i can't believe the only thing that'll force me to make an entry here is my one of my insecurities: my teeth, my crooked teeth.

it isn't bothering me that much, not until a few minutes ago, when i was putting on a lip product. i was looking at myself in the mirror. while looking, i saw my crooked teeth. i hate it, i hated it, and i hope to accept it someday. when will i be able to afford to avail braces? i badly want to earn money. i want to be financially stable, because i know she wouldn't care about these things.

i wish to have a non-neglectful 'parent' figure. i hate to make this about her, but it just diverted to this topic.

i am entering senior high this year. we were not told to buy a uniform yet since we have a new set of uniform and it hasn't been approved yet. we were to were a white top and jeans, trousers, or jogging pants. i told her that. i think i'll only wear the ones i bought for this school year. she won't buy me any, not even shoes nor a new bagpack.

a few days before our graduation, she bought my brother an expensive toy and a new pair of shoes. the shoes was worth more than 600 pesos. my brother wore it to his graduation. while me, i wore my 99 pesos shoes to the ceremony. the shoes weren't at its best shape, but it could still serve its purpose. i keep telling myself that i didn't need that, my shoes still served me well. and now, i'm tearing up.

i hate this. i really do. i forgot all my pent up hatred towards her, because i was distracted. he distracted me, until today. writing an entry awakened the neglected soul in me who dedicated many blogs about her. however, i still feel thankful that this happened. it has been my goal for a couple of weeks now, to write an entry again. i was able to assess my feelings and thoughts, and hopefully, i'll be able to continue to do so.

for now, i'll end it at that. maybe i'll write about him in the next entry.

08/25/23 | 01:04 p.m.