a list of tips for writing. or alternatively: me, pretending i know what the fuck i'm talking about:

• writing is nothing like starting a fire. you don't rub the words together like rocks and hope for a flame. if you keep trying to do that, your hands are going to get bloody, or you're gonna get yourself burned;
• there's no such thing as raw talent. everything needs polishing;
• nothing is going to get done properly if you're sleep deprived. scribble down your ideas and get your ass to bed. the words will still be there tomorrow morning;
• ernest hemingway was a piece of shit;
• almost every historical, famous writer was a piece of shit in his time. don't try to be them;
• (except jane austen. jane austen was cool.)
• you won't wake up one day and be the best writer in whole wide world. practice;
• write every day. write in notebooks, write in your laptop, write in your hands and paper napkins;
• you probably don't need so many commas;
• you probably don't need so many "he/she/they said" either. sometimes dialogue speaks for itself;
• your favorite writer's advice is not gospel;
• it's okay to read other people's work and think "shit, i wish i wrote that";
• for the love of god, do research about everything you write. doesn't matter if it's about bees, research about it. odds are you have at least one reader who knows better than you, and they will be left frowning at your work;
• purple prose is a thing, don't be that writer. not all phrases need to be deep and beautifully decorated. sometimes the words lose their meaning and become redudant. sometimes you just need to get your message across without too many words;
• learn to deal with feedback. swallow your defensiveness. you can't do better if you don't listen;
• read about tropes. learn ways to avoid them, or to use them.
• don't stick to a single genre. be versatile. if your thing is horror and suspense, try to write some romance in it. if your thing is romance, add some fantasy and goblins to it;
• too many metaphors can kill the mood for your reader (see also: purple prose);
• on that note, hold on to the best lines you have in store. hold on to them until the right scene comes up;
• it's okay to google really stupid things. like synonyms or 'how to write about x thing?'
• romance isn't always a plot all by itself;
• sometimes your characters don't need to say "i love you" for your readers know they, in fact, love each other;
• show, don't tell;
• don't give informations out to your readers first thing. let them discover everything slowly, and by themselves through dialogue, and little details. information dumps only mean you're giving too much and overwhelming your audience, and they're going to forget whatever you told them in two pages;
• don't underestimate your reader's intelligence. sounds really basic, but happens more often than not. give them little clues and trust them to pick up on them;
• flashbacks, most of the time, are a bad idea if you don't know how to do them effectively;
• flashbacks work when they're a story within a story and actually show important pieces and bits about the current plot;
• let your readers see your characters happy before they see them suffer;
• don't spare your characters from the suffering. even if you love them like your children;
• write about what makes you happy. write the things you wanna read. enthusiasm is the best motivation;
• remember your character's 5 senses: taste, sight, touch, smell, and hearing. explore them in your writing;
• do yourself a favor and write down the shit that comes up to you in random moments of inspiration. you really won't remember them later if you don't;
• people will tell you to write characters that are completely different from you, and i promise you: they're full of shit. write about the things you know. put pieces of yourself in your characters, give the protagonist your habit of biting your nails, or give the villain the anxiety. write about what you know as much as what you don't know;
• diversity is important. diversity is so important. write disabled characters, write poc characters, write lgbt characters and female characters;
• remember female characters should be as nuanced and complex as male characters;
• if you're a man, remember you probably know fuck all about writing women. so do your research on tropes, on sexism, on women's body, everything. i once had a male writer friend that only knew how to write women as hypersexualized badass gunfighters, and he was generally a pretty intelligent young man;
• don't reduce your characters to a single trait;
• if you're writing about minorities, read about harmful tropes and stereotypes, talk to people who are part of those minorities and listen to what they have to say;
• if you're white (like myself), accept the fact that you really, really don't know shit about a lot of things. and do your fucking best to listen and learn;
• even if you have good intentions, you're probably going to write something harmful, problematic or plain stupid at some point. that's why doing research is so crucial;
• learn to understand the difference between a problematic plot and actual conflict in your story.
• if you're writing smut, i beg of you: don't call your character's dick anything other than cock. shaft is absolutely out of the question. long length? hell no. please, just spare us of cringey smut;
• write safe sex. safe sex is sexy, folks. read this;
• writing about rape, rape victims or writing rape is pretty fucking serious. watch yourself. here's a pretty compelling post by maggie stiefvater about literary rape;
• make sure your work passes the bechdel test, the ellie willis test, all tests. they're easy. and if you can't, there's... probably somethings you need to rethink. here's a link;
• become a people watcher. how are you going to write about other people if you don't know how they work, what they do, what they say? learn to describe their mannerisms, the way grins stretch over their features, how the laughter lines appear, how their skin glows in the sunlight;
• make your writing a statement. don't let your words be empty and meaningless. do some good with your work;
• anne lemott said: "human rights being with and extend to your characters, no matter how horrible they are. you have to respect the qualities that make them who they are. a moral position is not a slogan, or wishful thinking. it doesn't come from outside or above. (...) tell the truth and write about freedom and fight for it, however you can, and you will be richly rewarded." think about that;
• william shakespeare was a genius, but he was a genius who sneaked dick jokes wherever he could. you're allowed to be goofy with your writing sometimes. who knows, you might write some pretty iconic lines while doing so;
• readers are sensitive people. they'll know when you've written something out of knowledge or experience. avoid bullshitting;
• don't describe your poc or black character's skin by comparing them to food (like "olive" or "chocolate"), it's dehumanizing. colors have names for a reason - use them;