260228

i somehow always knew you'd love like this, and if i were to be really honest with myself, it's most likely why i was hung up on you for so long.

it's so easy, isn't it? to hold someone's hand and tell them you like them, to pursue them, let them know that you care, verbalize how you really feel about them.

i always wondered why you couldn't do it for me, but i guess i now know you were just never into me at all.

to the painter, goodbye. my imagined version of you was once the object of my admiration. now the reality of you is what i'm going to remember you by.

not specifying a year, this is just going to be an ongoing list of things i actually need/want that i hopefully get to get into eventually

• babie cats
  • get them groomed at least once every three weeks, please
  • urgent things to buy:
    • water fountain
      • bought two!
    • stainless cat litter box
      • bought two!! (i'm broke)
    • new toys
    • cat beds
  • visit the vet quarterly
• career / work

i'm turning thirty (yes, THIRTY!) this week, and i filed a pto from work so i can have time to not think about work for at least a week and get some stuff done

• clean my bedroom
  • change my sheets + pillowcases
  • change my room curtains
  • power-sweep and mop the floor
  • free my bed and put my clothes away
• cards!
  • apply for supplementary cards
    • bpi amore for naynay and tatay
    • cnb for tatay
  • call unb cs for tatay's mobile banking acc access
  • payment arrangements
    • ewb

i don't know what to call it

i once told my friends, i didnt know what to call it, him. was it a situationship? they protest. it was never that. told me to call it what it actually was: an unrequited love. but i refuse to call it that, because i know it wasn't that. at all.

u know whats funny? he liked me first, and i just picked up on his feelings.

i'm not crying because i still like him, i know i no longer do bc i can listen to the spotify playlist i put together without feeling anything anymore.

all it took was one week. just a week, and it was just another playlist.

and what got me there was beating myself up. every day, that one whole week. just constantly terrorizing my thoughts and scolding myself for feeling the way that i did.

"well at least i know i can feel very deeply about somebody like that"