i consider myself a good observer. i can differ the righteous from the wicked, i know who i can and cannot trust, i know who are the decisive and the fearful in life, i know who loves overwhelmingly and who will die alone.

this ability has allowed me to enjoy certain privileges, but they can sometimes come with misfortune. and that was my case. i’m very conscious about my emotional instability, my immorality, sometimes the world is under my control and suddenly i fall into the abyss of madness. real madness, the kind that keeps me awake at night and, when i do manage to sleep, disturbs me in my nightmares. the kind that makes me a man plagued by hyperbolic mistrust, by the great fear of maintaining long-term relationships. i don’t know the full extent of my causes and effects on society. but i do try to make it better, to understand.

i’ve never been interested in good people, decent folks, examples of honor and dignity. to me, they’re all puppets molded by society. there’s no truth, no depth, no fun in having someone like that around. there’s just a great boredom that floods my head every time i surround myself with these people. i admire the villains, the outlaws, the motherfuckers. i don’t appreciate well-groomed people with perfect hair and good jobs. i like the wretches, with ruined bodies and minds, lost souls and from dirty paths. these people are interesting; they always show some surprise and big, big explosions. i can’t stand churches, religions, or any kind of affiliation with any institution, but sure, why not. i am a person marked by a materialistic view of love, hideous, dirty, who can relax with the useless because i am useless and who will probably die of alcoholism. as i already said, the original sin maybe is faith. i don’t have that anymore.