• "Oh my gosh, I'd like have sex with somebody for a Caramel Frappacino"

(talking about Starbucks)

• "I'm not gonna lie...girls putting on mascara before they go out - turns me on"

(Bret Michaels impersonation)

• "Maybe if you stop giving out hand-jobs out like candy..."
• "I have to pee. Does that turn you on?"
• "Send him gay porn and tell him 'this is what we could be if both had penises.' But wait...he already has one..."