that is all.

i just miss soup. like really phenomenally badly so. not a day has passed since may that i haven't thought about y'all and worked everything in my power to manifest nothing but goodness and success for you while i'm away.

i miss my goobers. my pals.

people who understood and saw me without extra expectation or nuance necessary.

i wish i hadn't felt that i had to "retreat" in order to heal from all this past familial trauma. to protect them from anything that bogged me down during/over these years. to keep them safe from having to be aware of any of the nuance that caused my neurospicy.

stupid automatic negative thoughts (ANTs, as we like to call them in therapy) creep in too easily still. "you've been away nearly a year at this point, so you may as well stay away for good cuz most likely they dont want you back anyways, especially after all this time."

alas, as time fades more, it becomes yet harder to bring myself to download discord, WoW or guild wars again.

~forever sighing~