughout the course of the movie.
• day 04 – a song that makes you sad: I chose "My Way" by Frank Sinatra. R.I.P. Nate Hoyt - You certainly did do it your way. (Nate is one of the most important people I have ever had in my life. He passed away nearly 3 years ago from complications of treatment of Adenoid Cystic Carcinoma in the trachea and lung.)
• day 05 – a song that reminds you of someone: I chose "Buddy Holly" by Weezer because it's one of those songs that my friend and I sing at the top of our lungs with the windows down while we're driving around in her car. :)
• day 06 – a song that reminds you of somewhere: I chose "My Isle of Golden Dreams" and "Hula Hands" by Marty Robbins. Those songs remind me of Maui, Hawaii. If I ever start freaking out about something, I put on this album and collapse on the bed, dreaming of sandy beaches under the warm sun with a tropical breeze floating over me as I sip on a margarita. *sigh* It never fails to calm me down.
• day 07 – a song that reminds you of a certain event: I chose "Such Great Heights" by Iron & Wine. When I married my late husband, we used this song for our first dance as husband and wife at our reception.
• day 08 – a song that you know all the words to: I chose "Bring Me To Life" by Evanescence because I am often highly encouraged to sing it at karaoke nights. I also like to jam out to this album in my car. LOL
• day 09 – a song that you can dance to: "Hella Good" by No Doubt. I'm not a big fan of No Doubt, but I love this whole album and I can't help but groove to this song when I hear it.
• day 10 – a song that makes you fall asleep
• day 11 – a song from your favorite band
• day 12 – a song from a band you hate
• day 13 – a song that is a guilty pleasure
• day 14 – a song that no one would expect you to love
• day 15 – a song that describes you
• day 16 – a song that you used to love but now hate
• day 17 – a song that you hear often on the radio
• day 18 – a song that you wish you heard on the radio
• day 19 – a song from your favorite album
• day 20 – a song that you listen to when you’re angry
• day 21 – a song that you listen to when you’re happy
• day 22 – a song that you listen to when you’re sad
• day 23 – a song that you want to play at your wedding
• day 24 – a song that you want to play at your funeral
• day 25 – a song that makes you laugh
• day 26 – a song that you can play on an instrument
• day 27 – a song that you wish you could play
• day 28 – a song that makes you feel guilty
• day 29 – a song from your childhood
• day 30 – your favorite song at this time last year

30 Days of Wonderful Me!

• Day 1: 5 interesting facts about yourself.
  • My favorite jokes are Freudian slips ... so if you see me chuckling quietly to myself for apparently no reason, you've probably made one.
  • I have a large scar on each arm.
  • My favorite lunch is tomato soup with a grilled cheese sandwich.
  • I dream vividly and in color.
  • When movie lines or song lyrics seem fitting to a situation or conversation, I can't help but quote them.
• Day 2: The meaning behind your name.

Amber: (from Dictionary.com) –noun

• a pale yellow, sometimes reddish or brownish, fossil resin of vegetable origin, translucent, brittle, and capable of gaining a negative electrical charge by friction and of being an excellent insulator: used for making jewelry and other ornamental articles.
• the yellowish-brown color of resin.

–adjective

• of the color of amber; yellowish-brown: amber fields of grain.
• made of amber: amber earrings.

Origin:

1350–1400; Middle English ambre < Old French < Medieval Latin ambra < Arabic ʿanbar ambergris; confusion of the dissimilar substances perhaps because both were rare, valuable, and found on seacoasts

—Related forms

am·ber·like, am·ber·y, am·ber·ous, adjective

(from Babynamesworld.com) Used in English-speaking countries

Amber is a fossilized tree resin commonly found on the shores of the Baltic and North Seas. Since ancient times, its primary use has been decorative. The Amber Road was the trade route from the Baltic to Italy through which amber was traded.

Though used occasionally in the Victorian era, the name Amber came into popular use in the 20th century with Kathleen Winsor's 1940s novel, "Forever Amber."

