No coffee. That doesn't mean caffeine

• 01: out with Brittanie, Karen, Erika.
  • "My voice pitch changes according to my emotional stability".
  • Smoking is not a big deal if you want to do it by yourself.
  • Poor man's chai will get me through the month
• 02: out with mom and Valeria. Saw Frozen and didn't like it.
  • Joined the Fluoxetine train.
  • I saved 2 dollars but now owe 170
  • I want to write poetry like Pablo Neruda
• 03: Macdonald and Broadway by myself.
  • 3 Viet ladies that do not give generic compliments. I like them.
  • Solitary breakfasts do not make me sad. Quite the opposite, actually.
  • I'm poison?
• 04: home all day
  • Am I ruining everything?
  • Is this my fault?
  • Don't touch me
• 05: Home all day
  • I hate swallowing pills how am I going to do this
  • "We're moving... We found a new place already"
  • I don't want to move. I feel like I belong here.
• 06: Back at school
  • "You just... You look so sad" "Yeah."
  • Got tackled by Laura for a Theatre improv... Never doing that again
  • Home early // Skype date -- everything is perfect when we Skype.
• 07: Happy five months, love.
  • Fell asleep in class, once I got home, still felt exhausted at night
  • In a world with few strong opinions... I'm nothing
  • I need to manage my triggers and I need to know how to be a better support.
• 08: Day 2
  • "You only realize you've been empty when you're full"
  • Rehearsals started -- every day that I supposedly get out of school early
    • that could be very, very bad.
  • I'll just let today pass by quietly
• 09: Day 1
  • Funny how every class I don't like I'm okay in, and every class I like I feel like disappearing
  • Package from grandma -- 4 boxes of chocolates (Merry Christmas!)
  • I can't do this I feel too awkward
• 10: Solitude
  • Rehearsal cancelled, and apparently so was everything else
  • I'm lonely. But maybe that's my fault
  • Green tea mistos with soy milk and very soothing
• 11: Dim Sum for breakfast
  • "You are young" but I think I'm broken
  • I think the memory of August 2nd has haunted me. But if you say that it is the end, then so it is.
  • I'm yours
• 12: Home? Not really.
  • Cramps, pain, sadness
  • Prozac sucks but hopefully it's worth it
  • Korean BBQ for lunch. When will this stop?
• 13: Monday
  • I make no sense of things yet people think I understand them
  • Once you share a meal with someone, you're that much closer
  • Spared from group, thank god
• 14: Weirdest day
  • Ripped off... Again
  • Drank a frappuccino. There goes my no coffee streak.
  • Bianca is me circa November 2012. She's just so tiny...
• 15: day 1
  • English class upsets me. Why should I be more formal towards men they're not more worthy than women
  • Logarithms? I'm still doing okay though
  • Questioned by Ms. T for finishing early. Sigh
• 16: Skipped school
  • Increased to 20 mg Fluoxetine. Expect the numbness to be 10 times stronger
  • Coffee shop talks with mom. It's okay, for once.
  • "I want to enjoy food again but I don't want to be fat again" // 56.1
• 17: Day 1
  • I'm not quitting coffee. I can't do it. February it is.
  • Art class is weird and I'd much rather paint than think
  • Watched She's the Man after school; ate whatever I wanted and I didn't feel guilty
• 18: Tanya and Erika
  • Hit on by 3 men. I hate myself
  • I loathe my guts
  • I want to smoke again. I need a break.
• 19: Home all day
  • I'm scared of what I'm capable of doing to myself
  • I'm just a lovesick child
  • Everything is okay.
• 20: Day 2
  • Every time I walk into my Religion class I feel the most depressed
  • Went home after Religion. Felt odd but could only describe it as dizzy
  • Slept
• 21: I'm shit.
  • Why are you so rude to me?
  • "Could you ple --" "No one cares" Oh.
  • How I've managed to remain clean is beyond me.
• 22: Happy birthday, Michelle
  • At school early, but it was worth it.
  • "There's a twinkle about you"
  • School's pointless
• 23: Day 1
  • Bella is a good movie
  • Math is my last exam, yet that's all I've studied
  • Concerns but also fears
• 24: Last day before exam week // Parabens
  • Dropped 15% in Religion. I am more than okay with that.
  • Days like these make me feel ashamed that I'm hungry
  • Rehearsal until 5. We're a mess.
• 25: Starbucks for 3 hours
  • Study? More like cram everything
  • Old sketchbook -- I may just draw again
  • Just one more week
• 26: No motivation. Hell week is here.
  • I'm more calm than last year, it's nice
  • Sins greater than hell itself
  • Deal: I will eat clean and exercise every day this week for at least an hour.
• 27: Biology
  • Cram session the day of
  • Just kidding, moving a day early
  • My biggest fear is to have my sister end up like me. I could never forgive myself.
• 28: English
  • Finished on time and didnt blank out. That's a first.
  • Got through the hardest day of the week
  • No more bed
• 29: Chemistry
  • Shit shit shit
  • Cigarettes and heart-to-heart. I missed this.
  • "You're the only successful lesbian I know."
• 30: Day off.
  • Doctor's appointments: "it'll be ok"
  • "Back to back classes? My, you're young!" Or extremely disordered
  • Don't work tonight you'll break
• 31: Math // Moving day
  • Coffee & cigarettes over pancakes and forced old friendships
  • A man handed us a flower each, then sun was out and so were children, and we felt guilt
  • Up until 6 am moving houses. Goodbye Kerrisdale, thank you for helping me grow