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"ayo suga,
do you remember when we came here three years ago?
when you and i were always at each others' necks,
the walls, bathroom tiles, and veranda were all colored blue."

dee follows:
  • (shuake, canon divergent) | the private life of a private detective

Three months after Shido's confession and Akira's release, Goro Akechi attempts to rewrite himself in the Czech Republic.

//

when he comes to, there's rain dripping down one side of his face, mixing with the blood and spit dribbling down his chin and staining the perfect white of his uniform-- soaked, ripped in most places, nothing like the pristine detective prince he had worked so hard to become. it smells moldy, like old trash, almost stomach-curling, but goro's become a part of the mess, his back slouched sloppily against the brick wall of the dark alley he woke up in, hands cold and gloveless in the rain.

his mind is still elsewhere, his ears numbed by the blare of distant sirens and white noise. he might have given into the lure of the heavy weights upon his eyelids had he not been nudged back into consciousness by a perfect leather shoe that juts him in the ribs, sending a stream of pain shooting through his entire body. he tries to groan, but it comes out as a splutter, the heavy taste of blood filling his mouth to the brim as it escapes his lips, joining the pool of rainwater that streams down his chest, piercing through his clothes. goro looks into the eyes of niijima sae, who stands tall above him, sharing her umbrella with his downtrodden body.

"look at what you've become, akechi goro." he barely registers her voice, scoffs once he deciphers her words.

"what do you mean? i've always been this-- this..." <i> worthless.</i>

ideas / its against everything sae stands for, and goro hates it, hates being an exception, being treated like a special case, but just as he feels the anger and bile raise into his throat, sae scoffs at him, tells him not to get cocky, that she owes someone a favour, that she made a promise. (is it makoto or is it haru or is it akira?); he arrives in prague, all cobblestone and sepia walls and intricate carvings that see through him and all of his guilt, and all the coffee shops with white ceilings and glass walls that look nothing like leblanc but smell just like him, and goro’s chest hurts like the embers of a fallen flame on skin, but his fear of admitting it scares him more than any burns would; his rehabilitation begins, but he's pretty sure he's doing it wrong-- he sits in his apartment, paid for each month by sae (through roundabout means he'd surely understand if he tried, but thinking about himself and his wellbeing and how little he deserves it makes him sick, exhausts him, so he doesn't) painted an unnerving, sterile white, with pale wooden floors and see-through white curtains, overlooking a small cobblestone square only a few paces wide, a single potted plant on his windowsill to keep him company in the silence; something urges him to move, so he finds a coffee shop, its named barry's and barely sits more than 10 people at once, but they make a cheesecake unlike anything goro's tasted before, reminiscent of the cakes he'd bitterly, pitifully bought for himself on special days like his birthday, or scoring within the top 5 in an exam... little, stupid, mundane things, and the satisfaction he found in reveling in said things was even stupider. so why did he keep going back?; it takes some time to get adjusted, but there's a heavy sense of comfort that comes with knowing you are unknown, that you have no responsibilities, that you can come back when you're ready, that you aren't even obligated to. but as he walks across charles bridge, crispy fall air nibbling at the tip of his nose and his face awash with the colours of the sunset, he reminds himself that longing is a feeling that exists, that somewhere inside of him, he remembers. but it isn't time yet, he's not ready to turn around-- so he walks forward.

it's been four or five months since he's last breathed tokyo's air. nobody remembers him, but that's the least of his problems, is more of a relief;

jul 24 2017 ∞
nov 2 2019 +