An 'Amber Alert' is issued by the police in the US and Canada when a child is confirmed to have been abducted. It was named after Amber Hagerman, who was abducted and killed in 1996, and is also an acronym for 'America's Missing: Broadcasting Emergency Response'.

Amber Tamblyn is an actress and Amber Valetta is a model.

In the USA, Amber was popular at the turn of the 20th century. It then fell out of popular use in the 1920s and 30s, but was revived following the publication of Winsor's novel in 1944. It reached it's highest popularity in 1986, and has been descending since then. In the UK, it featured in the Top 50 in 2007, and was #19 in Belgium in 2006.

Nicole (from Babynamesworld.com)

Origin: Greek

Meaning: Victory of the people

Pronunciation: (nih KOLE)

Feminine form of: Nicholas

My own interpretation of this is that my name means, in short, Golden Victory. How fitting. :)

• Day 3: About your friends.

Where to start? I definitely consider myself lucky to have a large, eclectic group of friends. They don't all know each other and many of them possess very different qualities from others. However, my closest friends do know each other, and while we are all different from one another, we possess very similar qualities that keep us remaining as good friends. We're open and honest with each other, sometimes it can even be brutal. However, we know how to say things to each other in a way that don't cause a knock out, drag down fight...and if they do, we start realizing how ridiculous it is to be fighting and start laughing by the time the fight dissolves. In the end, it all gets resolved one way or another.

My friends are generally the kind of people who don't take anything too seriously and have a joke or comment to make about nearly everything. They do their research before they speak (most of the time) and have pretty good heads on their shoulders. If you don't know how to articulate your opinion and have a small vocabulary, you may get lost in an argument with them. They are quick-witted, articulate, and intelligent. Their sense of humor and knack for diplomacy is something to be admired, in most cases. Naturally, some of them are pistols who could use a safety on their trigger...but that's another subject. Most of my friends are extremely social, fun-loving and accepting of others. Most of my friends are also extremely independent in many senses of the word. They enjoy their freedom. They don't need anyone to be their extra body part as they walk through life, but they enjoy the company. This is another quality that I share to some extent.

Personally, I find it very difficult to be associated with people who don't know how to stand on their own two feet and refuse to figure it out. I have no problem being there for my friends when they need me, but that can only go on for so long before I start neglecting my own issues and these particularly needy "friends" start neglecting me. When a friendship becomes all about one person, it's not a friendship. People who are that selfish eventually wear on my nerves and start sucking the life out of me. I call them vampires...of sorts. They are the ones who "need" that person...that crutch... to stand on as they go through life because "it's soooo hard" for them to do anything alone. They don't actually enjoy the company, they just want someone to do it all for them. In the meantime, they will do everything in their power to prevent me from living my own life and it usually backfires on them. I eventually walk awayfrom those situations without looking back. So it is important that my friends be mindful of how selfish they're being and reciprocate the friendship and love that I give if they truly want me in their lives.

• Day 4: About your family: *For the sake of anonymity, I omitted names of my family members.

George Burns once said, "Happiness is a loving, close-knit family ... in another city." My family is like any other. We have our own form of craziness. We do alright around each other for a little while, but we really get along best when we have room to breathe on our own. What's a holiday without a few jabs in the ribs or a metaphorical/verbal knife thrown every now and then throughout the day? It's kind of funny to me that a family of 5 people can turn out to be 5 individuals who are very, very different, yet so much the same.

To give a little bit of background, my dad hails from the southwestern area of Louisiana. One of 15 children, born to a worker in the oil fields and a homemaker and growing up in the bayou, I'm sure you can imagine what kind of crazy lifestyle he had been accustomed to before joining the Navy in 1974. (Was it '74? I always forget.) Anyway, my mom was born and raised in Washington state. She is one of 4, the only girl, and raised pretty much as an only child since her older brothers are 8 & 10 years older than her and her other brother is 8 years younger than her. Naturally, she's a much quieter person than my dad. Haha!

