• Get some sleep.
• Eat an orange every morning.
• Be friendly. It will help make you happy.
• Hope for everything. Expect nothing.
• Take care of things close to home first. Straighten up your room before you save the world. Then save the world. Be nice to people before they have a chance to behave badly.
• Don’t stay angry about anything for more than a week, but don’t forget what made you angry. Hold your anger out at arm’s length and look at it, as if it were a glass ball. Then add it to your glass ball collection.
• Wear comfortable shoes.
• Do not spend too much time with large groups of people.
• Plan your day so you never have to rush.
• Show your appreciation to people who do things for you, even if you have paid them, even if they do favors you don’t want.
• After dinner, wash the dishes.
• Calm down.
• Don’t expect your children to love you, so they can, if they want to.
• Don’t be too self-critical or too self-congratulatory.
• Don’t think that progress exists. It doesn’t.
• Imagine what you would like to see happen, and then don’t do anything to make it impossible.
• Forgive your country every once in a while. If that is not possible, go to another one.
• If you feel tired, rest.
• Don’t be depressed about growing older. It will make you feel even older. Which is depressing.
• Do one thing at a time.
• If you burn your finger, put ice on it immediately. If you bang your finger with a hammer, hold your hand in the air for 20 minutes. you will be surprised by the curative powers of ice and gravity.
• Do not inhale smoke.
• Take a deep breath.
• Do not smart off to a policeman.
• Be good.
• Be honest with yourself, diplomatic with others.
• Do not go crazy a lot. It’s a waste of time.
• Drink plenty of water. When asked what you would like to drink, say, “Water, please.”
• Take out the trash.
• Love life.
• Use exact change.
• When there’s shooting in the street, don’t go near the window.”

— Ron Padgett, “How To Be Perfect”