• I forced myself to be complacent and happy with everything. If I didn't mind the people who had power over me, it wouldn't hurt when they used it. Even when it wasn't fair.
  • It wasn't fair.
    • IT WASN'T FAIR.
• There was no magical coming-together of the class under Nanami-san's gentle guiding hand. She didn't fix anything, because I wouldn't admit it was broken.
  • It was just a funny quirk of mine.
    • It was that or hate them all, alright, and lose everything I worked for.
• All I wanted was a nice quiet hospital of my own, everything under my control because I knew the most, because I was the sm...

• It was the happiest I've ever been.
  • I was miserable, and it was ugly.
    • But it was the first time I ever truly felt free.
• She saved my life.

• Hinata.
  • He was... genuinely nice to me, for him. It was weird. Sometimes I think about it and get upset, and sometimes I don't.
• The murders.
  • Oh, I remember those!
  • I'm just glad I had the chance to string Saionji up like the pig she was.

• Sorry, what? No. I died.
  • Big needle, remember?
  • It went into space.
  • Genuinely traumatic.
  • Instant brain death.

LEFT

• Pre-despair.
• Post-despair.
• Island life.
• Waking up.

RIGHT

• Romance.
• Classmates.
• Personal.

CENTER

• Disclaimer.
• Content warnings.
• Relevant fanart.

I should put the kin disclaimer above these, first. I'm not Japanese, and I'm not claiming to be. I know saying Tsumiki is "literally me" makes it sound like I am, or I'm ignoring that she's Japanese, which I promise I'm not. In personality and lived experience of abuse she is eerily like me, though, and seeing me-as-her get to be loved and forgiven in canon has literally helped me to manage my eating disorder.

• graphic self harm
• gendered slurs
• suicide
• manipulation
• medical abuse
• dubious consent

• Junko, obviously.
  • She loved me.
  • She did, she loved me.
  • She was so beautiful, and she was so perfect. She knew when to be kind, even if canon refuses to prove that. She did.
    • She'd run her fingers through my hair and listen to everything I said and tell me that it was okay to be angry and she never took it back. Do you understand? She said it was okay for me to be everything and nasty and pretty and TOO MUCH and it was never too much for her. It never made her sick. It never made her pity me.
• Izuru, I think?
  • He's definitely attractive to me now, so.
  • I think it's the same reason I'm attracte...

• Saionji.
  • oh that bitch
• Nanami.
• The rest were probably there too.

• Looks.
  • I didn't work with my hair down. I was always really careful to make sure nothing was too short to get pulled back when it needed to be.
    • High school medical committee stuff doesn't really involve much need for serious surgery mode, though. It was all injections and broken bones.
  • I kind of liked getting my outfits stained. Not with... Not with food, or ink, but when people came in properly injured and I could go home and scrub the blood out. It was nice. I felt like a real doctor. Like I was really doing something important.
• Body.
  • I didn't self harm that much.