- I feel bad that I've kinda been neglecting my Listography, but I'm back! A LOT has happened since my last entry in June, since it's October now, but here's the main things that have happened:
- got my car
- got my license
- started school at the career center
- the entire cross country season happened
- and a lot more but I don't have the patience to write all that!
- 5-STAR IS SO GOOD OH MY GODDDDDDD- I'M FREAKING OUT UGH I LOVE SKZ SFMM
- Feeling tempted to just drop Enhypen's webtoon. It started off good but recently I just have no desire to continue. Especially since the protagonist, who used to be a badass with superpowers, is just a straight up damsel in distress now. They totally ruined her character and the plot is just getting boring. If it doesn't get better soon I'm just gonna stop reading. It makes me sad though, bc I know Enhypen has some really cool lore but I just don't think the comic portrays it well anymore.
- I just noticed I have 3 pictures of Sunoo on my drawing reference pinterest board, which I find interesting because I usually don't put idols on there. I guess he's just really drawable lol.
- Look, I'm not trying to gatekeep or anything, but the other day I heard some guys in my free period singing Cupid by Fifty Fifty, and it kinda made me mad. It's a kpop song, but since the English version is trending they don't realize it's kpop and just go along with it. If it were any other kpop song they would tear it to shreds. They're not allowed to like it!! Not unless they accept kpop as a whole, which I know they don't. I really hope this doesn't come off as bitchy or anything but like, you understand where I'm coming from right??
- My dreams recently have really been reflecting things that I want really bad. First I dreamed about having a massive walk in closet full of clothes, and then last night I dreamed about going to a Stray Kids concert and having been really close to the stage. Ughhh I just wish it were reality and not dreams.
- My mom told me that today while she was dropping me of she saw some guy blatantly checking me out and now I NEED TO KNOW WHO IT WAS OR I'M GONNA GO INSANE
- Omg, I just started reading it but Delusion has got to be one of the prettiest webcomics I've ever seen. And the story is so cool so far, I wanna keep reading but it's daily pass TT
- Apparently my RBF is much worse than I thought. Today my brother told me that his friends on the bus as well as the bus driver all think I'm some super mean person. I swear I'm not a jerk it's just my face TT (Although personally I think it's on them for judging a book by its cover...I don't really care all that much though)
- I wanna start working out again SO FREAKING BAD but I can't until July and it's making me VERY UPSET I JUST WANNA WORK OUT I'M TIRED OF FEELING LIKE SHIT ALL THE TIME
- Call me crazy, but I genuinely don't like that it's getting lighter every day. I am not a sunshine kind of person, and it not being dark by 7 is really throwing me off, it's just wrong! And it's getting lighter in the mornings, so by the time I leave for school the sun has already risen. I just want it to be dark early again TT. Although on the positive side, at least it's been raining a lot! Dark, stormy weather is my absolute favorite, it's so cozy. I hope we get some good thunderstorms soon.
- Yesterday morning my mom told a Stray Kids joke. I opened the cabinet door and it creaked and she said, "Hey, you wanna come in?" Lmfaooo I'm turning her into a stay
- I am REALLY not having the best time right now.....I started my period at school and bled through my pants, then had to wait to ask someone for a tampon since I forgot mine, and now I'm super cramped. My mom is bringing me new pants but I can't go home without a doctor's note....which I can't get for this.
- Is it REALLY asking that much for men not to walk around smelling like feet every day??? Showering and applying deodorant is just basic hygiene, why is is so fucking hard to do? Ughh men are gross.
- I really hope someone saw my listography and found it interesting enough to bookmark me. I wish there was a way for me to know TT
- I love love love driving on the highway. Driving in general really, but the highway is so fun. Although sometimes merging/changing lanes is a little scary, I try not to get too stressed about it, and I do fine. It's just such a vibe to zoom down the highway listening to music.
- I really want to take that awful digital Hyunjin sketch off my art list but I WON'T because I think it's important to show growth. I still hate it though.
- I accidentally slept until almost 2pm today.....oops I guess.
- Little sleep + jitteriness from coffee + the general anxiety of being in school = not having the greatest time rn
- My brother described my face when I'm on my phone as "half happy, half RBF" and that's gotta be the funniest but most accurate description of my face I've ever heard.
- Last night I started to cry a bit. I'm glad tho, because although it might seem like a bad thing that I've cried again after a long time of not, I was actually crying because I was happy for once. I was listening to Sunshine by Stray Kids, and I was just thinking of how grateful and hopeful I am for the future. I'm in a much better place then I was a few months ago. I mentioned it briefly before, but never really got into it and never actually opened up to anyone about it, not even my mom fully, but I think I was feeling really depressed. It was hard to see any hope, but now things have been going so well, and I know that everything's gonna be okay. I'm just so happy to be experiencing this feeling.
