• “If you want to go to the semi-formal with him, dude just go over and ask him.” Mr. Cousineau
  • “I’m so used to being able to fail.” Maeghan
  • “Is lambda the peace sign without the circle?” Craig


  • “Let’s make believe we know what we’re doing.” Mr. Holland
  • “If this turns you on... at some point the calculator is going to laugh at you.” Mr. Holland
  • “It’s hard to give somebody a placebo apple.” Mr. Holland
  • “I bet you a dollar you’ll do this wrong.” Mr. Holland
  • “Pretend that you just woke up. It’ll be easy.” Mr. Holland
  • “Will you please be silent for a minute or six.” Mr. Holland
  • “Be silent and poosh some buttons!” Mr. Holland
  • “Oh I like that - it’s a cute question. Who invented it? Oh, me!” Mr. Holland
  • “I was going to say something terribly brilliant. What was it?” Mr. Holland
  • “If that is not in blood on your cheat sheet it ought to be.” Mr. Holland
  • “Let’s take a nap. No, let’s not. We have too much to do.” Mr. Holland
  • “Wouldn’t that be nice if you had a little built-in nap time every day?” Mr. Holland
  • “Is it okay if we start now? Say no.” Mr. Holland
  • “Is that your new bed or what?” Mr. Holland
  • “Depends on how hard I push Mrs. Carter. I can push pretty hard when I want to.” Mr. Holland


  • “I killed three today by jabbing. I can’t help it, I get excited and then I go boom!” Mr. Holland
  • “If you have a question whack me on the way by.” Mr. Holland
  • “I’m not going to stop teaching Calculus just because there’s water outside.” Mr. Holland
  • “Where did I learn that? I don’t know, my mommy taught me when I was two.” Mr. Holland
  • “You can wish me a happy birthday any old day.” Mr. Holland
  • “Do not do part A under penalty of death.” Mr. Holland
  • “Nobody likes your opinion anyways.” Mr. Holland
  • “My head hurts.” Mr. Holland
  • “It is a clever prefix, for someone who knows a smidgen of English, that means a half.” Mr. Holland
  • “How the heck I am supposed to know who Barney is?” Mr. Holland
  • “Ooh Moby Dick. I thought people read Moby Dick in about the 3rd grade.” Mr. Holland
  • “If you can’t factor that thing you need serious help!” Mr. Holland
  • “Any senior who claims they are over-worked is joking.” Mr. Holland


  • “Oops I just turned into Paris Hilton.” Mr. Anthony
  • “I hate kids...except on toast. Then they’re excellenté.” Mr. Anthony
  • “Getting Doc to talk about alcohol... there’s something he knows a lot about.” Mr. Anthony
  • “There are a lot [of drugs] in the faculty room.” Mr. Anthony
  • “Katherine, the world needs people to walk along the road and pick up trash. And they can’t all be prisoners.” Mr. Anthony
  • “Have you ever seen chickens having sex?” Mr. Anthony
  • “They’re like those things you punch and they come back up.” Sofia
    • “Oh you mean 6th graders!” Mr. Anthony
  • “We’re confusing Katherine because we’re talking about silverware.” Mr. Anthony
  • “When I go, I hope the whole universe explodes.” Mr. Anthony
  • “Eat so much that you get sick. Eat so much that you look like Mrs. Mingott.” Mr. Anthony
  • “I couldn’t get a job in a garbage truck. So I figured, where else can I find trash?” Mr. Anthony
  • “When you reach a certain age like Doc you don’t have birthdays any more. You just cut him open and count the rings.” Mr. Anthony
  • “That’s what a guy not wearing a shirt should look like.” Mr. Anthony
  • “Hi mom I’m throwing up drunk. Hi mom I’m streaking across campus. It’s something all the freshmen have to do.” Mr. Anthony
  • “The two of them don’t even add up to Brad Pitt’s arm.” Mr. Anthony
  • “I purposely hold back knowledge because you hurt my feelings.” Mr. Anthony
  • “We’re against parties because sometimes the word communist gets put in front of it.” Mr. Anthony
  • “[Moby Dick] is like the Voldemort of whales.” Kaitlyn
    • “Never say that name aloud.” Mr. Anthony
  • “I’m interested in Hamlet the way Doc’s interested in himself.” Mr. Anthony
  • “You’re going to be in a zoo for the mentally insane.” Sofia
  • “You can see it from the moon – the stuff in my car.” Mr. Anthony


  • “Derryfield’s Next Top Model... UN!” Brandon
  • “Never have so many girls paid so much attention to Matt.” Alex
  • “Matt you are like the 40 year-old virgin waiting to happen.” Brandon
  • “I’m not sure you can make it through this entire trimester of Greek without getting punched in the face.” Doc (to Alex)
  • “What is a ginger?” Doc
  • “That’s not nearly as clever as 7 ate 9.” Matthew
  • “It’s just like this, but not quite.” Doc
  • “Do you mistake me for a teacher who cares?” Doc
  • “You are little Doc clones. I’m very proud of you guys. You care about little picky things that no one else in the world cares about.” Doc
  • “Half of these verbs have lost their marbles. I totally sympathize with them. Thanks to you guys, mostly.” Doc
  • “T-Pain? Is that you?” Doc (to Firas)
    • “Who’s T-Pain?” Matthew
    • “ I’m on a boat Matt.” Brandon


  • “Two students Doc? You’re getting more and more popular each year.” Madame
  • “[Ms. Steele] used to confuse me for Mr. Quinn. I mean I’ve put on a few pounds but come ON!” Doc
  • “Mr. Holland. Do you know him? I’m his granddad.” Doc
  • “My nephews are like nine and they’re starting preschool.” Doc
  • “Nobody’s beaten my record for t-ball strike-outs. It’s still there on a plaque.” Doc
  • “I almost would have married Mr. Curley.” Doc
  • “I am deeply disappointed that you got it right Erin.” Doc
  • “That’s a cute waffle.” Caroline
  • “One of the great things about Classics is that there’s a lot of snobbishness to it.” Doc


  • “It’s about the only thing I can go to jail for. Besides my habits.” Mr. Moerlein
  • “Mr. Moerlein we should write a story about you fighting a polar bear.” Firas
    • “Well you know, that’s how my children came about.” Mr. Moerlein
  • “Greek basketball is like the only other game besides Never Have I Ever that I can win.” Matthew
  • “I’ve known Erin since the beginning of time. Me and Erin and God, we go way back.” Mr. Moerlein


  • “God is like any man: he likes to see two women together.” Caroline
  • “What is 6 over 100?” Jake
    • “Your GPA.” Craig
  • “I’m just glad he has friends.” Sarah Porat
    • “These aren’t friends. These people are paid.” Matthew
  • “You guys are so boring that I can’t even leave my seat. My whole lower body goes to sleep.” Mr. Anthony
  • “I’m better than Mr. Quinn. But so is this table.” Mr. Anthony
  • “I know when you look at me you think Sistine Chapel.” Mr. Anthony
aug 23 2010 ∞
aug 17 2019 +
user picture Phil: I'm kind of shocked that I said nothing quote-worthy this year. God, I'm going to have to step up my A-game for next year...wait, a minute... aug 23 2010
user picture Erin: :( I'll have to make a list of funny texts that I get