So here I am again. I'm laying in bed at three in the morning on Youtube distracting myself from you. I hate the word you sometimes. I hate when you always means someone new. I look at your instagram a hundred times a day you without exaggeration you, but I refuse to cry over you you. I don't remember the last time I cried. (Well obviously not including in the theater last week because of the Disney film...) But I really don't remember the last time I sat down and cried, it was probably a month ago or so. I feel like I feel less the older I get. Well, I actively try to feel less because the pain isn't worth it anymore. I used to feel like if something was painful then it was worth more. If I loved someone and it was painful to love them but I didn't give up, then that meant that my love was stronger. But what I keep bumping into time and time again is that people, or you, whoever the hell you are, you're not gonna love me. Because I'm just a spot. And don't get me wrong, I love being a spot so don't try to interrupt and tell me I'm not a spot or that I'm a special spot because that defeats the purpose of being "just a spot". I like the spot of a person I am most of the time. But I'm getting off track. The point is, you're not gonna love me. I wonder if you ever did. But that's fine. Overall, I'm so much better off without you that it seems crazy that I wasted so much time on you. You're much better off too I'm sure, why did we keep each other miserable for so long? I guess it's just another lesson I had to learn. Well, I broke my rule for you and I said I loved you and I was pathetic and fought with you and I was the only one who gave a damn and at the end of the day, I'm not ashamed of that. I will go into 2017 with A New Hope. heheh.