also known as: my eye candy.

• Matty McKibben Lookalike
• The One Who Comes In Late Daily
• That Other One
• Tattooed Kicker
• Hipster Soccer Boy
• Other Matt
• Florida
• Dumb Puppy / etc
• Canadian Matt
• International Soccer Guy
• Blue Jays Hat
• Extremely Attractive Dude
• Pie
• Blue Eyes
• Hottie
• Mr. Perfect
• Crazy Drunk Football Player With Nice Arms
• Aussie Angus