stealing this idea from danielle. i think it will be interesting.i'm going to write a sentence or two about my days.

1/26/11- charles and i are on a break. it's only been a few days, but i miss him a lot. i'm still very confused though, i basically did nothing all day but watch hockey and dye my hair. today was the first day in a year and a half that i didn't speak to charlie at all

1/27/11-i stayed up til 5am yesterday. woke up at around 2:30pm to a snow storm. the winter isn't helping my feelings at all. i want spring.every movie i've wanted to watch is unavailable on netflix -_- i'm still on the couch.

1/28/11- heading to wi tonight. going to try to sort some things out. i hope i can. i'm watching ace ventura right now, and just finished my nails. i feel kindof sick. i just need to be around people, i've been so bored all week. charlies been ab...

• audrey kawasaki tattoo!!!
• red heels from urban outfitters
• grey thigh high and ankle leopard socks
• leopard print rodarte for target dress and the skeleton one!
• long hair!!! D:
• feather and net headbands.
• winter coat
• lace tights
• thigh high boots
• Auschwitz: True Tales from a Grotesque Land book
• Children of the Flames: Dr. Josef Mengele and the Untold Story of the Twins of Auschwitz book
• doctors from hell
• Eyewitness Auschwitz
• five chimneys
• Trance Formation of America: Trance

• pink roses
• skeletons
• skeleton key
• fancy scrolls

• if i were a color i'd be black and white
• if i were a number i'd be 13
• if i were an animal i'd be a kitty
• if i were a song i'd be mod sounding
• if i were an article of clothing i'd be booty shorts
• if i were a kiss i'd be soft
• if i were a granny name i'd be gertrude.
• if i were a shoe i'd be flats
• if i were an art supply i'd be a paintbrush
• if i were a weather condition i'd be rain
• if i were a famous person i'd be lady gaga
• if i were asleep i'd be dreaming
• if i were a disney princess i'd be tinkerbell <i know! not a princess>
• if i were a guitar i'd be shiny
• if i were a drink i'd be fruity
• if i were a food i'd be chinese

• the was a maze of snow. it was like harry potter/lotr i think. we had to get away from this group of evil things. but some were people, some where like dolls/stuffed animals i think.
• we were running through the mazes trying to hide. there was a little thing digging holes through the maze walls to get through. i told it it should just go through the maze the right way and kept running.
• the snow was really thick, i can't really remember much of it.
• i was hanging out with charlie, and i had to go to work, but i hungout with kelley for a bit. so charlie was going to do something else. i was waiting in the car with him for kelley and he said he hated waiting for miranda to get out of the house. i asked who that was and he wouldnt answer. he just said they were going to montauk while i was working/with kelley. i as...

• charlie was sleeping over.we were laying in my bed.i kept getting a weird feeling on my shoulder and a crab would walk down. so i freaked out and charlie got rid of it. it kept happening. they were coming out of the left corner of my bed.
• we moved the bed to see if there was anything there. but it was clean except for a little cage with dead geckos in it. they were all swollen from being dead. and i took the whole thing and threw it out. but we still didnt know where the crabs came from.
• me and alexa were in my moms car. we wanted to drive home i think. so alexa was driving the car. we wanted to turn around so i told her to go onto a side street, but when we turned there was like a giant crater hole filled with water and she drove right into it. so we started freaking out and she wa s like lets call the police...

• in target with a snake. trying to keep it from biting me. breaks into pieces.
• at work all the soup stuff is gone and clean. the wontons are really tiny like tortellinis. im supposed to put 5 but i put a lot and try to get them out. but its like a neverending supply of them.
• i'm at a block party at joes. zack is there, he's getting a drink, i go to get one too and say hi. its awkward.
• i go in the house to go to the bathroom. theres a weird half door horizontally and then another half door vertically. so theres an opening. alissa holds the doors shut and is talking to me while im going to the bathroom.
• then she goes and i hold the door. she asks if i think my shoes will last for the rest of my life. i say i doubt it.
• we walk into the kitchen and there's a paper from FIT on the fridge. it has some n...