- Ray's section on her listography about the little things she noticed about me made me unreasonably happy. It's somehow so reassuring to know that other people notice things about me that I didn't even realize I did.
- I refer to my online friends as "love" or "lovely" really often, but I can't imagine ever actually calling someone that irl, it would just feel so weird
- I'm so so so obsessed with Devil by the Window by TXT rn. Like IT'S SO GOOD. The whole album really but this song is definitely my favorite, and probably one of my overall favorite songs now. 1000/10 reccomend, listen to it right now.
- Sometimes I find it hard to fall asleep if I'm feeling happy. Is that weird? I guess happiness = excitement = cant sleep. Hmm.
- The last few weeks have actually been going really well for me. I've had a lot of good things happen and I'm really grateful for that. It hasn't been completely perfect, but I finally feel hopeful for the future.
- Aaaaah I'm getting my temps after school today!! I'm so excited ^^ although slightly terrified~
- Having a runny nose during school is the absolute worst. THERE ARE NEVER ANY TISSUES ANYWHERE. I miss elementary school when they always had that little station with the tissue box, hand sanitizer, and trash can by the door in every classroom. Not anymore! Like, what are my options here? Wipe it on my sleeve? GROSS. Keep sniffing it back up in my nose? SUPER ANNOYING TO EVERYONE AND MYSELF. Ask to go to the bathroom to use some toilet paper? No way am I going just to do that. Do you see my issue here? Ugh.
- Today was an amazing day. I don't think I've been this happy in a long long time. <333
- I think I'd like to improve my writing. Not in a literary sense but more in a "my writing sounds like the ramblings of a crazy person and I need to learn to articulate my thoughts and feelings in a way that makes sense" kinda way.
- guyssss The Notebook pleaseee TT
- I don't know why I've felt so crappy lately. I come home and just don't wanna do anything at all, so I keep falling asleep for hours and waking up around like 8-9pm. I just have no motivation, I feel like I'm so stuck but can't fix it. Ughhh
- I am WAY too fashionable to be this poor. Do you know how amazing my outfits would be if I had any money??? I'd probably have a bit of a different style, and more than the ~5 pairs of pants I wear on the regular. I really need a job.
- Apparently, my life's genre is gay romance/murder. I absolutely love this tbh.
- I think I wanna be a fashion designer. This is sort of a half-epiphany, becuase I've always thought fashion design would be cool, but I never saw myself actually doing it. But now that I've given it more thought, I'm really starting to think this might be what I want to do. I guess I should have seen this coming a bit more, since I enjoy wearing cute clothes and watching fashion YouTubers, but I'm kind of stupid okay. So yeah, I think I'm going to start researching that. Plus, I've read that studying fashion design has opportunities to go abroad, and I know I really want to travel in the future.
- Ok the carrot people are starting to really piss me off.
- The best off topic conversations come from history class. Today we argued about the amish.
- 1:22am, I'm just chilling here burning a candle and listening to some spooky kpop songs. It's pretty nice.
- Over the last few days my lunch table has been getting harassed by the table next to us. It's kinda funny because they're all really fucking stupid. I mean it's also hella annoying since they keep throwing their nasty carrots at us. They also said they identify as stop signs. Dumbasses
- Occasionally I'll just binge a crap ton of new music. Today is one of those times. I think I've liked over 50 new songs already and I have a bunch in my queue to listen to.
- I look like a complete zombie when I shower after having worn makeup. Beucase I already have dark circles, but then there's my poor job of washing my makeup off, so there's black smudges under my eyes too. I look scary.
- This was a week ago, but I haven't been on listography much for the past few days since I've been busy, but I'm still going to write about it becuase I believe it to be one of the happiest and most therapeutic experiences I've had in a long time, potentially ever. Last Monday was our long run day for xc practice, which means we had to run about 6 miles. It was really cold (perfect for running) and so me and my 2 other friends ran our first 3 miles before my one friend had to go back since she's recovering from injuries and such, but anyways, me and my other friend continued our run, taking turns playing songs. Shortly into our 4th mile, it started raining! In case you don't know, rain is my absolute favorite weather, and it's my friend's as well. So we kind of started smiling and giggling because of how nice it was, lmao. And it was so refreshing, it reminded me how therapeutic running can be. Anyways, between the temperature, the rain, the music, my friend, that was perhaps the best run I've ever gone on and one of the happiest times I've had in forever.
