- Feeds off attention, admiration, adulation.
- When lacking of these supplies, deficiency dysphoria sets in and the narcissist appears depressed. Sleeping and eating patterns change, they move slow, finds no pleasure in anything, violent mood swings, come across as obsessive or repetitive, appears to be far away in a different reality with narcissistic fantasies where narcissistic supplies of their own making exist. Their whole behavior seems constrained and artificial.
- Demands a sense of power and being feared.
- Being impervious to abandonment because they think they're brilliant "Who would want to abandom someone like me? It's inconceivable".
- Fragmented/disorganized personality, and each fragment functions autonomously.
- Love to be feared/hated and fear/hate to be loved. This gives them a sense of omnipotence. Thinks of self as God-like.
- Tactless.
- Berates others.
- Understands the biblical prophets and is on a crusade to rectify the world, is emotionally invested in being right.
- Victim/martyr complex, the world doesn't understand because Narcissist is superior and others are mere mortals.
- Believes is an outcast by their own genius and omnipotence and other outstanding qualities.
- Being persecuted proves to them that they're unique and superior.
- Doesn't terrorize others in a calculated manner, does it genuinely coming from character. They don't choose what they do, they simply are, therefore it can't be said that they are morally evil, because morals imply thought + choice.
- Idealization & devaluation are used. Idealization helps them attach to their new sources of supply, devaluation helps them detach from sources of supply once their usefulness has been exhausted. This is why the Narcissist can pick up something where he left it off so easily, it's common for them to return to old people or places or activities as if they never abandoned them as long as they are useful for their current situation, when they can no longer extract narcissistic supply from their current sources. They never discard sources of narcissistic supply. When in a new setting (new country, new relationship, new job) they try out a few of their personas until strikes gold and finds the one persona that provides them with maximum narcissistic supply. Change of circumstances might force them to return to a previous persona in order to get supply.
- No empathy (malignant narcissism).
- When family, friends and co-workers fail to procure them with narcissistic supply, narcissist sees them as dysfunctional frustrating objects.
- Their communications make you feel unsure of yourself, they're self contradictory, confusing, artfully vague, deceptive, and you're constantly losing end of deals, you feel weird and ripped off after speaking with them, you feel cheapened and exploited.
- Relationships with them look too good to be true. They engage in gradiosity, are excessively charming, they will be whatever you want them to be.
- Mask changing. They are everything they need to be to every person, seem to have seven different personalities.
- Are preocupied with a fantasy of who they think they are, they talk about themselves constantly and in idealised terms, an heroic self.
- They idealize paths and philosophies they don't actually live themselves at all.
- Reframing. The reframe everything you tell them so they look cool. For ex they punch you in the face and you say "You punched me in the face" and they say "No, I didn't. I stroked you with my knuckles" or "I didn't steal from you, I borrowed from you" or they try to convince you that you gave them permission to do what they did.
- Crappy gifts that have nothing to do with you. They give you things they want for themselves.
- They go too deep too soon, they propose marriage or kids or fulfilling your dreams very quickly, while at the same time being a secretive person. The purpose of this is their desire to manipulate you in order to get narcissistic supply constantly, while they can go out of the house and do whatever else they want.
- No respect for boundaries and they're very inappropriate people. They're constantly acting in a way that is either privately or publicly weird and confusing.
- They're never wrong. They never admit they're wrong either to you or when they tell you stories about other people. They're always right, the victim.
- If you confront them you will get explosive and nasty results because you're getting to the core of their fantasy. If you spoil their fantasy, they'll either block you from their life or even seek revenge.
- If the narcissist pushes you away because they think you're a poor source of narcissistic supply and they think you're stupid and boring, and then they go out into the world and realise they can't get any other sources of narcissistic supply because everybody they encounter has strong boundaries and aren't interested in them, they'll want to get back to you, but since they can't admit that they were wrong about you and can't admit that they can't get supply anywhere else, they need to tell themselves a story based on re-idealization. So if they left you thinking you're boring and stupid, in order to come back they'll think of you as being sweet or naive and having a philosophical approach to life that makes you interesting and unique. They re-idealize the relationship too. And they will think that you need them much more than they need you. They're coming back because they're desperate for supply.
- They use you as their emotional dildo, and they need someone to wank their ego.
- When the narcissist re-idealizes you as an old source of supply, but you don't want to: "Hey haven't seen you in a while, I miss you, can we hang out?", you follow what they're saying instead of saying no "Yeah it's been a while, we'll meet up" and then you never actually act on it. What happens is they're feeding off that yes, so they get a dopamine release, they feel good in their fantasy that you'll hang out with them, and they won't bother to actually try to see you, because they only wanted the reassurance that you're available for them. They're flighty, and once they've had a little feed, they don't pursue anything more.
- If you're a victim of a narcissist, stop being open and sincere. Your honesty, vulnerability and empathy is lunch to these people. If you're dealing with gangstas you gotta think like a gangsta.
- Even negative feedback is supply for them. If you tell them "I don't like this relationship, I don't like your manipulation and your dishonesty, and I'm not putting up with this anymore" it only feeds their drama, because what they want is attention and interaction with you, because they feed off your emotions, be them positive or negative. What you need to do is not feed them any emotional response, because they have nothing to eat so they go elsewhere.
- When it's actually time to hang out, they get stressed out because they want to do other things, they don't actually want to hang out, they only want to know that they could, that you're still there at arm's reach.
- The best strategy is to ignore them politely. Be indifferent to them. Be neutral, be cool.
- Get over the dopamine kick you get when you're with the narcissist. They're so charming and adorable that they make your body release feel-good chemicals in their company, and you gotta get over your sexual arousal when you're around them. Go away.
mar 17 2014 ∞
apr 5 2014 +