stealing this idea from danielle. i think it will be interesting.i'm going to write a sentence or two about my days.

1/26/11- charles and i are on a break. it's only been a few days, but i miss him a lot. i'm still very confused though, i basically did nothing all day but watch hockey and dye my hair. today was the first day in a year and a half that i didn't speak to charlie at all

1/27/11-i stayed up til 5am yesterday. woke up at around 2:30pm to a snow storm. the winter isn't helping my feelings at all. i want spring.every movie i've wanted to watch is unavailable on netflix -_- i'm still on the couch.

1/28/11- heading to wi tonight. going to try to sort some things out. i hope i can. i'm watching ace ventura right now, and just finished my nails. i feel kindof sick. i just need to be around people, i've been so bored all week. charlies been able to see friends and change things. and i've been stuck alone with my thoughts.

12/29/11- I don't even know. I feel like I'm making everythin worse. I'm waiting to go to work. I haven't eaten yet. I haven't been able to eat much at all. I had some Chinese yesterday. i did a tattoo on troy today. i enjoyed work, even though i didn't really feel up to being there. it was kinda nice. especially since ive been stuck in the house all week. this weekend was good. strange. but very good. aside from my anxiety sickness and worrying. maybe this change is good for us. we miss eachother, but i know he's having a good time with his friends and i've been having good times when i'm with mine.

1/30/12-I went to work early today to clean with jay. It was kinda nice being up early. We actually had a nice talk. He's pretty cool despite my first impressions. He helped me with shit. Him and his gf have been together since they were 16. Pretty crazy. Joe took me to work. We hungout last night. Watched our old smoking videos ha. It was nice. I'm at anitas right now, I'm so tired.

2/3- me and charlie went on a date tuesday. it went really well, it was a little weird, cause i felt like we were being kinda formal with eachother. we went to dinner at a sushi place in port jeff, it was really good and the people were very nice. i spilt cranberry juice all over myself. if i were with anyone else i'd have been really embarrassed. i told him that. afterwords we watched a movie it was nice. we didn't really talk about us. we talked on the phone today. he seems to be doing well still. he got a job at cakes again. he said by march he wants to know whats going on with us.. so i guess i have a sort of deadline. i have no idea what is going to happen. i kinda feel like we had our time, and its done.. romantically. but when i think of him liking someone else i want to die. but that's selfish of me. i can't have everything i want though. so eventually i'll have to decide what to do. i just don't want to face it. i'm going to be alone for a month. seeing him occasionally. it's going to be weird. i've had guys messaging me already being like heyy whats up blahhh. i dont want to talk to any of them. i'm not interested. go away.

2/4/12- i love charlie so much. so this is really hard for me. i don't know what's going to happen. that's all i have to say to him and to myself. i don't know. and it doesn't help at all. i can't stand thinking of him loving or wanting someone else. but then i understand i can't be selfish. but it kills me. i always want to have everything no matter how shitty it would be towards the other person. i know that i can't but it doesn't keep the thought out of my head.