my old sunday school teacher used to talk about that, on earth, you own nothing, but god chose you and then gave you the freedom to choose him if you so choose, promising eternal heaven. does that eternal heaven include the ability to be nothing at all? just a simple, weightless soul against the current? is that what i want?

the original sin came from free will and choices. god had created each person’s path for holiness, but after the rebellion of humanity’s first parents, god had enabled it into giving people the opportunity for redemption to find deeper meaning. had god predetermined those events later on in my life, would it have been because even he knows there is no deeper meaning to life? why live just to die? why suffer in waiting for salvation? if you know it’s possible, you have the desire to aim for it, and the misery when you can’t achieve it.

maybe i feel this way because i know that i can be saved, so to speak. even if it’s just from myself.

maybe free will is not the original sin. maybe it’s faith.