• the future
• what i'm doing with myself.
• growing apart from my dad.
• my family in general. and what will happen with them.
• how i'm so unmotivated.
• dealing with heartbreak, should it happen.
• things i have no control over
• getting old
• people i'm close to. i get paranoid something is going to happen to them.

• a- apple sauce
• b- bananas with peanut butter
• c- charles barhold
• d- dicks lolz
• e- egg sammiches
• f- futurama
• g- googly eyes
• h- halloween
• i- icecreams
• j- jello shots
• k- kelley mcquade haha
• l- loling
• m- moon piess
• n- night time
• o- oli sykes
• p- purple
• q- quarters
• r- red lipstick
• s- stars
• t- trueblood!
• u- underwear shopping :3

• lucky charms adventure.
• foggy beach adventure where we found spaghetti
• our secret bench in babylon where we had to run to escape security
• bronx zoo adventure
• eating all the lunchables adventure hahaha.
• argyle benches >:]

need moar. <3

tattoos i have:

• bats and a moon on my ribs
• stars on my hips
• a snowflake on my chest
• lilys on my right arm

tattoos i want:

• leopard spots on my arm
• a red umbrella with 5 raindrops
• "do what you love, fuck the rest"
• something alice in wonderland themed
• a baby raptor coming out of an egg
• a little ghost
• a furby

places i want tattooed:

• my right arm
• my thigh
• shoulders
• wrist
• foot

• i used to hate my boyfriend when i met him. lolz
• raptors are adorable
• i cant sleep without a blanket or my hair covering my neck
• i want a furby tattoo. even though everyone yells at me for it.
• i really want to move. but everytime i feel i get the chance i decide im not ready to leave.
• i've had my fair share of hookups. and it gets old after a while. im glad i found someone that i really love.
• sushi and chinese food are amoung my favorite foods.
• i wish i could sing.
• i wish i wasnt so shy around groups of people
• i hardly talk to my dad anymore. and it upsets me more than anything.
• my cousin joe is my best friend and witho...

• i was at a scavenger hunt with a bunch of people. we were on bleachers forming our teams. we had to do it in boats in the ocean.
• we were going around and i saw a sharks nose pop out of the water, noone believed me. but kelley saw it. then everyone saw the fin and started freaking out.
• so we started trying to paddle away from it but it was attacking. some guy at his house told us to come to his dock. so we went there.
• but charlie and some other girls boyfriend fell in i think. and i saw him floating. i started crying and praying that he'd just wake up and get out of the water. i felt like throwing up. eventually he woke up.
• i went back the next day but noone was really there. me and eileen and someone else were on a team.

• some little kid was getting married. i think it was daniel. but he was like a bride. we were trying to make a veil. we were using my quilt.
• suddenly they looked sick and i thought they were going to puke. but they spit out two teeth.
• charlie had to move back into his old room because his sister was coming back. he said we should go in there one last time and lay on the bed.
• i was in my backyard with a bunch of people and it was raining. we were naked. i told charlie we could shower out here, it was raining so hard.
• i was at some house party waiting to go to the bathroom. there were a lot of random people i went to highschool that i dont really like there.
• i was running around the streets near my house. i was trying to call charlie cause...

• i went back in time to 1988. it was my parents wedding. im not sure what year they were really married.
• in the beginning everyone was in a field. they were taking pictures. my mom was running around setting things up because she wanted good pictures. her bridesmaids were in different colored dresses. yellow, black, and teal i think.
• she wanted them to alternate the colors and have them ly on the ground with her in the middle. she ended up notbeing in the middle.
• i didn't recognize any of the bridesmaids but the rest of my family was there. we were taking a picture of all of us standing up. aunt maria was infront of me and danny jr. was in back of me. noone knew who i was i dont think. just some random relative.
• at one point i was with anita in the pres...

• this came up while me and charlie were talking. if we were the only ones left alive in the world. i thought that would be a great thing, but i immediately thought of my family and how i wouldn't want them to die.. ha.
• it would be terrifying. but amazing at the same time. we could do anything.
• anything we wanted to do, we could take anything we wanted. it would be insane.
• i would imagine it would seem very lonely. even with the other person with you. huge empty spaces. completely deserted.
• like manhattan, when you're used to seeing it alive and busy 24 hours a day. suddenly everyone is gone. all the lights have gone out. you're alone in a huge city. what would you do?
• we would eventually have the choice to try to start the human race again. or just let ourselves die and end it for good. th...

