Eighteen, Nineteen, Twenty, Twenty-One. I think I'm starting this a little earlier than the past few years? Not sure. But without further ado, it's around twelve hours to the 9th, and here is the list of who I am, as of 8th August 2016:

• Important things first: finally at the age where I can sing that Taylor Swift song and have it be accurate
• God, I don't even know where to begin with this list... stuff has been crazy since the day I turned 21 and I've gone through too much shit to recount, but for some reason I have a smile on my face as I begin my attempt
• It seems a little silly to describe appearances when little has changed, so I'll condense this into one point: long hair at a reasonable length (probably not going to change this anymore), no more bangs though, the same two pairs of glasses, no new piercings, OH but like five new tattoos so that's seven in total
• Last-hours-of-twenty, that job turned out not to be that simple
• I was pretty apprehensive about driving for a few months, but after a good talk with one of my favourite aunts I took the chance and found out I sort of like driving
• Last-hours-of-twenty, I'm sorry you weren't happy during those moments before you slipped away. If it's any proof that life goes on, I'm happy right now (update, nine hours after writing this point: never be openly happy about anything because it will bite you in the ass, I guess? That's all I'm going to say)
• That twenty-one would be better than twenty was a promise I was never in control to make in the first place, and that plea at the last point of twenty's list is a line that breaks my heart because twenty-one was hard. But I'm getting ahead of myself; milestones first:
• I graduated in June. It was sort of an ordeal on that day, but I'm slowly learning to be thankful for the past four years of studying business
• I'm still trying to finish my thesis, and it's stupid hard
• I worked for ten months in a poster shop, and I'd like to think it gave me a ton of exposure (especially in terms of talking to strangers)
• Nearing the end of my stint there, my bag and all its highly precious contents got stolen, and words cannot express the hell I went through in the days after so I'm not going to talk more about it
• In happier news, I got to go to a city I've always loved from afar: New York. And for the first time, I finally met two dear friends in person, both of whom I've known on the internet for seven to nine years, so that was amazingly special
• Anxiety-wise I'm in a tricky place; meaning that this year has really taken a toll on me (especially when mental illness started to affect my work) and I've asked for help more than once but the people I rely on have not come through and I'm just as meds-less as ever
• I have come closer to loving my art again than I would've thought possible after losing the ability when I was maybe thirteen or fourteen
• And as a result of that, I've got a couple of things lined up right now. I'm vague because I don't want to label them, so let's just leave it at art, exposure, and community
• I still struggle with loneliness a lot. Sometimes I feel like it will be the only constant in my life. I've been keeping it buried underneath my subconscious because I'm sick of having a victim mentality and brooding over something I can't control till I waste away but at the same time I can't help but wonder if this method is any less unhealthy? I don't know
• This year I set my reading challenge to 100 books. I don't know why, new years tend to have that effect on you where you believe you can do anything I guess. I'm currently sort of behind, but if I try I think I can make it. This is probably the last year I can do this sort of thing in anyway so I might as well make it count
• I guess what this all comes down to is that I'm just as full of pain and happiness in short bursts and art as I ever was. "Part longing, part sorrow, part hope." (I should get that tattooed sometime in my life.) All I can say is that I want to believe I will be okay. That this is not for nothing.
• Happy birthday to me.