if i could kill myself it'd just be so much easier wouldn't it. it really would. i cant do that to maple or brooke or doodle or anyone though. it's selfish. i really really can't. it wouldnt be fair. not when i owe maple so much money. not when brooke still needs an older sibling to look up to who isnt scottie. not when doodle cant be abandoned. not when i cant bear the thought of maple trying to clear my things out of the apartment with their mom's help. i cant do that to them i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant but i want to. but i cannot