My brother is 4 years older than me and I've hardly seen much of him since I was a teenager. He comes around at least twice a year and once in awhile I'll go visit him and his wife, but we aren't all that close. The only thing I can say about my brother (which makes me laugh a little) is he's kind of like our family's Ken Schram. The only difference between him and Ken Schram is that my brother's opinions make sense. He doesn't have kids and doesn't want them. Instead, he and his wife raise their dog, Ludo, and various fish and reptiles and live a quiet life.

My sister is a year younger than me. I've only been able to get away from her for a brief 8 years. If you've never met my sister, you might be a little scared at first if you ever do. I'm just warning you. She's a little bit of a chaotic explosion. It's hard to sum her up because she's all over the place. I will say this: Give her a couple of beers and mention something to do about St. Louis (MO), Kat Williams, squirrels in the brain, or "ghetto bitches" and you'll be trying not to pee your pants from laughing so hard. Put a microphone in her hand and she'll give you a whole stand-up routine. She is a wife and mother of 2 girls.

My oldest niece is a survivor. She has been through Hell and bounced back with flying colors. She was born with Downs Syndrome and as a result, was also born without a valve on her heart. Another valve was enlarged and pumping 4 times as much blood into her lungs as it could pump out. Eventually she went into congenital heart failure. Luckily, they caught the problem soon enough that they were able to help her. When she was 4 months old, they performed a banding surgery on her enlarged valve and patched a hole that they found in the process of the surgery. When she was a year and a half old, her doctors at Mary Bridge Children's Hospital in Tacoma, WA performed an open heart surgery to place an artificial valve on her heart. A year later she was diagnosed with acute lymphomatic leukimia and underwent chemotherapy for 3 years. This October she will be 10 years cancer-free. Despite everything she has been through, she is the only person I know who almost always has a smile on her face and even if she doesn't, she's probably playing a prank on someone. She's also the only kid I know who will swallow the nastiest tasting medicines without a problem when she has to and rarely cries out in pain.

My youngest niece is a miniature of my sister. Her hair is blond and her eyes are hazel like her dad, but she is her mother's daughter for sure. She is smart and beautiful and emotional to each extreme. She's also a little bit of a drama queen. The funniest story I can remember about her is one that my sister told me when her daughter was about 2 or 3 years old. Mom was in the kitchen doing the dishes and Niece was playing in her bedroom. Dad came home from work for a lunch break and began a conversation with Mom. Amidst their conversation they hear a terrified Niece screaming "Mommy! Daddy! Help me!" Dad and Mom rush in to see what is the matter and find Niece dangling from the ceiling fan ... while it was on. Apparently, she had climbed up on the top of the bunk bed and ended up on the fan. I'm not sure if the fan was on before she grabbed hold of it and I'm aware how dangerous the situation was for her, but you have to admit that the image of a small child hanging from a ceiling fan is pretty funny. This is just a small clue as to what kinds of dilemmas the girl gets herself into. She can read and write at a 2nd grade level while still in Kindergarten, but she isn't always too sharp when it comes to keeping herself out of trouble. My sister was the same way at that age, only a little more violent, I think.

As for me...well, I'm the quiet one in the family. For the most part, anyway. I became a widow at 27 and have never had any kids. I don't really know if I want them at this point...although the right person could most likely persuade me to have at least one. By the right person, I mean someone I can truly enjoy living out my days and nights with. I do love my dog, though! He is a stinky little pup, but he's awesome and so gosh darn CUTE!

If you're wondering about further background about where my family stems from, talk to my mom. She's the genealogist.

• Day 5: Something you really hate.

Coconut. I wish it would go away. I can't stand anything about it. I hate the texture, the flavor, and the smell.

I could also go on for days about how much I hate traffic, but since I'm supposed to be getting ready for work, (another thing I hate...getting ready for work, that is) I won't.

• Day 6: A song that makes you cry.

