• What worries me about my future?
  • I have talked about this before here that I have been struggling with finishing schoolworks. I am still struggling until now and it worries me because I am a graduating student (junior high school). I haven't submitted any works in most of my subjects. It worries me that I might need to go and repeat this grade level because of my failing and blank marks.
• Have I done anything that's worth remembering?
  • None. My day has been mundane. Nothing new. I usually try to finish my schoolworks and fail to do so. I feel a lack of concentration and I can't put my thoughts into words. This is also one of the reasons why I am blogging. Though, I would want to practice in my native language and write about my day using it. Maybe I can try to translate it too. I don't know when is that gonna start, but I would want that to happen.
• Have I made someone smile today?
  • I send posts that I find funny to my closest friend. Hopefully, it makes her smile at least.
• What have I given up on?
  • I really have a hard time admitting this, but I feel like I just gave up giving a damn about my schoolworks. I can't work on them properly even though I actually try. It's just I am getting tired of sitting down everyday, trying to finish my works, but just ending up not doing anything.
• How will I live, knowing that I will d-word?
  • I sensored the word just in case someone who reads this might get triggered. I have already accepted the concept of life and death. I know that one day, I will be gone. Everyone of us will. It's just someone will go first. I live and I just enjoy everytime I have. If I d-word today, then I would really not care. Don't get me wrong, I am not suicidal. I have never thought of hurting myself. It's just if I'm gone, then I'm gone.
• Is it more important to love or to be loved?
  • To love is something that I am afraid to do. This is terrifying to me, actually. It sounds so dramatic, but I really don't want to fall in love. I don't want to come to a point where my happiness depends on the presence of a person. I have said this before and I am gonna say it again, I want to be my own source of happiness. Now, to answer the question. Is it more important to love or to be loved? When you love, you should be loving yourself and the person said. To be loved is loving yourself and the person said. To me, it is more important to love. Not just to love someone, but to love yourself. If you love someone, you will never know whether the person will recirpocate the feelings. I am not saying that feelings should be reciprocated every single time. But, when you love yourself, you're being loved and being the one who loves.
• Who has had the greatest impact on my life?
  • I don't know anyone who had an impact in my life. I think the question should be more of like what had the greatest impact on my life. 2021, I thought, would be the toughest year. I was able to get through it. I learned a lot of life lessons, I was able to reflect deeply on topics that I thought was shallow. I was able to change my mindset. One of which are believing that some people are just purely lazy and doesn't want to do anything. I realized that those people could be going through what I am going through. They might be dealing with something serious which makes them unable to focus and work properly. I was judging the type of person I was now before. I used to judge them because of their lack of effiency. I am now what I had judged before and I realized not everyone is in the right and well mental state to deal with these. They may not be really lazy, they are just unhappy forcing themselves to do things they don't enjoy.
• Would I break the law to save a loved one?
  • If this is pertaining to the person being in like a frame-up situation, then no. I would rather go through it legally. If I break the law to save a loved one, then we both will need to be saved later on. But if this is pertaining to the person being in danger and a way I could save them is breaking a law, then maybe I will? Hopefully, that action could be put into consideration later on.
• Am I thinking negative thoughts before I fall asleep?
  • I do my very best to cleanse my mind from negativity every second I am awake. Whenever I'm upset, I do what I can to get my thoughts positive again.
• Am I using my time wisely?
  • Definitely not. As I have said again and again, I lack concentration, I can't put my thoughts into words when I really need to and I am having difficulty speaking in my native language.
• Am I taking anything for granted?
  • I have been taking granted the extra time my subject teachers have given me to finish my schoolworks and submit them. They have given us so much consideration. I haven't done anything, but I really am trying. I am fully aware that they also need time to grade and rest. I actually wish to not be a burden to them by submitting my works. It's just I really can't.

02/23/22 | 12:18 AM