• i've been obsessed with reading about people dieing lately.
• i still can't cope with the fact that my dad is a complete moron.
• everyday i suppress thinking about all the asshole-ish things he does. but there's always one day where i let my mind slip and i get extremely upset.
• i feel like i am close to noone anymore.
• and that i relate to noone.
• also that i can't rely on anyone except me.
• but even i am not someone to rely on. i feel like i have accomplished nothing.
• i feel like i really need a break from life and to just go somewhere and explore for a while. i want to take a trip somewhere new.
• everyday is the same thing. it depresses me.
• i hate when i get in these moods, i don't...

• i secretly like drama. i like to have something to brood over... sounds ridiculous.
• i contradict myself a lot.
• i VERY rarely know what i want. but when i do know i go for it.
• i have trust issues. it takes a lot for me to trust you fully. i maybe only completely trust about 2 or 3 people in my life.
• i really want to live on my own. but when i start thinking about it i'd really miss home.
• i think about what humans would taste like sometimes. people think i'm insane...
• thinking about being raped scares the shit out of me.
• a lot of times i have feelings about things, like something is going to happen. and they end up happening.
• i feel that the relationship i'm in now i...

• johnny and jad were putting on a western show in my backyard.singing and dancing in cowboy outfits.
• i had braces and was chewing bubblegum. it made the braces rip off at places and my teeth were really loose so i had to push them back together. i was in the bathroom freaking out.
• charlie and mike mcloughlin were in the pool with me. mike had just gotten a tattoo with some numbers.. i said i wanted to go get mine. we played some game in the pool while johnny and jad were singing.
• dad was moving to tennessee. we were going to live in a homeless shelter. lisa knew the woman that worked there. my mom sent me a text to look nice and clean because we were meeting her.
• me and charlie snuck into a rich gated community. while walking we sat in beach chairs next to some old people reading the ...

• a-adam green
• b- brandnew/bring me the horizon
• c- the clash
• d- dance gavin dance
• e- echo and the bunnymen
• f- franz ferdinand
• g- gallows
• h- hollywood undead
• i- incubus
• j- joy division
• k- kings of leon
• l- the libertines
• m- muse
• n- neutral milk hotel
• o- oingo boingo
• p- protest the hero
• q- queen
• r- rancid
• s- the strokes
• t- the streets
• u- underoath

love:

• the sushi ha
• the different people
• being able to go around the city whenever i want
• some of the classes
• having classes devoted to art
• drunken nights walking around the city
• dorm room parties hah
• sitting outside people watching
• the crazy guy that says he's from the clouds and pushes his dog around in a baby stroller
• the jamaican lady at the sign in desk
• running around the streets with giganic balloons and getting weird looks
• skipping class to go hangout
• my drawing classes/professors
• eating watermelon sour patch kids and iced tea everyday. hah
• taking trips to st marks place

• barbies
• furbies
• magic attic dolls
• making fruit salads with my sister
• watching nick at night shows with my dad
• pink
• power rangers
• hershey park
• any kind of doll
• playing waitresses
• pretending to be the spice girls and putting on shows for my family with my cousins.
• driving around in my barbie jeep
• taking the pillows off the coach and sliding down them.
• watching thumbalina
• tea parties
• pretending to be fairies
• drawing clothes and making magazines.
• napkin rabbit

• london
• paris
• italy
• scotland
• ireland
• california
• new zealand
• germany
• russia
• india
• japan
• finland
• the shire
• sweden
• amsterdam
• australia

• i saw a beach place. and the waves were really big, and they were making everything into a desert. this guy and his two kids were running to find a car to drive out of there. but on the way they ordered fries from some vendor. one with sauce and one without.
• we were looking at a map to see if boats could get us out of the area. everything was frozen now and it showed little boats making tunnels through the ice to get through.
• we were on a big old boat and there was a party. there was this game of sucking dicks.....idk. and everyone was doing it. so i was doing it to charlie then i had to switch or something. so cunt was on him next. and the whole time i wanted to kick her in the throat.
• i told charlie this. we were both being dicks to her. i wanted her to know that i ...