Sgt. Mackenzie" by Clann An Drummah

Original Scottish Version

Lay me doon in the caul caul groon Whaur afore monie mair huv gaun Lay me doon in the caul caul groon Whaur afore monie mair huv gaun

When they come a wull staun ma groon Staun ma groon al nae be afraid Thoughts awe hame tak awa ma fear Sweat an bluid hide ma veil awe tears

Ains a year say a prayer faur me Close yir een an remember me Nair mair shall a see the sun For a fell tae a Germans gun

Lay me doon in the caul caul groon Whaur afore monie mair huv gaun Lay me doon in the caul caul groon Whaur afore monie mair huv gaun Whaur afore monie mair huv gaun

English Translation

Lay me down in the cold cold ground Where before many more have gone Lay me down in the cold cold ground Where before many more have gone

When they come I will stand my ground Stand my ground I'll not be afraid Thoughts of home take away my fear Sweat and blood hide my veil of tears

Once a year say a prayer for me Close your eyes and remember me Never more shall I see the sun For I fell to a Germans gun

Lay me down in the cold cold ground Where before many more have gone Lay me down in the cold cold ground Where before many more have gone Where before many more have gone

In memory of Sgt. Charles Stuart MacKenzie Seaforth Highlanders Who along with many others gave up his life So that we can live free

We will remember them

The song used to make me sad because of the story behind it and the melancholy of the tune itself, but now when I hear it, it reminds me of the second worst day of my life. This was the song that we played as my late husband's casket was being lowered into the ground, upon his request prior to his death. If you have never sat next to a gravesite as the body of one of the most important people in your life was being lowered into the ground, prepare yourself for that moment. Your head will spin and your body will shake and you will want to get up and run away, but you can't do anything but break down into the worst sobbing fit you've ever had. You may bury your face into the shoulder of the person next to you who is feeling exactly the same way you are and cling to them for some tiny little thread of comfort. You will wonder if that moment is even real...maybe you're just acting in a movie? Nope. It's all real. You cling to every little piece of sanity you can manage to hold onto in that moment. For me, it was all compounded by the fact that cemeteries send me into panic attacks and my body was in shock for weeks after the day my husband died. Also by the fact that the day we buried him was the same day that we were supposed to be celebrating his 32nd birthday. In roughly 30 days, he will have been gone for 3 years and my heart has healed tremendously since that awful time, but I will never forget the connection between this song and that particular time, no matter how much better or worse things become throughout my life.

• Day 7: Your crush.

I don't have any crushes on anyone that I know, currently. In recent months I've met some very attractive, well-mannered guys who I am honored to be acquainted with, but they are going to be really good for someone other than myself someday. I'll also let it be known that when I have crushes, I don't act on them because I know that the person I happen to crush on is not really who I want. I know what I want when I see it and I go for it. Crushes are just a pleasant little way of killing time in between scanning the horizon...so to speak. I like to look at all the "shining lights" but I know that talking to them will ruin my image of who they might be, so I take a mental picture and move on. Kind of like the beautiful boy with the mohawk at the Tumbledown show last night. :) Plus, I am a terrible conversation starter when I don't know someone.

I would go into what attracts me to certain people but I don't feel like getting into it. I haven't had any coffee yet. LOL

(I included a picture of Robert Pattinson to demonstrate a celebrity crush. Heehee...)

Robert Pattinson standing on a corner somewhere... This is my celebrity crush...and I will only never act on it because I am never, to my knowledge, in proximity to him...and I wouldn't want to creep the poor guy out.

• Day 8: Something you hate about yourself.

I can easily think of a lot of things I don't like about myself. I won't write about all of them. The one that was most recently brought to my attention -- I don't know if it was intentionally brought to my attention, but what someone said to me made me think about this particular behavior -- is how critical I can be of others. This was brought to my attention during a karaoke night when a song that I normally sing (but elected not to on this particular night) was sung by a girl who had a voice that was better suited for a different song. My friends all gave her kind of a hard time for it and I said something to the DJ, half-joking, that she shouldn't be allowed to sing the song. He said back to me that there are people who say the same thing about me. His further explanation was that he thought I was awesome and so did a lot of other people, but there are always haters. There's always people out there who are going to criticize and tell you what you did wrong as well as there are people who will always praise you and build you up, but the real fact of the matter is that everyone does things differently. As long as you give it your best shot and keep trying to improve on what you can already do, it doesn't really matter a whole lot what other people think or say about you. Please the people you care about who care about you in return and you'll be alright.

