• 0101: head hurts and fire is fascinating.
• 0110:i dig my nails into my skin. bite my flesh, pull my hair. i let m yself go -
• 0113: My teeth are so loud, my jaws are so loud and my hands are shaking. Try not to cry. "You can't be the fifth one" stay here and eat alone. I wish I was alone so I could use my hands the way I want to.
• 0114: falling into old habits again.I'm so naïve - it always comes as a surprise to me, even though I should have known by now.
• 0116: Almost late to the cinema - running. Frances Ha / had already seen it but not with friends. Running, running, people yelling, I feel alive. We end up in Absenta, like always - some days the love I feel is almost tangible.
• 0117: When I was a kid and it was very cold my dad would put my pajamas on the radiator so that they were warm when I put them on. I hadn't thought about that for a long time.
• 0118: a terrible club // made out with Ade for some reason. we're still the same // dancing, dancing // bathroom: gave glitter to everyone, then it's falling on us. almost magic // make sure everyone drinks water // i really wish i liked girls because they are so great and nice and i love them. men always want to touch you, always want to own you.
• 0124: I don't wanna be a part of your fucking fantasies. It makes me uncomfortable. I don't wanna know about it. You're no longer safe. Why do you need to tell me that you thought the kiss was very beautiful and passionate. Why would I wanna know that. Stop sexualizing my interactions with her.
• 0125: Lots of shots, dancing, nice people. you're so beautiful I see through you. I could have stayed for the whole night but I have to go. Call mother to let her know I got home safe - I'm drunk but she's drunk too. It's a strange situation because we're both pretending to be sober over the phone. Friend grabs her phone - I can't get a word of what he's saying. When I get home my sister's asleep in the sofa. I wake her up so she can go to her bed.
• 0126: never learn. everything late and I can't stop myself from getting distracted. i need to focus
• 0127: I didn't really believe it would happen. Of course I knew there was a risk, but in my mind it wasn't a real possibility. I still can't wrap my mind around the idea that I am gonna have to repeat a class next year because I failed. i'm trash i'm worthless wanna sleep
• 0130: Strange weather lately. Wind moving wet leaves in cyclic movements - hypnotic. // Clouds heavy like waterfalls, bright yellow light. It's not raining but there's thunders, lightnings, a rainbow.

FEB __________

everything unfinished