I'm really taking things one day at a time.

I don't think I've ever had this feeling before.. like my heart has fallen out of my chest and its bleeding on the floor and I'm dragging my entrails along as I walk, stepping on my heart with each step, pounding it harder and harder into the dirt. I'm watching myself do this, like an out-of-body experience.

I feel grey most of the time.. like I'm lying on the edge of the beach where the water reaches for the shore, sand sticking on my skin, and the slow ripples are creeping up on my throat. The water isn't murky, but its grey and cold.. the sun isn't shining.. Paralyzed but my mind is oddly clear, aware of each second before the next crash of waves comes.

He's fine.. probably has a date tonight..