- Dearest Ray, I think you should post your poems on listography. I think poetry is (usually) really cool, and I'd like to try writing poetry, but I don't think I'd be any good at it. Obviously I've never really tried, but I'd rather just live vicariously through your poems. So yeah, you should put them on here.
- I keep really wanting to work on my graphics project...but I can't. Becuase it's on the mac at school. But making a polygon portrait is so theraputic, so zen. Plus I'm making it of Yeonjun from TXT, so looking at the picture of him is a bonus.
- Well, it was indeed the most hectic day I've had in a long time, but it was one of the most fun too! I totally slayed in my dress (even though I had to reapply my titty tape like 3 times lol). I also didn't get any sleep for almost 24 hours but....I was fine. Also, I was running behind getting ready for the dance because the Jr. High bus was an hour later than it was supposed to be to drop them off and take us home from the race, and then my dad was 30 minutes late to pick me up from behind the school. But, everything worked out, I got ready, we got pictures, then got Dunkin (bc Starbucks was closed, the audacity) and blasted Twice songs on the way to homecoming. And the dance itself was even more fun than last year! I got a lot of compliments which made me feel so happy. After the dance we went to Applebee's for dinner and then I slept over at Nicki's. So, I'm still recovering from how tired I am but it was totally worth it.
- Oh my god....tomorrow is going to be the most hectic day ever. I have to get up at 4:15 to get ready for my XC meet, get to school to get on the bus at 5:15 to drive two hours away, run my race, drive two hours home to get back at 1:30, go home and get cleaned up and ready for homecoming, do something and get pictures beforehand, go to the dance from 7-10, then go out to get dinner afterwards. Aaaah I'm freaking out this is going to be so insane, I'm gonna need some caffeine TT.
- Today a friend told me I look like a gay schoolgirl. Pretty accurate tbh.
- In need of ideas as to how to appease the ghost that has been sporadically making all the lights flicker over the last few months. It seems to be more agitated than usual lately. (For clarification RAY I obviously don't believe in ghosts, I was making a JOKE.)
- I have spent most of my time since I got home today drawing. Well kinda. Its mostly been me scrolling through Pinterest for hours on end searching for reference photos while I watch Danny Gonzales and Drew Gooden videos. I did eventually complete two drawings for my 3 pass sketching assignment. 3 of the 5 drawings I did of people were of kpop idols, but honestly who's suprised. Now I have to do 5 sketches of objects, but I kinda don't want to. Objects are boring, people are way more fun to draw! But, whatever, I still gotta do it, not like it's hard. Just boring. I also have like a million other personal art projects I have to complete, all of which have (mostly self-imposed) deadlines. Also a graphics project. But I can only work on that at school anyways. Plus I have like, actual homework for all my other classes to do too. But art is fun so I've been doing that instead.
- Oh my god I love my Amino friends so much. I sent them a picture of my homecoming dress since they wanted to see it, and they just said the sweetest things. I always enjoy talking to them, they're all a bunch of cuties.
- It's Saturday night, almost 2am, I'm just drawing fanart and vibing to some Twice songs, when a fucking MASSIVE NASTY SPIDER crawls under the side table. I don't know where it went. Please help me. What do I do if it comes back??? I can't even kill a stupid little daddy long leg, how am I supposed to kill this monster?? TT This is awful. ALSO a skunk just sprayed outside and it smells horribleeee
- In first period there are two things written on the back of the chair in front of me. "Big weiner cum" and "I'm gonna kms". Also in 3rd period "BUCK" is written on my desk. It reminds me of Buck by Woodz.
- VECTR IS STUPID, WHY IS THERE NO OTHER BETTER ONLINE PROGRAM???? ALSO LIKE WHERE TF EVEN ARE THE COMPUTERS???
- Lineart lineart lineart lineart lineart ughhhhhh
- Run Away by TXT is a huge comfort song for me. The music, the lyrics, the vocals, they all just hit so hard. I'm not saying I did but it is possible I may have started crying while listening and reading the lyrics last night-
- I think I'd make a good Australian. They have awesome accents and they swear a lot. Plus, koalas and kangaroos. Need I say more?
- Man, I really, really, really, desperately need a workspace. I don't even have a desk. Whenever I draw or do homework, I have to sit on the couch or at the kitchen table, neither of which are a- comfortable, or b- away from my stupid family (who I would prefer to avoid being around at all costs). I think I would be motivated to draw a lot more if I had a decent place to do it. Ig there's not really much I can do to fix it tho, so I'll just have to deal with the bad posture and neck pain lol.
