"It's like there are people you can like and control how much you like them, right? But then there are other people, people who when you're with them you can't--you can't make yourself safe. And it feels great but it's also kind of--"

"Scary."

______

"I met her and suddenly I was overwhelmed with... well, everything. Every time I was around her, it was like I couldn't think past her. I'd never felt like that before and it felt really great and really fucking scary at the same time."

"And now?"

"It's still scary sometimes. But mostly it's just really great."

______

Talking about someone who makes you happy actually makes you happy. Being happy makes you want to talk, to go over everything, to share it so you can remember it all over again.

_______

The reality of that, of how everyone totally looks up to Dave, reminds me that I'm supposed to be the lucky one. He wants to be with me, and if I never feel overwhelmed with happiness when I'm with him, I'm also never sad, never worried. But still, as we're walking, his hand clasping mine, I realize that the way I'm feeling now would have felt fine a while ago. Maybe a little boring, but fine. But now it's not enough.

Now that I've felt more, I want to keep feeling that way. Even if it does scare me a little. Or a lot.

______

"I'm totally fine."

"I want more for you than that. I want you to be happy."

______

"You should see your face when you talk about Evan," she says. "You really like him, don't you?"

______

He'll be the perfect guy for someone, someday, but he was never perfect for me, and I lied to him, to myself, for no other reason than that I was scared.