i think books are some sort of extension of me. mostly because the books that i have are gifts from my mom. she’s given me some really shit books before. i used to get so mad at her when i didn’t like them. i would ask her to give me my time back. she’d always just say that if i could just find one good line in a bad book, and then it’d be worth my time. i always finished bad books after that, because i loved telling her my one good line.

one good line. i used to do this with my brother sometimes, when he was younger and was having a hard time at school, focusing at class. so i’d always tell him to find one good line from whatever book they read that week. he used to take it very seriously, it was cute. and it was nice to still be able to do it with someone, even though he moved out and i did, too. we barely talk anymore. and i miss my brother. i miss when we were close. i miss w...

teardrop, massive attack · feline or famine, violet indiana · the hand that feeds, nine inch nails · know who you are at every age, cocteau twins · jesus freak lighter, blood orange · tempest, ethel cain · swan, not for radio · all cats are grey, the cure · exquisite corpse, bauhaus · blade bird, oklou · undisclosed desires, muse.

my old sunday school teacher used to talk about that, on earth, you own nothing, but god chose you and then gave you the freedom to choose him if you so choose, promising eternal heaven. does that eternal heaven include the ability to be nothing at all? just a simple, weightless soul against the current? is that what i want?

the original sin came from free will and choices. god had created each person’s path for holiness, but after the rebellion of humanity’s first parents, god had enabled it into giving people the opportunity for redemption to find deeper meaning. had god predetermined those events later on in my life, would it have been because even he knows there is no deeper meaning to life? why live just to die? why suffer in waiting for salvation? if you know it’s possible, you have the desire to aim for it, and the misery when you can’t achieve it.

my name is sascha barthel, but you can call me isi. i’m 22 years old and i come from a complicated family tree. but the important thing is: i currently live in london all by myself. i’m from a very small town in germany, but that part of my story isn’t as important as it should be. at least, i don’t think so. i work as a journalist, but i also do odd jobs in some pubs on lonely nights till early mornings.

i’m an aquarius, whatever that says about me. i don’t know much about zodiac signs, to be honest, and i also don’t have that much of a interest in them. but if you do and have the time to tell me about it, i’ll listen. i’ve never had any issues with my sexuality, so there’s that.

i think i can be described as someone who exists simultaneously between 3 PM and 3 AM, which means that i’m either extremely hyped or in my feelings all the time. i romanticize the past and i have a tend...

i’d always been drawn to stories about haunted houses. maybe it’s cliché, but i’ve always felt connected to them, to the idea that there could be something in a home that makes a family’s life take a tragic turn, that it could all be tied to a haunted doll or a malevolent presence. when i was a child, i went through a brief phase where i was sure i’d been possessed, after reading a book my mother thought was sascha-appropriate but that turned out to be just a little too intense for me at the time.

i still think about that sometimes, that kid who felt so lonely, so hopeless, that i was sure there was something inside me to blame for it. i still feel like that kid sometimes, when that ugly part of me rears its head and starts down a path of destruction or helps me bury my feelings somewhere unseen.

things are more simple in haunted house m...

• “the angels teased me; many times gathered around me they asked: "what is pain?" —— elytis (tr. stathis), the primal paradise.
• “did you inherit a sickness? did you blame god? do you believe in god? do you believe in yourself? are you still on fire? did you ever put out the fire?” —— lisa marie basile, andalucia.

i consider myself a good observer. i can differ the righteous from the wicked, i know who i can and cannot trust, i know who are the decisive and the fearful in life, i know who loves overwhelmingly and who will die alone.

this ability has allowed me to enjoy certain privileges, but they can sometimes come with misfortune. and that was my case. i’m very conscious about my emotional instability, my immorality, sometimes the world is under my control and suddenly i fall into the abyss of madness. real madness, the kind that keeps me awake at night and, when i do manage to sleep, disturbs me in my nightmares. the kind that makes me a man plagued by hyperbolic mistrust, by the great fear of maintaining long-term relationships. i don’t know the full extent of my causes and effects on society. but i do try to make it better, to understand.

• pt-br/eng mostly. +21. interpretative acc.
• i am NOT a minor and will not engage in any sort of interaction with underage players.
• although my account is very timeline friendly, mature topics will be addressed as they are part of the character’s background, such as religious trauma, grief, family trauma, and alcoholism/substance abuse. if this is a trigger for you, please do not interact. take care of yourself. :]
• i don’t take roleplay as an obligation in any way, and i know we all have lives outside of here. i respect everyone’s response time and expect the same in return. also, i’m heavily uninterested in anything ooc related.
• i tend to avoid situations that are too forced or convenient. i like relationships...