| |
- 21 , dressed in holy robes; i have blood on me.
- welcome to my online journal. here, you can find my poetry, thoughts, ideas, and general spill of my brain.
- i don't expect anyone to find this - some of it is personal. i am just a ghost inside the screen.
- i know that you have a halo, too
- i will be there with you when it comes to an end.
-
- thanks for stopping by
sep 9 2019 ∞
dec 5 2021 +
- yeah, im going to stop talking to you.
- why though?
- because thats what you did to me
- i didnt stop talking to you, i just needed time to adjust
- okay but the entire time i was with you i was adjusting. im not expecting you to be like me or anything, nor am i expecting the same actions that i displayed. but a simple conversation would be nice. anything at this point. i wore my heart on my stupid sleeve for you! and you just turned around and left me as subhuman. i know you have no idea what that feels like. its hard for me to comprehend it because i know the feeling all too well. youre welcome for your job back.
- i dont even know what you would say here
- i feel like i had no true progression this year. i hate myself because of the time i spent with you. itll pass. i love you ...
dec 27 2022 ∞
dec 27 2022 +
- it's with a heavy heart that i recognize falling in and falling out are the same.
- afraid to be in love with so much inside me
- not able to express it
- mumbles and grunts
- hoping you can read my mind
- a slap in the face when i shed tears over my boring life
- uber drivers mom died
- todd is still on the street
- 40 degrees outside and all i can do is give him a burrito
- i want those new feelings to last forever
- they never once have for me until now
- i couldnt describe what its like to not feel worthy or belonging
- an analogy ...
- fawns and does killed by machines
- bread and butter on the table untouched
nov 21 2022 ∞
nov 21 2022 +
- i wish writing in this journal was easier,
- as it is with every sunset that i miss
- sun wearing city mask when i step outside
- golden purple , i wish i could describe it to you
may 13 2021 ∞
may 13 2021 +
- my hands aren't too pretty, they've pulled the trigger a few times - escaped bare legs shaking in the cold. in the snow they collected the rotten piss dirt, mistaken for skin when the cold shakes you ... (like that)
-
- i forget about you sometimes and then you always return.
mar 5 2021 ∞
mar 5 2021 +
- an angel bite on my hand, 333 red punctures given to me in my sleep
- its a mark of good faith when the wounds aren't deep
- i see them out there every night when i'm driving home, tall like oaks
- any animal who bares their teeth is waiting for the taste of blood
- this one can drain me
mar 5 2021 ∞
mar 5 2021 +
- for you, prince.
- it was when you were picking apples outside of the castle walls, collecting them dismissively in your basket. i remember how the thin silk blanket fell in the crevice of your shoulder blades. your hands, reaching for the apples - you snapped them right out of the tree. i had always known the trick to twisting them at the stem for an easy snatch. you wasted no time, and you didn't care how far the branches would shoot into the air after being catapulted by your hands. you didn't care when the leaves would prick you on the face, the twigs twisting in your hair and weaving it into its own silk blanket.
- royalty questioned the prince's morals and objectives. our prince was not a communicator, and often sat in his room studying agriculture and how to make tea out of common herbs and spices. he began growing...
feb 11 2021 ∞
feb 11 2021 +
- writing about you again, because i haven't seen you recently. a lot of ideas have been floating in my head for sometime now. i wonder if you are a singular person. i wonder if perhaps, you are a lost sibling that i have never encountered. if so, i wonder if this person dreams of me as well? many ideas, many mysteries. i remember seeing you in my last meditation, but you were cold to me. i can't bring myself to dedicate time to getting to know you, i hate living in capitalism. i promise you that we will engage in conversation. i know you are either living, another half of me, or a spirit that has clutched to me. perhaps you are the god of me. either way, i think about you a lot.
-
- on another topic, my legs have grown hair. it is good. i am trying to be more excited about my progress rather than compare...
feb 11 2021 ∞
feb 11 2021 +
- as you grow and experience time lapses and different eras of life you begin to see the manifestation of interests and stories that you loved as a child. music, movies, comics and books are all resources i had for putting the pieces together of what my life would be. it's like puzzle pieces. being young was a terrible time for me. i was alone a lot, i also was mad often. this is not the time to try to pry into my memories, lmao. i can't do that right now.
- what i was saying though, i do believe that every source of media i held dear to my heart encoded its way into events and the sequences of my life. perhaps it's because i subconsciously hold these stories in my head and therefor the decisions i make could loosely be based off of them.
