today is July 16th 2025. I am in my mom's bed right now flipping through movies, trying to find something to watch. she's in Utah right now with Sunny and Emily for a Sunrider thing. She said it's all Korean Mormons there, and that this guy thought she was Mormon for some reason. My mom thinks Koreans have giant heads and faces, like model faces but sculpted and huge. I don't remember you having any strong opinions on Koreans. Grandma, I miss you so much, I don't know what to do with all of how it feels a lot of the time. I'm going to apply to dental school next Spring and I'm getting my hours in at an office by my mom's. I'm doing well in school, and starting an internship where I get to date artifacts from Peru and Greece in a lab. I just wish I could say something to you. Even if you didn't respond, just to know you heard me. I think about that a lot. Sometimes I make mistakes and forget you have died--a few times recently (past few months) I've almost reached for my phone to call you and tell you something, and it's such a weird, weird, terrible feeling to realize I cannot. Though I still do not believe The Truth, I understand the appeal. I don't feel equipped for 'real' life. If it were truly up to me, and I could live without worrying about money, I would be a hairdresser or maybe a private chef. I'm excited for dental school and my prospective career, though I wish research paid more--maybe I'd stay in anthropology then. I talked to Sandra a lot this beach house. Sometimes I hug her to smell her hair because it smells like you--like Sunrider, like Sunbreeze oil. Joe is just awful. I haven't seen Chuck in a long, long time. Do you know I still can't get through many movies we used to watch together? Snow White, The Wizard of Oz, Sleeping Beauty. Sometimes me and grandpa watch Turner Classics on TV and just the sounds of muffled audio, crackling, and the orchestral score makes it hard to get through because it reminds me of being snuggled in bed with you, drifting off to smells of popcorn. I was never hot at your house. Somehow the bedroom was always the perfect temperature. Do you remember the blue and white Chinoiserie wallpaper/decal you had in the kitchen before it flooded and had to be redone? I wish I could find a picture of it online. I don't think you approve of tattoos but I want to get one soon, and Sydney said we could maybe go together. I want something for you. Though I have pictures, texts, voicemails, memories, and you in my DNA, I just thought it would be nice. One day when I die, or when I'm very old, I'll have a little story map on my body. If Paradise is real, maybe I'll be resurrected without any of them. I think most of the family would be more pleased with that :) Sydney has a big tattoo on her back. Valerie died recently, and Kenny spoke at her memorial. He cried a lot, it was hard to watch. Sami works at the hospital with me in pharmacy and we are trying to find a time to hang out. Well, I miss you. I find little ways to be close to you every day. Sometimes I eat more vegetables because I think of you. I've perfected my white rice and eat it a lot with eggs, peas, carrots, green onions, and sometimes broccoli. I really love cabbage these days, too. I steam it and eat it plain sometimes, but the smell is really terrible so I haven't been doing it in this weather. God, I miss you. It's worse every year instead of better. If we could go to the movies sometime, that would be lovely, but all the movies that are out right now aren't looking very good. Alex and I went to Harkins tonight and ate popcorn. I am very sad. Sorry for dumping all of this on you. It feels like the only way to deal right now. I love you gramma. See you sometime again.