260224

i'm so sorry to everyone who will ever see me become this person, but i think i'm developing a crush so intense i fear it's starting to make me do things i would never allow myself to do......

i was late for work today because i slept late, literally couldn't sleep thinking about them. for days now, i've caught myself thinking about them and wondering about their whereabouts at random times of the day, even while working. as i'm writing this right now, i feel a physical pain in my chest from my heart beating so fast, i feel so full, like i can't breathe.. this is not right

i dont know what's happening, but i've started to look forward to seeing them every week, and i've begun to crave seeing them more that i am now actively trying to think of ways to see them other than the usual days when i'm supposed to

i feel so happy whenever i think about them, and sing/dance to songs, and kick my feet, and giggle to myself, and literally bang my head on my pillow, and pull my hair, because what the hell?????

i've been staring at my computer monitor trying to start working for 90 minutes now, but all my panini brain ever does is recall the last time we saw each other and release a huge amount of dopamine, too embarrassing to admit :/

i feel ecstatic just thinking about seeing them, but whenever i do see them, i always end up ignoring them or doing something that would signal that i don't like them, and i'm afraid that they might start actually to think that i don't like them...... but i do

heck i even started a spotify playlist based on them, and even started googling stupid shit like AAAAAAAAAACK

i'm so terrified, idk what to do with myself T_T

260302

oh no ,,

after embarrassing and making a fool out of myself and almost giving up entirely on my sanity,

they sent me a dm today....... SCREAMS

i was doom scrolling on their band's page, giggling at the amount of names they've called themselves wow (honestly reminded me of myself), and then got so horrified for my life bc their name suddenly just popped up on my notifications like i was ready to kermit a sewer side !! i genuinely thought i slipped and accidentally liked a post or sumn.. i was DYING bro T___T

turns out they were just replying to a story, which i honestly only posted in an attempt to distract ppl from the stoopeed thing i did lol

i'd say though, theyre kinda a dry texter sigh.. or is it just bc they're not interested in talking to me???

WHATEVER this is supposed to be just a happy crush, nothing intense or anything, really (IT'S SO INTENSE IT'S MAKING MY HEAD SPINNNNN)

bye!

260306

tell me how they keep checking so many boxes?? i feel so dizzy

IS THIS JUST MY BROTHER IN CHRIST OR IS THIS MY HUSBANDDDDDDDD

stood next to me and said, in a very soft voice, almost like a whisper, "hi baby", while playing with our old family dog i looked over and said, "wym baby?" "i just call every dog baby"

my slow ass did not get this until a few hours later... they really think theyre slick, turns out i'm just really slow lol