• (386): I thought Monday through Wednesday was a YOLO free zone
  • (310): I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient
  • (603): As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
  • (843): there needs to be a "man fax report." Like car fax. Type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
  • (973): I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
  • (305): false alarm. Still invincible.
  • (760): don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on tho the next.
  • (925): Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
  • (413): I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of daycare driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
  • (774): I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
  • (216): Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
  • (904): I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded.
  • (617): I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
  • (124): Last night my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are and it doesn't upset me at all.
jun 13 2012 ∞
jun 13 2012 +