So, I haven't perfected the behavior change, but I'm trying to be a little more mindful of being overly critical or unfair because it's something about myself that I don't like. I don't like seeing it in other people, either. It really, really bothers me, in fact. My mom always said that what we don't like about ourselves is what we dislike most about other people. *GASP* Mom was actually right... DAMMIT! I hate saying that. LOL

• Day 9: Your definition of love.

Oh geez! How does anyone manage to define love? Love can be overwhelming at the beginning and excruciating when it ends, but it's easy once I have it and I've figured out that, yes, that is indeed what I am feeling. It has nothing to do with money or society. In my experience, I have found that it is easiest to know love when I am surrounded by it. Love isn't just something we get from one person or one particular type of relationship. We get it from our family and our friends. We receive it from our long-term significant others and/or future or current spouses and their family and friends.

If you connect with someone long enough to meet their friends and family and the friends and/or family don't like you, it's probably less about you and more about their loved one. Of course, some families are just filled with hateful people. Some people just aren't worthy of the affections of some families or their loved one. However, I'm a firm believer in getting what you give as far as love goes.

If I am bending over backwards to show someone the love I have for them and it still isn't good enough to deserve a little reciprocation, then I re-grow my spine and give them exactly what they're giving me. I walk away if necessary. Maybe they'll learn to appreciate what I gave to them, maybe they won't. Once I give up on someone who never appreciated me enough to reciprocate what I gave to them, it's their loss to mourn. Not mine.

I'm not saying it's easy to walk away from love or to let go of it once I have. I know very well that it isn't. Giving up friendships and relationships is not my forté. However, I have been in situations where people have hurt me so badly that they showed me exactly how much they really cared at the time and I walked away. Not all of them were unforgiven and some of them I'm friends with now after a long period of no association ... and the growing up that both parties involved had to do. Some of them I will forgive, but I know they have not and will not change so I'm moving on without them.

Being a loving, loyal friend does not mean I have to take more abuse than I can handle. Some people are just too hard on their friends and expect their friends to be there until they've met their maker taking all the abuse they dole out. I call those people delusional if they think I'm going to put up with a lifetime of abuse from anyone. Stick your finger in the dog's mouth and see what happens... However, when I stop associating with someone, it doesn't mean that I don't still feel some amount of love for them. I am a very loving person and my loyalty and friendship go as far as you want them to go. If you reciprocate what I give to you no matter what, I will be your friend for as long as that lasts. On the other hand, though, why should I invest myself in a relationship with someone who doesn't actually want to be there for me when I need them? Why should I be the one always running to the rescue? I'm not your savior or your hero. I'm a girl with a big heart, but you only get as much of that heart as you give me of yours.

Also remember, as a friend, lover, family member, and human being, the lines we walk with love are thin and tight, so tread carefully. It's very easy to fall into hatred. Part of being a loving person is being accepting of others and their ways and beliefs, even if I don't feel they are right for me. I can't say that I'm a complete saint in this respect, but I do often remind myself that everyone feels and lives life differently. Being firm in my boundaries with others is part of what helps me form and keep strong bonds with people that I love.

• Day 10: Your best friend.
• Day 11: A letter to one of your exes.
• Day 12: Your favorite female group.
• Day 13: Your least favorite female group.
• Day 14: Something you love about yourself.
• Day 15: What you would if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant.
• Day 16: A photo that makes you smile.
• Day 17: A photo that makes you want to cry.
• Day 18: A letter to someone you miss.
• Day 19: A habit you wish you didn’t have.
• Day 20: A letter to your parents.
• Day 21: Short goals you wish to fulfill by the end of the month.
• Day 22: Your nicknames & why you have them.
• Day 23: What you would find in your bag.
• Day 24: A song that makes you smile.
• Day 25: How you found out about blogger & why you made one.
• Day 26: First 10 songs to play on shuffle on your iPod.
• Day 27: Your fashion style.
• Day 28: What attracts you to someone.
• Day 29: Future plans/goals.
• Day 30: Who are you?