Nakakatakot pala

Kung ika'y manatili sa aming bahay

Mabait ka daw sabi nila

Sabi rin ni Inay huwag maging pasaway

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Ikaw ba ‘yon?

Ang nararamdaman kong tingin?

Kahit kung ika'y malayo

May gagawin ka ba sa akin?

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Aalis daw muna si Inay

Ngayon ikaw lang ang kasama ko

Nanginginig ang aking kamay

At ang isip ko'y blangko

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Ano ang ginawa mo?

Nandidiri na ako sa aking sarili

Marumi na ang laway ko

Bakit mo akong pinwersang sumali?

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Saan ka na po, Inay?

Gusto ko nang umiyak

I will never forgive them… or at least I thought so.

I had just gotten into another argument with them. It was a fight different from others—where words were sharper, wounds were deeper. I had finally told my parents that I wanted to leave this world, and they did not take it well.

Why would they take it well? How could they? Is it even possible to stay calm when your only daughter wants to take the life you worked so hard to give her? My mind ruminated that night. I felt like the ungrateful child they've always called me. They must've been hurt. I must've hurt them. Why did I hate them so much in the first place anyway?

With guilt flooding my entire being, teardrops slid down my face as I forced myself to reflect on today's fight in my journal. Soon enough, I found myself on the bedside my mother slept on. She was already...

and i ask this as both a genuine question and a statement of desperation.

my chest genuinely screams for a moment of rest that i can't give it.

i can only hope to reach tomorrow