it has been in my mind since. i feel like that my 'mom' only feeds me, gives me shelter, etc. is because she sees me as an investment. she gives me these just so in the future, she'll benefit from me. she insist that she's doing this so i graduate and have a good life that she didn't have. but do i really believe her? after everything and every lie that she said? i can't trust her.

i have never felt and seen her proud of me. never seen her try to understand my situation, thoughts and decisions. when i told her that i wanted to go back to the last year of junior high school, the only thing she did was force me to do works i wish i understood. i don't have the capacity others have. i barely feel cared for in this household. seven years ago, i was a very affectionate child. i would post how much i love and adore her. as time flies by, i do feel like i am just a mere investment.

i just noticed in the past years that i have been living with her, she never really takes care of our well-being. never really cares. when i was a lot younger, maybe four or five, whenever i'd ask her about something, she'd always get annoyed. that made me stop asking too much questions. even till this day, i still don't ask too much. i just want to avoid any contact with her. i never will safe and at home with her.

usually, families eat dinner. but us? we don't. since she's on a diet. her decisions matter, but ours don't.

i was planning to atleast buy foods for us to celebrate mother's day tomorrow. but i think i won't be doing that anymore. she doesn't deserve an appreciation. mothers care for their child's well-being, and she doesn't. she's a mother in papers and biologically, but not by heart.

05/07/22 | 10:14 p.m.