• me and charlie were at the house of some relative of his. i think it was halloween.

----------------------------------------------

• having a party in my backyard
• roasting marshmellows. random people were there. some that i would never hangout with.
• charlie went to drop this girl off, it was sam studley.. and i was waiting.
• he came back and there was a group of people around him. he was telling them how he made out with her. i was like wtf. and threw an eggroll at him. it hit him right in the face.
• he got pissed and ran to the other side of the yard. i followed him and was like freaking out. he didnt care.
• i asked him why he would do that. but he ...

• i was at a model show. me,my mom and my sister were in a hotel room. i wished i brought my laptop.
• i started painting my body in camouflage, i was totally naked except for paint. then i wore an army dress. i was making an army costume
• i was on a train with people. matt tom and zack where there. i was telling zack that he was in a few of my dreams recently.
• i was talking to tom about seeing afi
• i was in a car with some people. me and danielle were sitting in the back. there were weird antelope things running around attacking eachother. and lions that were trying to climb ontop of eachother i think. but they kept going stiff and falling over.

i can't do this anymore.

• in highschool. we had to go to a prom meeting. i had a big blue cinderella type dress on with an orange corset over it. with high heels and white socks. me kelley and gina went to the auditorium. but we needed our tickets.
• we went to find them. i couldnt find mine, but they left.
• so i went back and found them inside. we sat down. jon dirusso was there, and vin. i had to sit behind gina and kelley and ally.
• hannah was sitting on ginas lap. talking and laughing.
• the guy that was giving the presentation said there was food outside that we could have. everyone tried to get up but he said to wait.
• then they showed us a video from kids at proms, a lot of guidos and whoreish girls.

• riding a train through a room. there are turtles all over it. i have to move them.some have babies. some are stuck so i use a spatula. theres sand on each side of the tracks.
• me joe alissa and charlie are in my aunts bathroombut there's a bed.. alissa is putting pads in joes bathing suit and generally torturing him. they leave. me and charlie are sleeping in the bed.
• i hear people wondering where we are. my mom comes in to check. i say we're just sleeping. she starts yelling at me to find joes wallet. and i complain and ask why i have to.
• me charlie and daniel are coming out of cvs. we watch a woman chase her kid around the parking lot. we tell daniel he better not run around. he starts to but i tell him to stop.
• there's a carnival in the distance. i tel...

• 1. I've come to realize that my job...

is ridiculously easy. and i shouldn't complain

• 2. I've come to realize that when I'm driving...

i'm dreaming

• 3. I've come to realize that I need....

to get moving with my life and stop procrastinating everything.

• 4. I've come to realize that I have lost...

close relationships with my dad. and some friends

• 5. I've come to realize that I hate it when...

i stop seeing/talking to people even if i'm not close with them.

• "if you put out signals that you don't wanna belong, people will make sure you don't" -pretty in pink
• "do what you love, fuck the rest"- little miss sunshine
• "we're all mad here"- alice in wonderland

• the road
• cloudy with a chance of meatballs
• 500 days of summer
• inglourious basterds
• 2012

• charles barhold
• my brother and sister.. my whole family duh..
• frands
• laying in bed all day
• cheetah print
• talking about everything with my cousin joe
• hanging out with my siblings
• tortellini soup
• anything british
• spicy tuna rolls
• the color teal
• lord of the rings
• slurpees
• inside jokes
• making things
• costume parties
• manhattan
• drinking vodka in argyle haha
• rain and storms

• im indecisive
• lazy
• jealous extremely easy
• im very unmotivated most of the time
• im not good with confrontations
• i cant be mean to people even if they deserve it
• i'm constantly worrying about my weight. even though i know i'm fine. in my mind i still freak out and think i'm fat.
• i'm not assertive enough
• i worry a lot.
• i have a hard time telling people when something is bothering me. but i usually end up telling them after a little while.
• i'm still a bit shy.
• i have trust issues
• i still think its weird when people tell me i'm goodlooking or whatever.
• i constantly have an attitude with my mother. i try not to but i can't help it.