what is the point of living past like.. 25 under capitalism. really been feeling like the lemon demon song I Earn My Life ever since i've been paying rent. i just.. i simply dont have the money for anything big. sure, i'm not responsible with what little tip money i get. that goes toward getting thai tea or lil treats for me. but my paycheck nowadays just goes toward rent and student loans. i still don't make enough to be on testosterone. i honestly deluded myself into thinking it would be achievable. i remember before moving here i told brooke "by the way, i'm gonna transition once i'm out of the house, prepare to see me again at christmas and see me with more body hair and my voice deeper" and i. i'm just. i havent even been able to see a medical professional for anything since my leg-glass-incident. augh. i just. augh. media can only distract me for so long before the crippling reality i live in sets in. everything sucks. but it doesn't all suck, i live with maple and i love them. but everything ELSE sucks. and as much as i love maple, i well and truly and honestly do, love alone cannot solve my problems. it harshes the blow of them, for sure, especially since maple doesn't hesitate to try to make my life easier. they are unequivocally kind and thoughtful but they also do not sign off on my paychecks, you feel me? anyway capitalism is a plague that i wouldnt wish on my worst enemy. nobody deserves poverty. not a single soul. how do people live and not just stay in a constant cycle of burnout and crying and hoping they can make rent this month and afford groceries and loan payments and feed their pets and pay for gas and