• Luxury is nice, but creativity is nicer. Hence the game where you go into the ten-dollar store and pick out and outfit you might wear to the Oscars (or to the sixth-grade dance).
  • The sidewalk isn't that dirty.
  • Barbie's disfigured. It's fine to play with her just as long as you keep that in mind.
  • If you have a bad feeling about someone, don't worry about offending them. Just run. Being polite is how you get your purse stolen or your "pruse stolen."
  • Related: if someone says "I'm not going to hurt you" or "I'm not a creep," they probably are. Noncreeps don't feel the need to say it all the time.
  • Never yell at someone else's child. Just talk shit about them behind their back.
  • It's okay to ignore the dress code if you're an "artist." People will think you're operating on a higher plane and feel suddenly self-conscious.
  • If someone doesn't answer your e-mail within six hours, it means they hate you.
  • "Asshole" is not a curse word. Not even if you add "little fucking" in front of it.
  • It's better to eat little bits of everything than large amounts of one thing. If that fails, try large amounts of everything.
  • Respect isn't something you command through intimidation and intellectual bullying. It's something you build through a long life of treating people how you want to be treated and focusing on your mission.
  • Keep your friends close. Buy your enemies something cool.
  • Why spend $200 once a week on therapy when you can spend $150 once a year on a psychic?
  • "Sometimes a dog smells another dog's tushy, and it just doesn't like what it smells."
  • Family first. Work second. Revenge third.
dec 3 2015 ∞
jun 2 2020 +