- I wanna use my tattoo markers, I just don't know what to draw on myself. Plus since it's still warm out I expose a lot more skin, what if I draw something dumb and it's too hot out to cover it up. It's more that I just don't have any ideas tho.
- Look I know my favorite songs list is insanely long but I was actually trying to keep it condensed, I could genuinely include Stray Kids' entire discography, plus their SKZ Player & SKZ Record songs. I was holding back.
- Screw this, I don't care what you say, it's spooky season now whether you like it or not.
- GUYSSS STRAY KIDS RELEASED A NEW TRAILER AND OMGGG I CAN'T BREATHE I'M SO EXCITED IT LOOKS SO GOOD I CAN'T GET OVER IT YOU GUYS SHOULD WATCH IT I'M FANGIRLING SO HARD AAH-
- I really love how vastly different the aesthetics of our Listographies are. Ray = light, Maddie = fruity, me = spooky. I think they're all so cute and fit us perfectly.
- Thanks to my mom, I discovered a new hobby this weekend: car shopping! I sat down and was about to start doing my homework, but then my mom mentioned how I should start looking at cars I might be interested in. Originally I thought it would be awesome to have a jeep for a first car, but it turns out they're very expensive, so it's very unlikely that I'll get one. But, I'm not upset at all because I thought they would be that way. My mom says she could see me in a Buick Encore, which is basically a smaller version of our car (a Buick Enclave, which I refer to as the mom car). I looked at Carvana, and my mom says that they're in a reasonable price range if my dad pays for some of it and I can cover the rest with money I have in the bank and if I get a job to cover the car payment, which I have absolutely no issue with doing. I'm hoping if I get one, I can get a 2017-2018 becuase they started putting the screens in the dash in the 2017 model, lol. Plus the 2017-2018s are usually within the price my mom said would probably be good. I just really like the screen for playing Spotify, and I know I'll be doing that every single time I drive, might as well do it nicely. Plus I wanna get a car from carvana becuase I want to go to one of those cool car vending machines. Anyways, I never did get that homework done.
- I really want to show my mom all my kpop fanart, but I also really don't. I do because it's something I'm really proud of and have worked hard on to improve, but I don't want her to make fun of it for the way they look. Because obviously kpop idols look very different from your typical American "manly man" that she's more into. She's always so nice but I just know she'll make fun of it. I also haven't shown her my kpop albums yet for this same reason. Idk, I really should just show her but I'm self conscious.
- My brother is a literal monster. I was nice enough to split my spicy kimchi noodles with him, and you know what he had to drink with it? A freaking caramel macchiato. With spicy kimchi noodles. I'm going to end him one of these days I swear.
- I think that Listography should have a wall tab on people's profiles like Amino. I love wallspamming people with kpop idols on Amino, and I would absolutely love to wallspam Ray and Maddie with kpop idols or just silly things on here. I know they would definetely love it too :)
- Do you want to know what my #1 crying song is? No? I don't care, I'm going to tell you anyways because there's a kind of funny story that goes along with it. My #1 crying song is Hero's Soup by Stray Kids. Now, I don't think I would have expected this to be my top song to cry to, but one night I was laying in bed listening to music (as I do every night) and Hero's Soup came on my Spotify. I suddenly started crying TT. I don't know why, I mean I cry a lot but I wasn't in a sadder mood than any other night, but apparently Hero's Soup just hit me very hard that night lmao. Is it also slightly concerning that my top crying song suddenly jumped to one of my most streamed songs over the last 4 weeks? No, not at all, not even a little bit, what are you talking about.
- Dearest Maddie, WHERE IS THE NOTEBOOK??? Sorry to be so aggressive, but oh my god I'm craving creating stuff in The Notebook rn. (I literally wrote this and little while later Maddie updated me on the Notebook situation so I'm sorry lol)
- I did a thing on kpop amino today where you comment and they would rate your theme and guess your aesthetic, and they gave me an 8/10 (they said they really loved it) and guessed the my aesthetic was "dark academia and goth? Maybe vintage but more on the vampire side?" And while that isn't my irl aesthetic, I think it would totally be amazing if it were, because I loooove that kind of vibe. Hopefully one day lol. I definetely don't dress like that, not because I don't want to but because I don't really have anything that suits that vibe in my wardrobe atm. But I have always loved darker aesthetics. They're definitely one of if not my favorite.
- Finally decided to make a listography! It's all thanks to Ray. Not sure what I'll be doing with it but I thought it'd be fun. Probably a lot about kpop.
sep 1 2022 ∞
feb 6 2024 +