- I: You looked like dawn back then, the innocence visible from your coffee eyes. You skipped and laughed, you wore bright colours, you counted stars. The moment your heart started beating irregularly and panic enveloped around you, you lost that shine. You became passive, quiet; you regretted your early life for fear of being rejected. Your eyes were glassy, always tearful because your mind said you're too fragile to ever be safe. You rejected love because you were too vulnerable already. You became my friend and you told me you feared the future. It was raining when I cried, and we were reading shakespeare when you did. You called me almost a year ago at 5 am, you told me I shouldn't be alone and that you were worried about me, but to this day you don't realize that with you, I never felt alone. You were the comfort I needed, and the friend I'll always keep.
- I, revised: life was chaos but it was simple. An issue we could've fixed; if only we knew what other problems we'd get to know. You hide pain well - your coffee eyes don't. Maybe I made a mistake and left you alone, too busy with my own shadows to see your fading light. I doubt I'll ever apologize. Just like you will never know the beauty we made.
- II: Your eyes. Those god damn eyes. Gray. I knew you felt a storm in your heart, and I stupidly thought that I could hug it out of you. You were heavy and you made it clear that you wanted nothing, and I persisted. Slowly, life regained its meaning, but I know you're still fragile today. As your hair grew longer your laughter lasted more. You took the lenses out; your midnight coloured eyes told me the story of how you loved and lost once, and how falling for someone made you afraid. The only time I saw you cry was for happiness; the only time I saw you speechless was because you witnessed how I looked after crying. The silences we had early on were comfortable, and I know that no matter how little we see each other, we can still go back to dancing and eating and laughing, we can still go back to being happy (?) 14-year-olds again.
- III: Phone calls make me anxious and I wish to forget them, but I remember how I nervously laughed while talking to you, asking what your name was. I barely knew you, you thought me a boy, your brother assumed I was stupid. Your voice is a whisper, perfect for talking in the morning over a cup of peppermint tea. Your body is tiny but you wish your calves were smaller. You wish you were a boy, tall and skinny with good clothes. You see the art and beauty in people and you're wise enough to keep it to yourself. You're filled with art and beauty, saturated even, so it easily flows out of your fingertips. Your smirk tells me you know a secret, my secret, their secret. There's more to you than the roses and faces you beautifully sketch.
- III, revised: how I didn't realize you held your own secrets, I'm not sure. You let the idea of love and tenderness torture you during most nights. And look at you now, storm gone. Mud on your shoes wasn't a problem, you liked the color. You walked for days, Ms. Bennet, and walked into the arms of someone worth your laugh.
- IV: I mistook you for freedom; your smile stretched for miles and I somehow got lost in the definition of your lips. I didn't look up, I'm sorry. Your skin scarred faster than mine, submitted to pain before me. From time to time that smile reappears and I know your heart is in chaos. It is always in chaos, but only when you smile do I know that it is the good kind. You're silent but you read people, everyone but yourself. You were freedom. You knew when you could deceive me with a song
- IV, revised: It was an ugly end. We were an ugly thing together. How many times did we try to drown each other while thinking we were lifeguards? How many times did you knock on my glass heart, only for me to grab your steel spirit and melt it with fire - fire that brewed from my own hands. I wish we had never crossed paths sometimes, but we wouldn't be the people we seem to be today.
- V: how did we meet? By accident. I could've stayed home. You could've never typed "hello". Just like the ridges and valleys on your body, I marked a path to your heart. How did I nest here? How did I end up in your arms? Why did you kiss me? How, no, why did we meet? You didn't save me, but you stepped alongside me. And I'm slipping, but who isn't? How does you laugh echo through every pore in my body? How do I end up with the memory of your smile every night, a goodnight kiss. How do we wake up, sometimes together, and smile still? It's magic.
dec 24 2013 ∞
oct 10 2018 +
oct 10 2018 +