- it's different when it comes to horror media, and tht's something i need to try an...
dec 26 2020 ∞
dec 27 2020 +
- i want to hear your voice and feel your presence again. humans are skeptical about the way i found you, i don't know how to confront the idea that i don't know who you are
- but you're with me
- and every second in those dreams, the way you smelled and tasted
- golden light shattered in daydream effects, taking place point five seconds compared to the speed of light ; altered
- i don't know if i'll ever make much sense
- we died together, i know. sometimes it seems like you're what i'm searching for and other times it feels like i have become delusional
- i search for you in other humans, not knowing what that means
- keeping a secret safe in my heart i hope to hear you breathe
dec 26 2020 ∞
dec 26 2020 +
- it feels like the woods are where we should have met
- beyond the veil and what is usually thin
- thick with undertoe
- you pressing on my chest
-
- admiring hands is not your worst trait, if anything its how you disregard your capacity to feel emotion; how do you play string instruments, by the way?
- it happened again -
- the unfamiliar smells, hallucinatory and the sense of longing
- i feel like you're trying to get through to me and i can't figure it out.
dec 25 2020 ∞
dec 25 2020 +
- writing this from my castle, modern royalty has me listening to 1000 years piano cover while i sit and write by the candle
- it makes me yearn : one person, one thing, comfort in another pair of eyes.
- it's a sacrifice, a reality. a true one.
- i can't stay awake to really know.
- i would love to love, but i can't hang on.
- i'm better off alone
- ^ what i would have posted on myspace 10 years ago
- .....
- i'm a lazy mess
dec 20 2020 ∞
dec 20 2020 +
- (12/18/20)
- ive waited to think about what i should get on my arm but now i know it'll be you and the cicada
- it will say a lot about life and death, i think
- i got into another argument with someone about life and death again -
- i just don't understand the ego we feel, i struggle to get it. other people's especially, because everybody's is different. is it a separate version of us .. maybe a shift of instinct and personality forming together. it's like the egg of those two things. what opinions and ideas do we have about ourselves that is built by the ego, that ultimately forms us to have shitty relationships with others, and most importantly: you know everything.
- this is a discussion with religion as the subject, so of course this scenario is s...
dec 16 2020 ∞
dec 19 2020 +
- 12/12/1212
- took a while to get back to this and im still tired
- found something in the air and held it in a bottle
- learned that anything without form cannot be trapped
- figured out that my body is all i have and my eyes will be big forever
- watching you , and we'll find ourselves enriched by quantum entanglement
- carved i know nothing into my skin
- it stayed
dec 13 2020 ∞
dec 13 2020 +
- six wings floating above the city , the eye of the storm - 6 ? 10 ? 14 ? 18 ? eyes
- with faces written in code we forgot how to decipher
- once we existed to sing choir , string instruments easily manipulated
- if you kill; destroy, glass and fire, you'll still hear it through the intervals of your diabolic destruction but you never identified with the word angel
- when you are stable; choking, holy water and sea salt, you'll hear it through the intervals of your gentle fixation on your own lungs and sword
- this cough won't go away the wine stains stay
- it'll just become blood in the morning
aug 16 2019 ∞
sep 9 2019 +
- remember red wine stains
- blood draining in the kitchen sink
- the next time you try and think
- about what you haven't done right or everything you've done wrong
- perhaps about what you couldn't save or what you could kill
- purple skin dyed from the bottle , bones poking through thin fabric
- heavy wings, it's tough to go on, you're a monster with sharp teeth and a drastic need to drink
- red wine
- coming out of the faucet sink
- poured onto your face , when you wake up in the morning, tooth brush sudden decay, you'll begin to hear voices by the end of it
- don't come running when you think of it ,
- heavy wings a need to drink , blood comin...
sep 4 2019 ∞
sep 9 2019 +
- A floating skull in front of me - big and brown. His eyes are dismissed and he's missing a few teeth. I ask if it's from old age. He doesn't laugh, instead he drops three more. Blood drips from the two bloody holes where a tooth once lived. I pick up the three teeth and I put them on my bookshelf. The skull comes once a night to my room - I know he is here when I can feel electric waves pulsating through my bones. For a long time I never registered that the feeling of him was because of his presence. He follows me and I have become used to his company. I never named him because he won't talk to me. The attachment I feel to him is that of a parent or guardian. I believe he is my guardian angel but I never told him that.
sep 15 2019 ∞
sep 18 2019 +
- when i'm asking the bartender the question about the way you kiss,
- i'm mostly meaning the feeling of the way the fork lifts
- the ghost made of streetlamp sigh
- referring to the nightstand and the single lamp light
- i want to go 80 again when the swan hits, her wings reflective of the diamonds in your wrists
may 12 2020 ∞
may 12 2020 +
- inside of your garden i found your reason
- the fountain raining blue, i crawled inside and hoped it'd seep through my skin
- the flowers blooming in winter indicate how your specter opened and closed with the seasons
- the white painted house with a screen porch, wind chimes announce that you're home, i'm home
- i'm home
dec 22 2020 ∞
dec 24 2020 +
|
|